verywary Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I posted here a while ago about my situation. For financial and professional reasons, I have to move far away from my current town. I'm in love with someone and involved in a complicated situation (he is not free, for complicated reasons). We've been involved for nine months, and I love him more than anyone or anything. I love everything about him, and I don't know what to do. Today I have to pull the trigger, give up my apartment and start getting ready to move in 2 weeks, because he can't commit to me and ask me to stay. It is my "choice" (even though for financial reasons, I have no real choice), but I am in unbearable pain. Someone ramming a screwdriver into your liver kind of pain. I have never felt pain like this. The other relationships I’ve had, things ended when I was more or less “ready” for it. Here, I am like a dog scrambling as it falls off a cliff. I am crying all the time. I have nightmares all night about losing him over and over. How do you deal with this?
Thomas X Forever Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 You deal with it because you don't have a choice. You can't run from the pain, you have to run towards it. I am in that same pain, every day I am in that same pain. All day ever day. I hope one day it subsides for us both!
Exit Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 You just have to embrace the situation. You are in pain because you were in love. Be thankful for the love that entered your life, even if it is now leaving. Express gratitude instead of regret. Learn how to work with your thoughts. The more you tell yourself not to think about something, you really just think about it more. I just read an article the other day, something along the lines of a study where they told a group of people not to think about an elephant, and then when they asked people to describe honestly what they were thinking about, that was it. Stop trying to close the flood gates, just let yourself grieve for a few days. Strap yourself in and get ready for the rollercoaster you are going to be on. A week and a half ago I thought I was finally over it, I had myself convinced of all the things she did wrong, but now I'm back to missing her. Time will help heal IF you make good use of the time. Take some time to be sad, but don't allow yourself to settle into a slump. Find other things in life to enjoy. I know this sounds like complete BS, I can't get myself to believe it either. But I have been reading books, exercising, getting back in touch with friends, it's doesn't always help, but it's better than nothing. I really feel for you and what you're going through, I hope healing finds you quickly and happiness isn't far down the road.
Author verywary Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Thank you both so much. It's good to know that I'm not alone. Like I said, what is devastating is that I'm just not ready. Everything is so good when we're together. I wonder if I'll ever meet someone I love as much as him.
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