Love wasn't enough?

[Emacula]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site and this is my first post, bare with me!

 

This is a long tale so please, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

After a 3 year relationship, I split up with my then boyfriend Mr. X. We went through a lot together (imagine something from the J.Springer or J.Kyle show) and it ended badly. I split up with him just before Christmas, I had to due to what went on.

 

Christmas Eve I went out on my own and bumped into some old friends, and was introduced to some new ones, one of which I got on really well with, Mr. Y. We talked all night about our ex's (he had split up 6 months prior from his cheating ex), we had a laugh and got along really well.

 

Mr. Y and me became best friends, we would meet up with all our other friends and I would always go back to his house to crash afterward (he lived with his flatmate), and he would even take me home in the morning to make sure I was at work on time. We texted all the time and made each other laugh, everyone said we would be the perfect couple but we were content being friends, we became so comfortable around each other that I started sleeping in his bed after a night out and we would cuddle together.

 

Mr. Y was always there for me, and I started to really fancy him about 7 months down the line, but I daren't tell him in case he didn't feel the same way and just thought of me as a really good friend. After about a year and a half of us knowing each other, I went through some family issues and I ended up staying at his for a few nights, and he managed to sort me out with a flat of my own, which I moved into.

 

After living at my new flat about a month I went out to meet Mr. Y for a drink with our friends and we went back to his house after as always, and we were chatting away and listening to music and he blurted out how much he loved me and had done so for a year.

 

We got together, and about two weeks later he ended up moving in with me, mainly due to circumstance (he and his flatmate got evicted because his flatmate couldn't keep up with the rent) with the intention of finding a place of his own, but he ended up staying with me which was fine by both of us.

 

I fell deeply in love with Mr. Y, I fell more in love with him than I did with Mr. X because we were best friends for such a long time prior to getting together.

 

Everything was fine but about four months later I came home after work and he was doing the dishes, we'd had an argument that morning about soemthing trivial and suddenly he was saying he didn't think he was good enough for me. I told him of course he was and that I loved him, but he started making the move to packing his things, and I asked him not to go, and he changed his mind.

 

We were fine for a while, we seemed to get back on track again but then I nearly left him because he has a lot of insecurities and he didn't fully trust me, I have a lot of guy mates and he was worried I would cheat on him with one of them as it had happened to him before. I was going to stay with my parents for a while and he got down on his knnes and begged me not to go, saying that he loved me and that he didn't want it to end, that he would change, so I stayed.

 

Everything was good for a while again, but then he recieved a letter saying that he needed to be in court. He was going to lose his driving license. We resolved, as his worked too far away to travel via public transport, to move closer to his work, I got a new job and we new rented house under his name.

 

On the day of moving we had a huge argument, we were both stressed out, but it was because he thought I had too much stuff compared to what he had when he was living on his own, so I threw a lot of it and gave a lot of it away for him. I moved a fair way away from my family and friends. But I was happy as long as he was happy.

 

We moved into the new house, everything was great, he even got me a car for valentines day so that I could get to my new job, everything was fine and we started planning for a future, but then about a month later he broke up with me again. He said "How would you feel about us going our seperate ways?" It was a terrible time for me, I won't go into detail right now but it was pretty much final at the time. I was devastated and I ended up moving back in with my parents.

 

I got in touch with Mr. X and told him about everything that had been going on, and I even apologised to him for the way that we ended as I know now what it's like to be on the receiving end. He was brilliant with me and we have become really good friends since.

 

About a week later when I went to collect the rest of my things he said he missed me and loved me and wanted to get back together, so we did. I was over the moon, I thought that maybe it was just the stress of everything that had been happening in his life that had pushed him to take it out on me and he said he was so sorry. I didn't move back in but I did start spending weekends with him.

 

Then his friends started acting up, he went to a party one weekend and I went to a part at one of my friends houses, when I got a phone call from some girl from his phone asking me who I was, she claimed she was his girlfriend but I heard him in the background shouting my name and yelling at her to give him the phone back. I know he wouldn't cheat on me so I told her where to go and hung up.

 

The next morning he turned up at my friends house battered and bruised, and one of his so called 'mates' had smashed a vodka bottle over his head when he tried to leave that night to come to me. He told me he was going to ditch his friends because they were no good for him and tried to split us up.

 

About.... 2 months later he started knit-picking at everything I did / said / wore. Not constantly but he would put me down and when I told him he was doing it he said he didn't mean to and that he was really sorry. I love him so much and I'd already changed so much for him but I couldn't take much more.

 

We had a terrible weekend together and he was in a foul mood, and he kept on having a go at me about my new hair cut, he said I looked like a dyke with it being short now and suddenly the fact I like games consoles became an issue. I went paintballing that weekend with friends, (I'm a bit of a tom-boy) he was unhappy with the fact I'm not (in his words: a 'normal' girl. He really put me down and I snapped. We were going to go to the cinema but I asked him to take me home and on the way he asked me if I wanted to talk about it so he pulled over and we did talk. We made up and came back to my house where we watched a film and cuddled. He looked at me and said he loved me really sincerely before he left, but as soon as he did I thought about everything that had happened and decided I needed a break.

 

I sent him an email detailing how I was feeling and said he was welcome to contact me but I might not respond so quick as I need space, and he did ring me twice but I didn't answer which was so hard to do. I then texted him saying that if I had recieved something like that from him I would have tried to get to him to talk and he texted me back saying he was so sorry and that he loves me and I didn't answer. He then texted be again saying I'm listening to our song, I love you so much give me a microphone I'll shout it to the world and I didn't answer.

 

4 days later I rang him and we spoke on the phone, and he said that he couldn't keep me happy, I couldn't keep him happy, and that his friends don't like me and he doesn't want to have to choose all the time even though he loves me, he said maybe we could get back together in a few months. I told him I hope he and his friends are very happy together and hung up the phone and for about an hour I was relieved that it was finally over and I didn't have to put up with him anymore, but that quickly subsided and ever since I have been miserable.

 

I love him so much and I really want us to work out, I've tried so hard to make him happy and it's obvious he has tried too but things keep messing up. It's really hit home that it could be well and truely over because last week a mutual friend brought me the rest of my things that I had left there, including a gift I gave to him...

 

I rang him a few later to arrange maybe talking to one another and me giving him the rest of his things back and he said "Yeah that would be great" and when I said maybe we could talk he said "Well... what about?" and I said "well, about us" and he said "We're over, it just wasn't working was it, I love you but we just couldn't make each other happy so I think it's best we just end it on a good note." He was so casual about it, so.... empty... cold. I told him not to contact me unless he really needed to and that I would drop his stuff off when I know he won't be there so it's easier, and he said "I'll see you around though" and I just said "sure."

 

I rang Mr. X and talked to him about it, and he said what will be will be and that if he's stupid enough to let me go then I deserve better but I don't want him to 'let me go'.

 

My heart is breaking, I don't want us to end. I love him so much and he says he loves me. I can't see myself getting over him, I want to run away just so I don't have to worry about bumping into him or seeing him with someone else. I can't sleep because I dream about him but I don't want to wake up to whats happened. I want him to miss me so much that he comes running but I don't think he will... What do I do? How do I move on? Will he miss me? Did he really love me?

 

I've blocked him on facebook so I don't see him, I've deleted his number so I don't Dial Under The Influence but I still can't stop thinking about him and even checking his myspace that he doesn't use.

 

Please somebody help me, I'm going out of my mind.

 

Thank you for reading all this, it feels better to just get it off my chest.

 

E x

[Mary3]

I think that you and Mr. Y have some of the basic components of a great relationship. That being the friendship part and the love. Do I think he loves you ? Yes. How much ? Not sure .

 

I have to wonder if Mr. Y has a drinking problem. ?

 

He seems to suffer from low self esteem. Not thinking he is good enough for you. There is nothing you can do about his feelings of self worth. Counseling might help him. Maybe go seperately and together .

 

Its very difficult to have a R without trust . He is jealous and insecure when he sees you hanging out with your mates.

 

Why did he lose his drivers license ? Was it for drinking and driving ?

 

You did ALOT for this guy in the name of love...You gave your stuff away. You moved away from family/ friends . You tried and tried.

 

I wonder about the girl . Did she call you as a prank ? Was she their friends and trying to break you up ?

 

Sounds like HUGE pressure from his friends. He snapped. Not to excuse all that but some young immature guys will pick their friends over a girl.

 

His insecurity is like a sickness. He wants to be cured of it but its ugly head rears up when you talk to other guys.

 

The ONLY reason he is relieved is because of the pressure his friends put on him. He loves you. With counseling and you both move farrr away from his mates you might have a chance.

 

You love him. Find him and TALK to him to his face. Not hard sell. Just soft. Tell him you think its difficult because of his friends. You cant change the fact that they dont like you. Can you both just concentrate on eachother ? I bet his friends are reveling....

[BearPower]

To be honest, mr X sounds even better, the fact he is still there for you after all this says a lot....

Mr Y...I dont know.,...I get a dodgy feeling about this, and it stinks of something going on you dont know about.....

 

Part of the reason he thinks your not good enough for him is probably cos he cheated on you and he is feeling guilty.

 

Im warning you here, proceed with caution

[Emacula]

he hasn't cheated on me, I'm positive about that, he wouldn't do that to me, he did his fair amount of crappy things i.e. putting me down and letting his friends treat me like crap but thats because he's a people pleaser and he didn't want everyone to fall out. Which made me miserable him not standing up to his friends. It's part of the reason I tried to walk away and he begged me to stay.

 

He lost his license because he was well over the speed limit but he has done drink driving before, and he did drink a lot before and told me he thought he was an alcoholic but I know he isn't and that he is a good person.

 

I don't know what to do for the best, everyone keeps going on about NC to get over him and that is what I want to do but I also want him back, I want him to realise what he's lost and I just don't know how he will realise that if I disappear completely?