BettyBoop Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I have a question for you all. I've been dating this lovely guy for over 6 months now and we're both in love. I'm more verbal than he is, and have even told him he is basically my dream man. However, I have gotten no such thing back. Which made me question if I am anything near that to him. Last night in bed we talked about how I feel that I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't feel the same way about me as I do about them. He just asked "What is it that I don't feel that you feel, do you mean?" and I simply asked him to describe his dreamgirl. He did describe physical appearance, didn't mention the other part. He basically shortened it up to "No fat chicks. I like you.". Today I sent him a text saying "I would like to be your dreamgirl. Just so you know." and got a reply saying "You're so cute! And how are you planning on becoming that? :)" Now, in my eyes, this counts as the answer "You're not my dreamgirl." basically. And I wouldn't really want to be with someone where I have to change my persona to become someone's dreamgirl...I simply want to be someone's dreamgirl the way I am. I haven't replied to him, but I felt like writing "I don't know. I guess that is entirely up to you."... Has this happened to anyone else? And how or when would you know if your SO is the "dream" so to speak?
Bejita463 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I've had a partner that has had that same hangup and from my point of view, tt is maddening. If he is happy with you, and is treating you right, I don't think it is fair to be questioning his reasoning about it. Your feelings for each other are what is important, not some vague concept of "dream guy" or "dream girl." I can understand you do not want to feel like you are something he is settling for, but there is gray area here. It is not a "I must be perfect or I am nothing" situation.
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Today I sent him a text saying "I would like to be your dreamgirl. Just so you know." and got a reply saying "You're so cute! And how are you planning on becoming that? :)" Now, in my eyes, this counts as the answer "You're not my dreamgirl." No. He's right..... Look at your comment again. "I would like to be your dreamgirl" That, to me says, "I am not your dreamgirl yet, but I would like to be". So his reply is logical, in light of your comment. Now, if you'd been a bit more 'ballsy' and put, "You're my dreamguy, I'm your dreamgirl!" you might have received a different reply entirely. So actually, you can now tell him that you consider yourself already there, and he's your dreamguy.... right?
Author BettyBoop Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 I've had a partner that has had that same hangup and from my point of view, tt is maddening. Yeah, I know it is. I kind of just needed to rant I think... Had a talk with my best friend about it though, and I think I am kind of "spoiled" from my previous relationship where the guy was very verbal with me and I kind of like guys to be verbal. I'm sort of coming from a "perfectionist"-upbringing...and being very verbal myself, I just sometimes react to when he isn't. He is very physical in his love though. And I know I mean a lot to him. I like both your points, they are very valid. Thank you for your replies.
Bejita463 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Yeah, I know it is. I kind of just needed to rant I think... Had a talk with my best friend about it though, and I think I am kind of "spoiled" from my previous relationship where the guy was very verbal with me and I kind of like guys to be verbal. I'm sort of coming from a "perfectionist"-upbringing...and being very verbal myself, I just sometimes react to when he isn't. He is very physical in his love though. And I know I mean a lot to him. I am of the mind that the truth is not often what we want it to be, and the truth also rarely comes off the tongue as smoothly as lies do. I am a believer in that actions speak louder than words, as someone's actions can directly call lie to the words they speak literally as they speak them. How well your man finds his words is not extremely relevant in this regard (feelings and attraction) if his actions are showing you what you want to know. He is very likely communicating with you just fine, just not in the way you are paying attention to. If you stop expecting him to communicate the way you expect, and start paying attention to how he actually IS communicating, I think you will find you have less to rant about. I like both your points, they are very valid. Thank you for your replies. I hope I was able to offer some small level of assistance.
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