apierce Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 When I was 17 I met the girl that I ended up marrying. We dated for a little over two years and have been married for almost two. In March she had an affair and I saw no signs until it happened (close friends and family said they saw it coming). I still love her as much as I did at the peak of our relationship. She has been very honest and open about what happened and seems to be truly saddened by her own actions. I have had my share of hardships in life and thought that she would be the one person that I could always trust and fall back on, but I have found myself unable to forgive and move past this. It was a multi-staged process with someone who at the time was a close friend of mine. At first she told me that they held hands and sat close one night, which upset me a little but I thought that maybe it was just some lapse of judgement and it wouldn't happen again. Then about 2 weeks later, I caught them kissing one night. She seemed devastated and didn't talk to him anymore for a while and it put a strain on our relationship, but I thought that surely we could get past that as well. Finally, about a month after I caught them kissing she came to my workplace and told me that they had sex that day. I was shocked. I know that the events leading up to it were huge red flags, but I just didn't think that it would happen. It's been 3 months now and the mental pictures and thoughts get harder to deal with each and every day. I have been diagnosed with severe depression and am on medication that doesn't really seem to help. I know the easy thing to do would be to leave, but I worry about how she would do on her own. Thanks for reading all of this and I appreciate your advice.
lupa Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I gotta tell you, from the bad dream I've been living in (where what you're talking about hasn't happened yet), just get out. Get done. Maybe one day she'll come back to you, and then maybe you can think about forgiving her. Easier said than done, my friend, easier said than done. I'm in the process of cleaning out my garage (mom is here, doing most of the work). It feels like i'm dumping a lot of the "garbage" from my life...like this is a metaphor or something. I dunno. It was a little overwhelming so I came up here to just scan this site...and I saw your story. I'm telling you man, the next few months are going to be freaking miserable. Listen to Gunny.
Gunny376 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Man-up and dump her like a bad habit! You can't do so quick enough! She's a mistake of your youth, in-experience and ignorance of relationships! Then get busy learning about the same! Quit being a fool and get yourself back in school!
Cinnamon777 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Listen to Gunny... he is tough but wise. You are still young and will be able to find someone that is a better match for you. While I'm sure you still love her, part of that just might be the comfort you feel from being in the relationship with her. I would NOT worry about how SHE is going to manage. She has created this situation and she needs to accept responsibility for her actions. Since she was not able to control herself and gave in to lustful desires with someone else, she is not committed to you. It's one thing if she recommitted herself after the hand holding incident... or after the first kiss... but it kept intensifying and she did not give one crap about you. Let her go. Be grateful you don't have children. Make a fresh start. You can do anything in the whole wide world... Go for it!! Keep posting here to help with your feelings... but this problem is only an opportunity in disguise (Deepak Chopra).
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