Girlygirl1977 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I guarantee you are incorrect. You're telling me he was a student fulltime while working fulltime, paying for education + food + all expenses himself, at least four majors, 3.95+ GPA? And I'm not looking for someone with a similar background. I'm looking for someone who understands that relationships take work and honesty. That seems to be rare nowadays. I keep encountering people who want to be taken care of, which is the case with too many girls here at school. The problem is you keep saying you are so exceptional - ok whatever. If that's the case, find an exceptional women. . . I found my female classmates to be much more ambitious than the average lady. You have a better chance of finding a woman who has ambition there than out in the random world. . . Anyway again I have work to do - i'm at work. I think you have a serious chip on your shoulder and you are writing off huge swaths of women without really knowing them. A person's veneer is just that. . .sounds like you barely touch the surface with people around you but you have many preconceived conclusions. . ..good luck. I'm off. It's tiring to go in circles with you! You are not reflective!
Girlygirl1977 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I severely doubt that. I have never met anyone else who has done the same. Where did he work? How expensive was the tuition? How was he able to keep the cost/benefits rolling correctly? What are his majors? Even if such things are true, you must understand that it is rare. I am almost certain though that those details can't be correct. I'm not going to publish his private details but he worked at a big 5 accounting firm full time while he was at an Ivy League school which has an elite business school (you should be able to guess which one). Please no need to say it. I do prefer to keep my ID private on a public forum. You have serious issues - you think you are the only one who has done what you have. If you are so rare, then you will find no one. Does that make you feel better. You are very difficult and this may actually be your fundamental issue. You are beyond arrogant and you are talking to someone who went to a school which starts with H and knows many arrogant people. You are not well-adjusted.
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Anyways, my point is that intellect isn't of vital importance to me because all I care about is that they're not DUMB. If a woman is otherwise caring, honest, and real, then that's a woman worth keeping. I have not found these traits in the girls here at school. Ah, same school then. Again though, I am pretty sure the details aren't anywhere near the same. I'm talking like $50K a year fulltime while taking 8-9 classes/sem. But this has NOTHING to do with women.
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Ungh. I'm exhausted. I wish I had a different life and personality. I really dislike myself. I'm just not going to date.
Girlygirl1977 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I know many exceptional people and they have other traits you don't have. You are not the most exceptional person in the world (sorry to break it to you). Anyway, you need therapy. You have many chips on your shoulder which will make it difficult for you to be successful in a relationship. You have tired me out. You have so many pages on this thread and this speaks volumes about your condition. I'm off for real now!
bean1 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Prolix, I think you should read what you have written about yourself. Multiple people have stated that you are extremely arrogant. If your posts reflect your personality, then you are actually the most arrogant poster I have ever seen here. Is that who you really are? Is that the kind of person you want to be? I sure hope not.
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Absolutely ****ing not, it's not what I want to be. I don't know how to change myself. Based on my upbringing I feel like I have every right to be angry. Based on my relationships, I have every right not to trust people. But I want to be humble, and I want to trust people, and I want someone who will love me. But I don't know how to do any of that.
bean1 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Of course you don't want to be that person, only bad people do. You aren't a bad person. I'm sure your school offers some form of student counselling, correct? Go in and talk to someone about how you feel. Personalities are not static - they can change, but only when someone recognizes that something needs to change. You need to be aware of it before you can do anything about it. Yes, you have been hurt in the past, but you are only continuing to hurt yourself. So talk to someone, a professional about this. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I've been to counseling already with little benefit. They never really know what to say.
carhill Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I've been to counseling already with little benefit. They never really know what to say. Find a psychologist who's smarter than you. One you'll respect. He or she will know what to say. Then the shoe will be on your foot. Trust me, they're out there.
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I just worry that I am too permanently damaged or something beyond repair. I feel like my views on everything are so skewed or something.
bean1 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I just worry that I am too permanently damaged or something beyond repair. I feel like my views on everything are so skewed or something. Nobody can change another person. They can't help you unless you want help. When you are ready, then go. Until then, just remember that you can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results.
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I understand that -- the problem is that I do want help. But wanting it isn't enough. I need to know what to DO. And when there are too many factors you can't control, I feel like there's nothing I *can* do.
butcher's hook Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Wow there has been some viciously mean comments happening in this thread "I know a lot of exceptional people, you are nothing special?" What does anyone know about another human being online? Now Prolix is being told to go seek psychological treatment? WTF?????? Won't be posting much more on this thread since it's pointless, if you read this Prolix, here is all I am going to say to you which is what I have been saying all along: Take the Radiohead line and live by it: "you do it to yourself you do, and that's what really hurts..." This thread is a prefect example of why spending countless hours online reading words is bad for your head. It is a waste of time and if you really want to live your life stop thinking about it and actually live it. The amount of useless crap I have read in this thread is enough to drive the most sane person nuts. My comments included. It is utterly exhausting as I am sure you can relate. Goodnight!
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I just feel like nothing works out. I can accomplish things, yet nobody tells me "Wow! Good job! You must work really hard!" not even from my parents. I can be open and giving to people and yet all I get back are false promises of affection and an empty bank account. I can love someone and not be truly loved back. Apparently there's nothing lovable about me. I want to be a good person who has a good relationship. I'm not after perfection -- but apparently the girl I'm currently going after isn't worth it, either? What's the proper middle ground? How do I resolve my situation? I just feel like nobody knows the answers to any of these. The simplest solution is just to live a life of solitude, and I don't want that.
carhill Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I just worry that I am too permanently damaged or something beyond repair. I feel like my views on everything are so skewed or something. Try to see it differently. Your strengths are your strengths. Your weaknesses are your weaknesses. Accept that. Accept your path. The work is to make that path healthy for you. Do you see how you're fighting that? Just go back and re-read your discourse with this young lady and your internal conversation regarding it. You'll see the fight. This is where a competent psychologist can help you.
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 Carhill: Yeah, but Girlygirl is actually a decent example of the kind of girl here at school I do *not* get along with. Not only viciously demeaning, but also dishonest.
butcher's hook Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 A lot of people feel that Prolix, life is a struggle, some feel it in one moment others in another point in time but rest assured everyone feels this way one time or another. A lot of the things we accomplish in life are not going to get recognition, think of the job of a parent, you think a parent is being told every day "good job there mate" because they are good parents? No. Work is the same you are only pointed out when you screw up (for the most part) doing a good job means sustaining your position at work. Maybe you should focus on rebuilding your relationship with your parents. Why have you always had to fend of yourself, what is the situation with your family?
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 My mother wants nothing to do with me and my father is dead. Trying to rebuild that relationship would be near-impossible. But I mean I just feel like I haven't experienced love at all. Growing up my parents NEVER gave praise for anything. I would go to friends' parents' houses and see how much kinder they were to their children, even when they were mad. It doesn't matter what I do with my life -- nobody cares. All I get is, as you can see, the usual "you're not special" crap. I had to fend for myself because my parents didn't want anything to do with me -- I was an accident and they felt like I wasn't worth supporting. So they only bought things for themselves and told me to start making money for myself. They were rarely home for a long time -- always going out on vacations and whatnot. I grew up feeling unlovable because nobody cared for me, and even to this day I still feel that way. People use me, and I feel like it's so rare to find someone who actually enjoys talking to me who cares about me.
Girlygirl1977 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Carhill: Yeah, but Girlygirl is actually a decent example of the kind of girl here at school I do *not* get along with. Not only viciously demeaning, but also dishonest. How am I dishonest? I was pushing you - a bit of devil's advocate. I got the sense you had an arrogant stance and so I wanted to point out that you have imagine you have equals in this world. That is not demeaning. I just meant there are other people in your sphere. This means there should be other people in the world you can relate to. I can see how I was possibly demeaning in the tone - but I also really got the sense you think you are really better than everyone else. You are showing a lot more vulnerabilities now and I do feel very sorry for you. I do think you should follow carhill's advice. One thing I am not is dishonest. You project a lot onto people. .. . As is the case with most of us - how we relate in relationships has a lot to do with our childhoods. I do think if you can find a competent therapist you can respect, you should seriously consider this. This is not demeaning either. I just think you need to be heard and have a voice. You probably will want to talk through things with this person, a professional vs. an internet board (in real flesh and blood).
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 You are dishonest about your boyfriend. I *guarantee* you you are either misinformed or omitting details somewhere (I could tell you where), but I won't get into it here publicly. All I know is that the situations are not comparable as you imply.
carhill Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Carhill: Yeah, but Girlygirl is actually a decent example of the kind of girl here at school I do *not* get along with. Not only viciously demeaning, but also dishonest. I was talking about the young lady in the OP, for clarity. The psych department at your school can refer you. You might be surprised how many students avail themselves of such help.
butcher's hook Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I am really sorry to hear that, I am starting to understand where you come from. Why does your mother not want anything to do with you, if you don't mind saying? Take the "you are not so special" comments with a grain of salt, take it from where it is coming from. People who can so freely put out comments like that to strangers must feel much of the same about themselves. You are just helping them see their own faults.
Girlygirl1977 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 You are dishonest about your boyfriend. I *guarantee* you you are either misinformed or omitting details somewhere (I could tell you where), but I won't get into it here publicly. All I know is that the situations are not comparable as you imply. This is an internet forum. How are you so sure you know everything? You are not being fair to call me dishonest. I don't want to give full details because this is a public forum and it is not my place to post the details of his life. Anyway - his parents had a bad divorce and his dad was out of his life at a young age. His mother could not provide financial support. He is self-made. I need not go into further details or prove myself to you. I am not dishonest simply because you cannot believe me.
Author Prolix Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 How am I dishonest? I was pushing you - a bit of devil's advocate. I got the sense you had an arrogant stance and so I wanted to point out that you have imagine you have equals in this world. That is not demeaning. I just meant there are other people in your sphere. This means there should be other people in the world you can relate to. I can see how I was possibly demeaning in the tone - but I also really got the sense you think you are really better than everyone else. You are showing a lot more vulnerabilities now and I do feel very sorry for you. I do think you should follow carhill's advice. One thing I am not is dishonest. You project a lot onto people. .. . As is the case with most of us - how we relate in relationships has a lot to do with our childhoods. I do think if you can find a competent therapist you can respect, you should seriously consider this. This is not demeaning either. I just think you need to be heard and have a voice. You probably will want to talk through things with this person, a professional vs. an internet board (in real flesh and blood). I don't deny that I'm arrogant. I don't intend to be. What I don't like is for statements that imply that my situation is somehow "normal" or "not that rare" or "not that hard" because those statements are just so horribly incorrect and hurtful. I'm not trying to play a pity game here -- the fact of the matter is that **** was hard growing up. It's not a background that many people can relate to. Usually successful relationships are between those from similar backgrounds. I feel like there are too many components to my personality and upbringing that make me incompatible. Which is why I am not certain why you feel this current girl is such a bad choice. She and I were on the same page with the school/work thing earlier, and she is a nice person. She may not be as intelligent, but how important is it, really? The first girlfriend I had was very intelligent but it fell apart because she was dishonest and self-serving (cheated).
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