4givrnt4gtr Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I am so ashamed of myself right now. So VERY ashamed! Last friday my bf and I went out with some friends. They had an open bar with wine and beer. Well, I had one too many glasses of wine. Everything was fine up to the third glass. I was tipsy but not wasted so I got myself a 4th glass. And i totally blacked out. I have absolutely no recollection of what happened after I got that glass of wine. The next think i knew I was in my bed, with my clothes on and my bf next to me. At first i was confused as to why he was there since i thought for a second it was a weekday, but then a sinking feeling told me it wasnt and I had gotten wasted. I then proceeded to force myself to remember if i drove home, and I couldnt. For the life of me i couldnt remember how I got home. I then went to the bathroom and changed into Pjs...and found my knees all scraped and bruised. I then had a flashback of me on the floor crying... Ohhhhhhh crap. I force myself to think even more and I suddendly felt I might have gotten into a fight with my bf. Ive been nervous for a while that i may be liking him more than he likes me and that i may be too mushy towards him but never really thought it would be something that would come up on a drunken night. I kept trying so hard to remember but nothing but shadows came up. I really dont know what happened. So i go to my room and my bf wakes up. I say good morning and he looks at me a little scared. I asked him if i gave him s*it the night before and he said "a little bit", that I broke up with him and got back together with him so many times that he lost count. I was floored. that is about the last thing i want to do!!! I asked him what happened and he told me I had dragged him out of the party and said i wanted to walk. We were at our college which we graduated a few years back so he mentioned how he used to take walks like those. I guess i flipped because i thought he was talking about his ex and told him that he is always thinking about her. Apparently i went ballistic telling him how i knew he still loved her and didnt love me etc. (i actually have reasons to say this, one of them being that a few months ago he told me he really wanted to be friends with her still). I guess he tried to convinced me he wasnt talking about her but i didnt want to hear of it. Apparently I told him i couldnt be with someone who had someone else on his mind and he kept assuring me that it wasnt the case, that he liked me and she is completely out of the question. In any case, when he told me what happened he said that he didnt know what to expect when he woke up because apparently i was so adamant about not believing him and I guess he thought I didnt want to be with him anymore. I assured him that wasnt the case, that I have absolutely no recollection of any of it, and whats more, have no idea why i flipped out like that. We talked some more, he reassured me again and again that he has no feelings whatsoever for his ex. I told him that i still felt i liked him more than he liked me and he said that if that was the case it wasnt because of her. That it was because he is too afraid of letting himself go entirely just yet, that we've only dated for 6 months and he is being much more cautious now, but he knows he will get there if I only give him a chance and trust him. He also said that he was nervous that I reacted like that because he has no idea how to deal with it and is afraid i will do it again. I assured him i wont since I realize i dont really hold my alcohol well so I wont be drinking more than a drink again. Anyhow, after that he's been super super loving towards me which totally confuses me. Im actually surprised he didnt bounce right after such scene. Im not sure how to take it or react. I feel so ashamed and embarrased and his display of total understanding and affection makes me feel even more guilty. Im not really sure how to act now. Ive said sorry a million times and he's said that he understand and not to feel silly. I still do and Im petrified of the type of image he has of me now. What should i do??? pretend like it didnt happen? Why would he be so understanding after such an embarrasing scene????
Thornton Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 If he's still with you he's being surprisingly understanding and you are very lucky. In time this will probably blow over, as long as there isn't a repeat performance. But seriously, you need to avoid drinking if you have blackouts after a few glasses of wine. A standard glass of wine contains two units of alcohol, so if eight units makes you black out you probably have a rather low tolerance for alcohol. If you must drink, drink slowly - drinking fast can often induce blackouts. Avoid wine and go for something weaker like a bottle or small glass of mild beer, or a single shot of spirits with a long mixer.
Kamille Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I told him that i still felt i liked him more than he liked me and he said that if that was the case it wasnt because of her. That it was because he is too afraid of letting himself go entirely just yet, that we've only dated for 6 months and he is being much more cautious now, but he knows he will get there if I only give him a chance and trust him. He also said that he was nervous that I reacted like that because he has no idea how to deal with it and is afraid i will do it again. I assured him i wont since I realize i dont really hold my alcohol well so I wont be drinking more than a drink again. If you feel you like him more then he likes you, the first thing you should do is step back. I get the impression that since you feel you like him more then he likes you, your impulse is to try and get him to reassure you and tell you it's not true. This in turn creates the kind of drama where you will imagine it must be because he's still into his ex, or where you get drunk and then have major arguments when drunk. The thing is, no action you do will ever convince either you or him that you're on the same page. Therefore, the only thing you can do is 1) accept you like him more and 2) balance it out by investing in other things in your life. In other words, make sure you are the source of your well-being and happiness, not him. To be honest, and I know some people will disagree, in my experience, it's being insecure that's keeping him from fully investing. So you need to snap yourself out of ta vicious circle here: he doesn't show you enough affection so you become insecure so he doesn't let himself go. Either decide you want more then he can offer and move on, or back off, make yourself happy and let him figure his emotions out all on his own.
boldjack Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 4give, You are very lucky. Apparently he likes you more than you realized. If you had done that to me, you would have been alone, when you woke up.
Jilly Bean Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Two things stand out. 1 - I'd be concerned about the black out drinking. I've definitely had my binge nights, but I've never blacked out. That is just so scary to me. 2 - I am of the belief that when drunk, people reveal their true personalities. I'd also be concerned about the venom you had towards your BF, who, btw, seems like a totally standup guy. WDYT?
paddington bear Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 A friend of mine did exactly this. Got totally drunk told her boyfriend all sorts of horrible things, demanded sex, then forgot they'd had sex and screamed and shouted at him for not wanting to sleep with her and more and more crazy stuff. She woke up the next day and wondered why he wasn't in the bed beside her. No recollection. He told her what happened, and she, like you was totally mortified. However...like your guy he must have really, really liked her, as they have a child together now and live together. I think sometimes alcohol can bring out all those horrible fears you have inside, all the unspoken things come out. I myself once had a blackout, and I got very emotional and said a lot of stuff, started crying. I'm wondering is there a connection with feeling vulnerable emotionally and the actual blackout. I hadn't drunk that much myself when this happened to me, wondering if some brain chemistry is at work here, like your brain uses the alcohol to make you black out in order to get all those unspoken things aired once and for all... anyway, this guy likes you, no more drinking for you missy or you will mess this up totally, he'll forgive you once for this, but not a second time.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Thank you all for your responses. Yeah I definitely know im a very lucky girl, as he is still with me and not only that but he is being a total angel. I know I am really insecured about his past relationship (long story short, up to last month he still wanted to have her in his life, he told me he missed her as a friend. However, i guess she wrote him an email that made him see she was a total waste of time). However, i know i have to get over it. THis is actually the second time i yell at him when drunk. The first time i knew i was mad and was more controlled and knew what i was saying. This time though, I have absolutely no idea where it came from and that scares me. In any case im 100% certain that if it happens again i will lose him. No more alcohol for me.
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