You reap what you sow!!!!

[TaraMaiden]

.......But I am curious about what people think about how much of these emotions(anger, happiness, love hate, etc.) can really be controlled or not.

 

All emotions are controllable.

They begin in the mind and are fed, nourished and founded on our thoughts. Our thoughts arise as a result of external influences and stimuli.

 

If we practise the skill of observing our perception and making it more acute, then we can observe the arising of our thoughts, and modify our emotional responses.

Emotions are good, and they should be honoured. But they should be addressed at the time of the stimulus, not dragged on into other time-frames.

That's when the cultivation of emotions, via (and as a result of) our thought-patterns, becomes unhealthy.

 

 

_/l\_

[delirious]

Cor blimey Tami, you are in the lion's den of BS's.

 

I agree with you 100%. Re. love, yes you do act on those feelings, but dependent on how strong they are, or you are, for that matter, can make you powerless to resist. The people on here have really no idea what that is like. I would have said the same a year ago probably. You cannot explain this until you have experienced it. Nobody would understand ever. Explaining love to someone, you cannot define it, it is not the same for everyone, there are different degrees. Some think they know what it is, but hey presto, they meet someone else and boom, then they really know what it is. I am glad that i know, as painful as it has been but as wonderful as it has been also. But Hey Donna, it must be lust because unfortunately it was not my H.

[TaraMaiden]

I agree with you 100%. Re. love, yes you do act on those feelings, but dependent on how strong they are, or you are, for that matter, can make you powerless to resist.

This is incorrect.

If you give into them, it is because you are abdicating Will to Desire. You are acnowledging that your emotions are more powerful than you are.

But your Emotions are not WHO you are. They are a product of your mind. Thus, what you are doing is acceding to the demands of an uncontrolled Mind.

Your mind is under your control and nobody else's. To abdicate responsibility and to say you are powerless to resist, or that "you couldn't help it" is deceiving yourself - and others.

Every thought, word and deed is a choice.

This is tried, tested, proven and fact.

 

The people on here have really no idea what that is like.

You think?

That's a bit of a sweeping statement.

All are entitled to interpretation and perception, but all will see it differently. It's like asking 5 blind people to describe an elephant....

Perception is often deception.

 

I would have said the same a year ago probably. You cannot explain this until you have experienced it. Nobody would understand ever. Explaining love to someone, you cannot define it, it is not the same for everyone, there are different degrees.

This I would definitely agree with. because emotions are as differewnt as the people feeling them....

 

Some think they know what it is, but hey presto, they meet someone else and boom, then they really know what it is. I am glad that i know, as painful as it has been but as wonderful as it has been also.

You know FOR you, you mean. As you pointed out, it's different degrees fro different people....

 

But Hey Donna, it must be lust because unfortunately it was not my H.

people often faqil to understand that Love changes, nothing remains the same, from day to day.

The phrase 'sleep on it' is a wise one. How many times have we 'slept on it' and woken up with an altered viewpoint?

That makes 'you' today, different to the 'you' of yesterday.... So it is with Love....

It never rests in a static status.....

[jasminetea]

All emotions are controllable.

They begin in the mind and are fed, nourished and founded on our thoughts. Our thoughts arise as a result of external influences and stimuli.

Until yesterday I believed this too - I've been a firm advocate of CBT for a while. I'm not going to t/j, so would you talk to me about this in a new thread?

[TaraMaiden]

If you're happy, I'm happy. If you'd rather PM, because I don't want to infringe your privacy in any way, feel free to PM.

[Woggle]

I must admit when I am feeling really evil I smirk at how my ex just threw her life down the toilet. Karma caught up with her bigtime.

[TaraMaiden]

Yup, it do tend to do that.... without exception....

 

But whatever we do, will attract Karma - for all of us.

Now, whatever befalls us may not be controllable. But our view, reaction and opinion of it is.

That's what makes the karma......

[OpenBook]

No, our emotions are NOT controllable. Witness the OP's "can't help feeling gleeful" as has already been noted. We can only control our actions.

 

And no, we CANNOT help who we fall in love with. Again, this is emotion-based which is not controllable. We can only control what we DO about it.

 

And no, we CANNOT come up with a common definition of love; nor is it necessary for anyone to do this in order to communicate to each other about it.

 

And comparing love to a potato is ludicrous, not to mention delusional.

 

Some people just want to pin everything down because they perceive that as a way for them to gain control over others. What an illusion that control is!! They can "perceive" their own omnipotence all they want... but they will never be able to control another person's thoughts or emotions... even while they're strong-arming their loved ones' behavior (or anyone else who falls prey to their strong-arm tactics).

[65tr6]

But whatever we do, will attract Karma - for all of us......

 

I disagree with this...So my wife had an affair and that was my karma ?.....and now that we are in recovery, karma will catch up with her at some point of time ?

 

I believe it is a pessimistic view of looking at things..dont get me wrong. I want the OM to suffer like no one else ! lol.

 

OP, careful, dont spend too much time/energy on OW. I am glad you are feeling good about what she is going through but remember best form of revenge is living well (I know easier said than done but still)

[Owl]

Cor blimey Tami, you are in the lion's den of BS's.

 

I agree with you 100%. Re. love, yes you do act on those feelings, but dependent on how strong they are, or you are, for that matter, can make you powerless to resist. The people on here have really no idea what that is like. I would have said the same a year ago probably. You cannot explain this until you have experienced it. Nobody would understand ever. Explaining love to someone, you cannot define it, it is not the same for everyone, there are different degrees. Some think they know what it is, but hey presto, they meet someone else and boom, then they really know what it is. I am glad that i know, as painful as it has been but as wonderful as it has been also. But Hey Donna, it must be lust because unfortunately it was not my H.

 

Again...you're saying that no one here can understand, when you have no idea if they've experienced a strong love or not.

 

I also believe that people will flat refuse to believe something that they don't want to believe.

 

I truly don't believe in love at first sight. I believe that you can be strongly attracted to someone from the moment you see them...but love is a different thing altogether. I have seen and learned in my life that love isn't something that sprouts in an instant...it's something that is deliberately grown and nurtured. Love is attraction PLUS the emotional investment into the relationship to let it grow.

 

You can't truly "love" someone you don't know. You have to invest emotionally into the relationship in order to get to know them...until then, it's just an attraction, maybe an obsession for some...but still not love.

 

That's why people start talking so much to each other when they first "fall in love". When I met my wife...we were mutally attracted to each other. But the LOVE grew when we did like most people do when they meet and are attracted...we talked...for hours and hours and hours on end. That's when you BOND.

 

As far as "controlling those emotions"...well, you can to a degree.

 

It's always easy to stop an avalanche before it starts moving down the hill.

 

You can "control who you fall in love with" by deliberately avoiding interaction with people you're attracted to. That part is amazingly simple. Avoid interacting with them, avoid fantasizing about them, and learn to recognize the early signs of attraction in yourself so you can identify the situation early enough to do something about it.

 

If you don't feed that attraction...the love never forms.

 

Now...controlling that love once it has formed is a whole different critter. It's like the difference betweenfighting off a tiger cub and fighting it off when it's a full grown beastie.

 

The only way to do that is to stop letting feeding it until it dies. But it's a lot bigger, a lot tougher, and it's going to take a lot more time and energy before it gets to that point.

 

But that's the entire point of NC to end a relationship. It ends the emotional investment between the two parties.

 

You may think this is too "logical" for you...but I assure you that if you take the time to WATCH the people around you in these various stages...you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.

[TaraMaiden]

No, our emotions are NOT controllable. Witness the OP's "can't help feeling gleeful" as has already been noted. We can only control our actions.

I know it is difficult to both believe and even absorb, and I resisted such a concept myself for years until it was proven to me to be absolute and accurate.

 

Your emotions arise first of all, because of a thought you generate.

 

if you generate the thought "I hate that person" your emotions follow suit, and you begin to feel anger and animosity.

Why the thought to begin with?

Because of an outside influence or stimulus. You react to what you see/hear, and generate an opinion of that event. Your emotion follows suit.

 

And no, we CANNOT help who we fall in love with. Again, this is emotion-based which is not controllable. We can only control what we DO about it.

LOve is not an emotion.

Love is a state of being.

How you act within that state of being is the emotion.....

I know it sounds as if I'm splitting hairs and relying on semantics, but Everybody experiences Love at some point or another. But the fact that we all respond in different ways is what creates variations.

And no, we CANNOT come up with a common definition of love; nor is it necessary for anyone to do this in order to communicate to each other about it.

Which makes my point.....

 

 

Some people just want to pin everything down because they perceive that as a way for them to gain control over others. What an illusion that control is!! They can "perceive" their own omnipotence all they want... but they will never be able to control another person's thoughts or emotions...

 

Again, this is exactly what I have been saying.....

 

I disagree with this...So my wife had an affair and that was my karma ?.....and now that we are in recovery, karma will catch up with her at some point of time ?

Karma isn't necessarily from this direct moment. Karma can arise as a result of a previous action, but who knows when that was? THis Life? A past Life....?

Whatever you process through wilful volition, and with pre-determined thought, will generate Kamma.

But the mysteries of this process are too convoluted to be able to define and discern.

Suffice to say that whatever you generate in your mind, transform into words and then deeds (or even just limit to words) will carry with it a resulting Kamma.

 

I believe it is a pessimistic view of looking at things..dont get me wrong. I want the OM to suffer like no one else ! lol.

You do realise that Kamma is not only negative? Kamma has positive consequences too, depending on what you set in motion. There is very good positive kamma generated every day. Every good thing that comes your way is a result of a positive willful thought/word/action on your part.

It's not all sh*1t, you know.....

[Owl]

No, our emotions are NOT controllable. Witness the OP's "can't help feeling gleeful" as has already been noted. We can only control our actions.

 

And no, we CANNOT help who we fall in love with. Again, this is emotion-based which is not controllable. We can only control what we DO about it.

 

And no, we CANNOT come up with a common definition of love; nor is it necessary for anyone to do this in order to communicate to each other about it.

 

And comparing love to a potato is ludicrous, not to mention delusional.

 

Some people just want to pin everything down because they perceive that as a way for them to gain control over others. What an illusion that control is!! They can "perceive" their own omnipotence all they want... but they will never be able to control another person's thoughts or emotions... even while they're strong-arming their loved ones' behavior (or anyone else who falls prey to their strong-arm tactics).

 

Clearly, you entirely missed the point.

 

Comparing the act of DEFINING love to the act of DEFINING a potato is not ludicrous, nor delusional (but thanks for the compliment anyway...sheesh!)...if you doubt me...go check your Funk & Wagnell's.

 

Some people insist that they have no ability to control anything in their lives...so that they can completely avoid accepting any responsibility for their actions or the damage that those actions do to others. It's a great way to dodge any fault or responsibility.

[angie2443]

No, our emotions are NOT controllable. Witness the OP's "can't help feeling gleeful" as has already been noted. We can only control our actions

).

 

I partly agree with this. I don't think we control who we feel attracted to and who we feel giddy around. I do think that no one falls in love at first sight. I think when we first meet someone and feel that spark, we do have the power to step back (if we want) and keep the interaction with the person on a very business like level.

 

Don't get me wrong, I understand where the idea of love at first sight comes from. We see someone we feel strongly attracted to and then take the steps to develope a relationship with them. If it becomes love, we call it love at first sight. If it doesn't, we forget about it.

[Woggle]

I do think that we can control who we fall in love with. This notion that human beings are just a bunch of helpless animals who are governed by an uncontrollable force to me is very insulting. It absolves us of taking responsibility for our own lives which is much easier than fixing the situation.

[TaraMaiden]

...That's why we say, we're "In Love" with someone... that is to say, we have succumbed to the condition of being in that state.... And we all know, without a shadow of a doubt that how that person reacts within that State of Being, is either constructive or destructive.

 

For example, I have absolutely no shadow of a doubt that TrialbyFire's feelings for her iceman are completely positive and genuine. But anyone in an abusive (verbally, physically) relationship who feels they can't walk away because they're in love with that person too much - is not feeling the kind of emotion anyone would envy.....

[65tr6]

Karma isn't necessarily from this direct moment. Karma can arise as a result of a previous action, but who knows when that was? THis Life? A past Life....?.....

 

I understand..I grew up in the culture where people would blame everything on karma when things went south. Very rare to see someone give credit to karma during the good times.

 

My point is you can blame all you want on karma but not learn/grow as a person - attributing all to bad karma.

 

In OPs case, OW lost her job and what she did to her familiy was devastating to say the least. I dont think both are anyway related. She may be a bad person and also totally incompetent in keeping her job. She could be blaming karma for her role in OPs affair that resulted in her loosing her job. Who knows. Or pull up her socks...and change for good. You dont need good karma to change. You need the desire and willingness to do it.

[Reggie]

I'd say it is pretty normal to enjoy seeing someone that hurt you take a dive. But, it really does nothing to alleviate the pain, and is a temporay respite, at best.

On Karma, I am not very knowledgeable. I think everyone has some difficult things befall them in life. I don't know if there is any relationship to past bad acts. But, I do think that behaving badly or doing good deeds and treating others well has an effect on us, internally. I think people recognize when they have done something that is morally wrong and it works on our minds and has an effect on how we behave subsequently. If one puts it right, makes amends and owns the wrong, it frees you up and doe not eat at you.

When things eat at you, you start doing other things that are bad for you and others, in an attempt to avoid dealing with it. And, things start to cascade in a bad direction. Same with doing good things. One gets a good feeling from it and is happier. So, you function better and make healthier choices.

On the inability to control falling in love, I feel that we do control that vs the attraction thing, which seems involuntary. When dating someone you are attracted to, there is a discovery process going on. We learn more about the person than we know, initially. I know I have gone out with people I found, initially, very attractive. We have discovered that we have different values and attitudes and the attraction subsides. It does not develop into love.

Less frequently, I've met someone to whom I am not initially attracted and feelings have developed over time, as I see qualities that I like and admire that were not initially apparent.

[NoIDidn't]

Hey loving michelle! Do you know why she lost her job?

 

I don't blame you for dancing a jig.

 

Hopefully you won't find out that she got an even better job than the one she lost though. That always puts a damper on the initial glee of hearing of a rival's comeuppance (sp?). LOL

[loving michelle]

((((noIdidn't))))

 

It was from demand on business....she was not the only one that lost their job. It was also on performance and if you had been supended...

 

If she does get a better job more power to her maybe she will think twice before getting involved with a married man........I have to deal with alot of stuff I don't have to deal with her being there anymore.

[TaraMaiden]

(. . .)

On Karma, I am not very knowledgeable. I think everyone has some difficult things befall them in life. I don't know if there is any relationship to past bad acts. But, I do think that behaving badly or doing good deeds and treating others well has an effect on us, internally. I think people recognize when they have done something that is morally wrong and it works on our minds and has an effect on how we behave subsequently. If one puts it right, makes amends and owns the wrong, it frees you up and doe not eat at you.

When things eat at you, you start doing other things that are bad for you and others, in an attempt to avoid dealing with it. And, things start to cascade in a bad direction. Same with doing good things. One gets a good feeling from it and is happier. So, you function better and make healthier choices.

(. . .)

 

Great post.

 

Thank you! ((hug))

[Reggie]

Tara, I come at this from a different angle(former altar boy). In my religion, we look at the good acts as creating a state of grace, and the bad stuff as having blemished us with sin.

I know nothing of eastern religions, but it seems these faiths(mine and yours) evolved in response to what some smart people realized about the way things work in people, internally. There may be some psycological explanation, like Id and ego stuff, but that is over my head.

[TaraMaiden]

I remember reading somewhere that the difference between Buddhism and other theistic religions is that Buddhism is Mind-based and comforts the heart. Theistic religions are heart-based and they comfort the mind.....

 

All I know is that the two areas contain very similar cells, and people, when speaking about themselves, point to their chest, not their head.....I guess, somewhere in the middle, is where unity lies.

 

This middle, is the throat, whence we speak.

 

Talking in harmony is actually preferable isn't it?

 

_/l\_

[Reggie]

Although, there were some incredibly intellectually gifted theologians, very powerful intellects. I often would notice that the folks that are really into understanding this stuff, who really see it on a different level from what I have been capable of, are very respectful of one another's views and seem to see each approach as just a different avenue to the same basic truths.

Then, you have the folks that are all caught up in the ritual and dogma to the exclusion of the big picture stuff. These folks start wars with each other and attempt to cram their beleifs down each others throats.

[clv0116]

How is being laid off in any way the fruit that would come of being unfaithful? Reaping what you sow implies a lot more than karmic payback. Finding out she has Herpes or something would be reaping what she sows, or maybe someone shooting compromising pictures.

[clv0116]

There are all KINDS of people in the world who want to blame their mistakes or misbehavior on someone or someTHING always, but never themselves.

 

For once I agree, you see it all over in many contexts, from gun control advocates to people who believe having a speedometer that reads over 85mph will make people speed. People need to understand that actions have consequences, they are fat because they make themselves fat, or they are unfaithful because they decided to be unfaithful.