You reap what you sow!!!!

[loving michelle]

I just found out the OW my H had a A with got laid off at their workplace......Part of me is so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also feel bad for being so happy..........I wouldn't wish this on anybody during these hard times..........I just can't help feeling you reap what you sow. Has anyone else felt this way?

[OFGnomore]

I just found out the OW my H had a A with got laid off at their workplace......Part of me is so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also feel bad for being so happy..........I wouldn't wish this on anybody during these hard times..........I just can't help feeling you reap what you sow. Has anyone else felt this way?

 

Does that mean your unfaithful H's turn to reap will come too? I hope not, it takes 2 to tango. I'm a xOP who betrayed my H and I'm amazed by how much attention gets placed on the xOP whether male or female. In the end, if you don't divorce, your bigger issue and energy should be spent on your marriage and the reasons your spouse was unfaithful. JMHO.

 

I hope your H doesn't get his turn, especially in these hard times.

[seibert253]

Karma's a bitch. Be careful 'cause it's gonna turn on your husband too.

[TaraMaiden]

Just like karma turned on her and her H had an affair?

 

people think karma is a judgemental and evaluating thing.

It's not.

It's just a process. it happens, but it happens to everybody without exception, be it 'good' be it 'bad'. There is no escaping it. But it doesn't deal bad or good cards. YOU do that with the things you think/say/do.

 

Karma is the result.

 

Vitthaka is the Action that brings about the result.

 

Kamma-vitthaka-kamma-vitthaka.....

Effect - Cause - Effect - Cause.... and so on and so forth.

 

I wish people would get it right.....

[loving michelle]

I know it takes two to tango.........I am not excusing my H by any means....He has to look himself in the mirror everyday knowing what he has done to himself and his family...I know I would not want to have to look at myself in the mirror everyday knowing the hurt and pain I have caused all the involved.

[tami-chan]

..I just can't help feeling you reap what you sow. Has anyone else felt this way?

 

Is that the same as "can't help falling in love"? Sure, I've felt it.

[Owl]

Is that the same as "can't help falling in love"? Sure, I've felt it.

 

Nope.

 

Falling in love is the direct result of actions that you have taken.

 

Feeling that someone "got what they deserved" is a result of actions they have taken.

[tami-chan]

Precisely. You don't fall in "love" at first sight. You fall in "lust." Love - ACTUAL love takes time to develop. If you fall in "lust" with a married guy, you do NOT spend time falling in love. You do that with someone who is unattached.

 

HUH? and you know this because.....? Many APs have actually fallen in love with each other. Not acknowledging that is big time DENIAL and silly.

 

All this "you can't help who you fall in love with" is a load of BS. It's lust, plain and simple.

 

So back to the my question, let me re-word it...

 

Is what OP feeling the same as "cant help falling in LUST?"...

[Owl]

I wouldn't use the word "lust"...I'd use the word "attraction".

 

You can't help who you're "attracted to".

 

But love doesn't come until you "act on it" and feed that attraction by deliberately and intentionally encouraging interaction with the object of your attraction.

 

Completely unrelated to feelings of happiness for seeing someone getting hit by the "karma bus".

[tami-chan]

That's because they nurtured the lust - spent time on it - until it turned into what they THOUGHT was love. Not acknowledging that is big time denial and SILLY .

 

Lust does not need to be nurtured. It's just there...that's why when people are being dismissive ( perhaps., rightfully so...like...ahem...you )..they say, "you're not in love, you're in lust!-you just met her yesterday!..

[tami-chan]

I wouldn't use the word "lust"...I'd use the word "attraction".

 

You can't help who you're "attracted to".

 

But love doesn't come until you "act on it" and feed that attraction by deliberately and intentionally encouraging interaction with the object of your attraction.

 

Completely unrelated to feelings of happiness for seeing someone getting hit by the "karma bus".

 

ahmm ...nobody said they are "related"...just that they are feelings "one can't help and has no control over"...

 

I am not saying OP is wrong to have feelings like that....I say...feelings like that are normal for people you perceived has done you wrong.

 

RE: love...it' highly personal..I would not even attempt to define it for other people...that's just arrogant.

[tami-chan]

That's because they nurtured the lust - spent time on it - until it turned into what they THOUGHT was love. Not acknowledging that is big time denial and SILLY .

 

It does not matter how they do it or what they do with it....If they claim and act like they are in love then so be it. What are you some kind of a witch who can read minds?

[NoIDidn't]

I know it takes two to tango.........I am not excusing my H by any means....He has to look himself in the mirror everyday knowing what he has done to himself and his family...I know I would not want to have to look at myself in the mirror everyday knowing the hurt and pain I have caused all the involved.

 

It is very possible that she was very neglectful of her job during the time of the A. Very common. And a good reason to get laid off.

 

My H's exOW was laid off as well about six months ago. I'm just glad they don't work together anymore as running into her and her "crew" at work-related events was getting tiring.

 

During his EA, my H's work performance was abysmal. His previous reputation is probably the only thing that kept him from leaving his job. I'm grateful he didn't lose HIS job there while he did almost lost his H gig.

[HsMomma]

It does not matter how they do it or what they do with it....If they claim and act like they are in love then so be it. What are you some kind of a witch who can read minds?[/QUOTE]

 

Why do disagreements always seem to come down to name-calling on these boards? I sometimes feel like I'm back in grammar school.

[jany]

This is all a very interesting discussion. Speaking of someone who actually had a short affair at work with a married co-worker, the work doesn't necessary suffer. In my situation, the work actually improved because he was looking out for me, and we were able to discuss problems, issues very easily. He was not my supervisor or anything like that, but he was more experienced and was able to guide/mentor me. Work went smoothly between us.

 

I have a question. Did the people at work actually know about the A?

[Owl]

ahmm ...nobody said they are "related"...just that they are feelings "one can't help and has no control over"...

 

I am not saying OP is wrong to have feelings like that....I say...feelings like that are normal for people you perceived has done you wrong.

 

RE: love...it' highly personal..I would not even attempt to define it for other people...that's just arrogant.

 

Not arrogant at all.

 

It's called "empathy"...the ability to understand what someone else is feeling.

 

Add in "language"...because if we don't define things around us, we have no common way to communicate.

 

Love is just another word used to describe many things, depending on the "definition" of the person using the word at the time. Once two people can agree on the use...the "definition"...then they can discuss the subject.

 

Defining "love" is no worse than defining "potato".

[2sure]

Hey, she banged your H and then lost her job.

Its fine, its ok to dance a jig just for a moment.

 

.........

 

OK. Stop dancing now.

No guilt required. She didnt lose her job because you wished anything.

[Trialbyfire]

Can't say I blame you for feeling a little glee! I went through some glee but I actually had something to do with her problems. Seems only fair since she had something to do with my problems.

[silktricks]

I gotta say that I'd be happy. Especially so if they were still working at the same place post affair... I'd be happy for a couple of reasons... not the least of which would be the fact they weren't working at the same place anymore!

 

[HeidiB125]

I'm still waiting for my dance of glee when and if she gets the boot from her job. Don't waste one moment feeling bad. I won't. As far as love goes I think my husband thought he was "in love" with her during the affair but now that it's over he realizes he wasn't in love with her but what he was feeling was so intoxicating it felt like love. Love is not merely a feeling. I love my husband. Sometimes I don't feel it but that doesn't mean I act upon that. In an affair if one or both partners loses "that feeling" of love the affair ends. It's not going to last for the long run without those intense emotions. Thus....immature love verses mature love.

[fooled once]

Sorry to hi-jack OP

 

But Tami, why are you always coming in, dropping smart ass comments, using this smilie and starting stuff? Why can't you just answer the OP's questions or offer advice instead of picking apart what someone else is writing?

 

It makes me not want to read any post where I see you have posted because 9 times out of 10, it is going to be remarks that have nothing to do with the original post.

 

*sigh*

[Dexter Morgan]

I just found out the OW my H had a A with got laid off at their workplace......Part of me is so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I also feel bad for being so happy..........I wouldn't wish this on anybody during these hard times..........I just can't help feeling you reap what you sow. Has anyone else felt this way?

 

you bet. and before I say this, yes, I did feel bad about feeling sort of smug about it, but my X was hit by the guy she was having an affair with when I divorced her. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but at the same time it was a, "what an idiot" moment.

[tami-chan]

Not arrogant at all.

 

It's called "empathy"...the ability to understand what someone else is feeling.

 

Add in "language"...because if we don't define things around us, we have no common way to communicate.

 

Love is just another word used to describe many things, depending on the "definition" of the person using the word at the time. Once two people can agree on the use...the "definition"...then they can discuss the subject.

 

Defining "love" is no worse than defining "potato".

 

Owl, "feeling" that emotion called Love is highly personal. As you have stated above it is used to describe many things therefore for you to define love for the OP or everyone else is arrogant- because it seems like you are saying if you do not feel a,b,and c then you are not in love. Sure, most of us have a a basic understanding of what love is or supposed to be but to reduce other people's feelings as not love because it is not within the confines of YOUR definition is arrogant.

 

Potato is easy to define, it is not an emotion and therefore, not complex.

[tami-chan]

I don't think it takes any amount of arrogance to come to the conclusion that when a MM sees a hot girl and thinks "Mmmm, I'd love to do her!" that it's anything to do with love. Then the pursuit begins. THAT is when the choice to cheat has been made. There's no love yet. Couldn't possibly be. These people don't even KNOW each other!

 

Obviuosly, "love to do her" if a mile different from "love her"...duh.....what's the point to this...?

 

So for someone who is in an affair to say they "couldn't help falling in love," and that is why they are in an affair, that's simply BS. Love cannot possibly happen unless someone takes steps (the affair) beyond the feeling of initial attraction. So one shouldn't take those further steps if they are married, nor if the object of their attraction is married. If the married person feels they are in a bad marriage with no possibility of repairing it, they should pursue divorce.

 

Yeah, we know that already . Address the question. Are you saying then that when a BS feels gleeful when bad things happen to the OW, that those feelings (of glee, the desire to jump up and down and pump one's fist) cannot be helped? or are you saying that those feelings were cultivated and nurtured since d-day?

[tami-chan]

Sorry to hi-jack OP

 

But Tami, why are you always coming in, dropping smart ass comments, using this smilie and starting stuff? Why can't you just answer the OP's questions or offer advice instead of picking apart what someone else is writing?

 

Fooled once,I have answered her question. Scroll back. But I am curious about what people think about how much of these emotions(anger, happiness, love hate, etc.) can really be controlled or not.

 

It makes me not want to read any post where I see you have posted because 9 times out of 10, it is going to be remarks that have nothing to do with the original post.

 

Oh really, like this one above? You're breaking my heart.