ckdad Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Hi Everyone, I never thought I would end up on a site like this and am very glad for everyone here. So here is my story. I have been married for close to 12 years to a very good woman. We have to great kids (5 and 2.5), live in a nice neighbourhood basically all the good stuff. I have not always been the best husband and have made a lot of changes to my life over the past 6 years. My wife is by no means perfect. 6 years ago I come home from a business trip to find out my wife has moved out of the house. Reason = you are an ass****. After much begging and pleading she comes back and we move on with our lives and have a couple of kids. Fastforward to June 08 last year. Wife = I want out of our relationship you are an ass****. More begging and pleading etc. Turns out she is have some sort of sex chat with someone online. We forgive each other and agree to move on with our lives and to forget the past. This year. She says I am done with our relationship AGAIN F**K!!!! So no more begging and pleading we talk and basically comes to this. She says I will put no more effort into our relationship I am staying for the kids we are married but I am done trying. She is a SAHM. She has gone from being happy and sweet to being nasty, and disrespectful. She will not say she loves me on the phone or when saying goodbye. Which she did three weeks ago before this happened. She will have sex with me but always is sure to comment on how it could be anyone etc. I want to go see a marriage counsellor she will not go. I have never had an affair on her but have lied to her (we both have lied). So I am not sure what to do. I am well versed that you cannot change anyone but I am extremely frustrated. I want to tell her to shove it but I really do not want my marriage to breakup. At the same time how do I stay in a loveless marriage for the kids? Do you think she just needs more time? Thanks to everyone.
ON MY OWN Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Kids can pick up on this behavior and will be affected by it. IMO, if it were me I would tell her its the counselor or the door. I would not want to live with that level of disrespect, she is having her cake and eat it too it sounds like to me. I know you dont want the marriage to end, my question to you, why is she opposed to a marriage counselor? I am truly sorry that you have to suffer such pain!! My thoughts and prayers are with you!!
Author ckdad Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Hey Onmyown, Thanks for the kind words. The only explanation she gives (about the cousellor) is that she is done working on the relationship. Although the other 2 times she wouldn't go either. My guess to the real truth is that she may find out that I am not the only one to blame here. That she too owns some part here. She is really just pushing me away and although at the start of all this I was able to resist the B.S. Its really starting to get to me. I think I will make a marriage councellor appointment and if she won't go I will. Then we will see.
Cinnamon777 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 You do not need to suffer this... and neither do your children. If she is "done working on the marriage", it's not likely any convincing is going to change her mind. Since she is in chat rooms and clearly not emotionally committed to you, it's likely she will not change her mind. And - by the way - why would you want to stay with someone who treats you this way? Stand up for yourself and tell her either counseling or divorce. You can not do all the work in the marriage and your kids will suffer from the stress and tension of being in a household with a hurtful and loveless marriage. She might be a "good person", but so are you. Before you start to hate each other, just stop. You need to find a way to maintain enough of a relationship to raise your children. They are young and will likely adapt, but will suffer if you and your wife are unable to keep things civil. I would suggest counseling for yourself if she won't go. It will help you to move through things emotionally and support you through the changes. You will be a better person for taking care of yourself and being there as much as possible for your kids. Right now - focus on you and your kids. Your wife is making a mess for herself and she is likely to wake up from this and wonder what she did and how she got to this point. It would be nice if she did this before ruining your marriage, but she has already gotten close to the breaking point it would seem. You might want to consult a lawyer before you take any action though... best to protect yourself in this situation and be safe than sorry. Big Hugs!
LisaUk Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Hi, I think talk to your counsellor about her issues with you and ask for suggestions on how to change your behaviour. You are right you cannot change another persons behaviour, BUT you can change your reaction to it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it does sound like your wife is being really unreasonable and hurtful, but you cannot get her to see this. The only hope you have of changing her behaviour towards you, is by changing your behaviour towards her. make sense?
Author ckdad Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I guess the best answer is counselling for myself. I'm am getting really sick of this. How are you supposed to respond to we are married but I am not working on it? Okay so... I can't fix her and I realize that. I hate the B.S. The more I think about it maybe she is trying to push me away so I am the one to make the split. Then it will be my fault. Se is clearly working hard to hurt my feelings. I wan't to tell her to f**k off.
boogieboy Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 What did you do to make her call you and asswhole and want to jump ship?
sugarmomma Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 My question exactly! What is it about you that is an *******? are you abusive, disrespectful, inconsiderate, thoughtless, a liar etc? What did you do that you refused to change after she took you back? I hope I get an answer to this question.
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