Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Very true, guys. That makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you! Update on the convo: "How many teddies do you have?" "Just four. But this one's my favorite. I've had it four years" "Only four?" "I'd send my blanket I've had for 16 years but I can't sleep without it" "Aw you use a blanket? How adorable" "It's the one you think looks like a towel/handcloth" "WHAT! How can that possibly keep you warm?!" "It doesn't. But when I hold it, I fall asleep" "You sure it isn't just laced with chloroform..." "It's not! XD" ">.>" "Well my teddy means a lot to me and so do you and I want you to have it and care for it. And then one day I will get reuinited with it and I will have both of you in person " Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Sure, I understand that I need to tell her all this. But, gah, where to begin. I don't know if any amount of explanation would be enough substitute for simple life experience. It just crossed my mind how -- while you are streets ahead of her in the financial independence thing, she is streets ahead of you in being open with who she really is. You both have some learning and growing up to do -- and you might learn from each other... you have different skills, talents, abilities... and life experiences... don't prejudge her and cut her off on the other hand, don't leave it for several more months before you actually meet her. How about going out to visit her at her place? That way, you will finally meet up. Also, you won't be her host, so won't have to fork out money you don't have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Well that's the current plan of action, actually -- when I get a chance I am going to fly over to meet her at her place. I think she would have a lot harder of a time coming to meet me. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 "How many teddies do you have?" "Just four. But this one's my favorite. I've had it four years" "Only four?" "I'd send my blanket I've had for 16 years but I can't sleep without it" "Aw you use a blanket? How adorable" "It's the one you think looks like a towel/handcloth" "WHAT! How can that possibly keep you warm?!" "It doesn't. But when I hold it, I fall asleep" "You sure it isn't just laced with chloroform..." "It's not! XD" ">.>" "Well my teddy means a lot to me and so do you and I want you to have it and care for it. And then one day I will get reuinited with it and I will have both of you in person " That is very sweet... see -- when she asked you for a shirt of yours to sleep with, it was something personal and special to her, but your horrible past experiences with a Taker ex-girlfriend got you to make wrongful judgements about who she was, and that she was Asking you for things Already! lol... and that is how we make our fears come to life! Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Well that's the current plan of action, actually -- when I get a chance I am going to fly over to meet her at her place. I think she would have a lot harder of a time coming to meet me. Makes sense. In the meantime learn from her how to share yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 It just crossed my mind how -- while you are streets ahead of her in the financial independence thing, she is streets ahead of you in being open with who she really is. You both have some learning and growing up to do -- and you might learn from each other... you have different skills, talents, abilities... and life experiences... don't prejudge her and cut her off on the other hand, don't leave it for several more months before you actually meet her. How about going out to visit her at her place? That way, you will finally meet up. Also, you won't be her host, so won't have to fork out money you don't have. Athena has a good point. You know, I was wrong with what I said about earlier. Yes, she did seem like just a spoiled brat to me, but now I feel differently about it. I guess I would touch her with a ten foot pole (well I mean if I were you) that was very thoughtful and caring of her, I will admit. I agree that you two seem to have strenghts and weaknesses to balance eachother out, to teach eachother things. I think it's cute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 I mean, like I said earlier, everything else is great except for these red flags. She's a very kind and sweet person. But those things stood out to me as potential warning signs. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I mean, like I said earlier, everything else is great except for these red flags. She's a very kind and sweet person. But those things stood out to me as potential warning signs. And what are your potential warning signs? Work on those... and let her work on hers... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 My warning signs? -Arrogance (I really try not to be -- h2h mentioned in this thread that I was insulting intelligence somehow even though I don't know how I was. But apparently it's something I do without realizing it) -Of course, the way I manage money -Apparently intimacy problems :P Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Apparently you have intimacy issues? Do you see it's possible you trully might, and why recognizing it is not only important, it's imperative if you want any relationship to work out, in all seriousness? Okay now in non seriousness.. Prolix, think of us as the relationship AA I'll go first "Hello, I'm Hoping2heal and I have a fear of intimacy" "oh, and bad breath" Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Prolix, what she spends on makeup bothers me less than her inability to do anything for herself, like sammich making, finding the medicine cabinet and getting beyond the child-safe lid, etc. :lmao: Seriously. Outright LOL'd. Heehee. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 I've just never been told I've had intimacy issues before. I'm not quite familiar with what such issues are/the signs of them/etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherished Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Have you tried dating women who are actually in your town/area so you can see them everyday? You aren't really getting to know a woman that well if you are calling an online "relationship" a girlfriend/boyfriend romance, it simply is not. Not even with webcams. Are you not able to develop relationships in the real world? Why don't you just try dating someone you can actually be around and kiss. Sorry but this is not a true relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 see pages 1-4 or whatever Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I've just never been told I've had intimacy issues before. I'm not quite familiar with what such issues are/the signs of them/etc. I wasn't ever told either, but as a survivor of child sexual abuse/child abuse, well not looking for it, ended me smack dab in the middle of "oh, so that's why I do that, and have trouble with this mm hmm mm hmm" . Google it, I'm sure you'll find all kinds of literature that will speak to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I've just never been told I've had intimacy issues before. I'm not quite familiar with what such issues are/the signs of them/etc. The way I understand it is when you hook up with someone who is emotionally unavailable to you (in this case, you are "dating" over the internet... kinda unavailable, isn't it? And not your first time either -- so there's a pattern there. Also -- you don't share your true self with your girl... ), and you wonder WHY you don't have a relationship with them... it's because either one of you, or both of you, have intimacy issues... On the Infidelity board on LoveShack, there are plenty of people who hook up with married people... or who are married themselves... this way, they are distancing themselves from their OWN spouse, or if single... they are choosing unavailable people for a 'relationship'... Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 The way I understand it is when you hook up with someone who is emotionally unavailable to you (in this case, you are "dating" over the internet... kinda unavailable, isn't it? And not your first time either -- so there's a pattern there), and you wonder WHY you don't have a relationship with them... it's because either one of you, or both of you, have intimacy issues... Yeah, to add to that some of the signs are *not being able to express your true feelings and thoughts with your partner, not expressing value systems etc. There's more but I'm falling asleep LMAO just google Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 There's more but I'm falling asleep LMAO yeah! me too! I am off to bed now! Let us know how the two of you are doing with updates prolix! Link to post Share on other sites
Jada Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 If I were you Prolix I'd totally move on, she doesn't have a job but can afford make up and the likes, sounds like her parents are indulging her whims and she's now 18 so that means they've been doing it for a while. As for cooking you dinner she won't make it for herself so it's just a novelty. Have you thought about the future? I'm betting she doesn't do much of anything else either and that Mum does it ie cleaning, laundry ecetera. What your really looking for is a female who knows the value of money and knows how to spend their money in a wise way. She doesn't fit this criteria. She relies on her mother to do things for her from what you've mentioned and if she relies on her mother then naturally she's going to rely on you. Might seem okay now but 2 years down the road it's going to be a big turnoff. You have a gut instinct for a reason and at times we don't listen to it only to kick ourselves down the road eventually. Your gut instinct is warning you but I guess your also doubting yourself since your on here, I'd listen to it before it's too late. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I've gotta be straight here, but Prolix? You aren't being honest with these people who have invested a lot of time and effort into these posts. A huge issue you have with her is trust, due to her having unprotected sex with at least one guy in the past few months, catching two STDs from it, and blaming one of the STDs on her mother giving it to her. (Trust me - she ain't nearly as bored as she is leading you to believe!) No wonder you are picking on a silly, immaterial item like a shirt, and having a cow over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Thing is I wasn't even thinking about any of that when it's come to this issue. This is a separate concern altogether. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Impossible. There is no way that such a huge issue as trust doesn't show itself in basic, day to day interactions. You don't trust her, so you don't trust her not to lie about her home situation, about what she would want from you, and about her motivations in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Thing is, even without the STD incident, I would still have uneasiness with respect to those issues. So perhaps it is a trust issue, but it is unrelated to the STD thing. Regardless, I have a hard time trusting women in general because every single one of them I have met/dated usually turns out to either: 1. Rely on me excessively for material items or other things in general / expects me to basically support them in far too many ways 2. Lie to me And so I feel like I have to be so cautious just to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Prolix Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 I mean I just have a very hard time trusting PEOPLE in general. I find that almost every single person I've ever met is capable of lying to my face, and it's made me lose a lot of faith in people. I just can't believe anything anyone says anymore. In the end, people look out for themselves and don't seem to be willing to ACTUALLY put forth effort, thought, or sacrifice on their own accord. When the going gets tough, people bail and go for path of least resistance, from my experience. If it's somehow costly to be honest with me, people simply won't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlygirl1977 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I will not go against the idea of meeting someone from online and not in person altogether again. But I think there may be a reason you in particular YOU look to do this. It may have something to do with your fear of intimacy - you look for people remotely who do not live near you and who you can't see regularly perhaps for this reason? Again - i'm not saying all of these situations are bad - just I see a habit/trend with you and now we have identified some of these potential issues for you, I felt I should say it. And if I were you - yeah the STD issue would def bug me. Link to post Share on other sites
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