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Dream About Ex

pleasebelieveme

By pleasebelieveme
in Coping

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pleasebelieveme Member

pleasebelieveme

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My ex broke up with me over two years ago. We've been in no contact for most of that time, and for the entirety of the last six months. These last six months I've been doing very well (though, I admit, I'm not over her yet).

 

Last night I had a very intense, seemingly-real dream about my ex. I dreamt about the very thing all of us who are dumped are afraid of - running into our ex and they are doing GREAT, on top of the world, etc. In the dream she had completely redone her house (it was beautiful already), she was engaged, and was enormously happy. In the dream I was invited to her house for a party to celebrate her recent engagement and I couldn't escape. It was MY friends who took me there, and they were friends with my ex's new fiancee and pushed the whole thing on me. I had no one to turn to.

 

Anyhow.

 

All day today since the dream I feel like I've been set back, literally, to the day we broke up. That was a long time ago! I'm a mess. I've been reading old emails, letters, googling her online - doing all the wrong things. Ugh!

 

My question: Anyone have a similar experience, and if so, what did you do to get past it? I feel so stuck right now!!

 

-pbm

NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

Posted
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I've been there after my divorce a few years back. Would not even be thinking about her for months. Hell... years! Then bam! Dream time.. Mine were more of the "bad" type dreams with her. Like her cheating and not showing any remorse when she was caught but, thats why I left in the first place, so it wasnt a setback in my case.. It does fade with time. With my newest ex(3mo) I have those type dreams every now and then aswell.. They're more along the lines of what you're talking about. I've decided there's no going back(even if she asked and she has) and do wish the best for her and her son in their future. I just know I cannot be the man in that picture, as it would never work..take care! :cool:

hopefulInFuture Established Member

hopefulInFuture

Posted
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there's one thing I don't understand. Why should the happiness of other people, even our exes, make us unhappy? This means that you have not yet accepted and let go. Even so, I have never wished unhappiness not even to my enemies. If she's happy, it's because she worked on it, it's not because she's happy without you.

 

I am glad for the happiness of everyone around me. It's not my decision whether someone should be happy or not. Life's too short and everyone deserves happiness at least for some time. But I believe in karma and that people who did the wrong, will eventually pay for it and you don't have to bother about it. People who lie, cheat, do the wrong will never achieve the single most important thing for the happiness: peace within themselves, and even if they do it will not be everlasting.

 

So, why do you wonder whether your ex is happy? Be happy for her if she is. What's wrong is that you should be happy yourself by now. You should concentrate on doing all the things that you couldn't do together with her and that make you happy.

NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

Posted
Posted
there's one thing I don't understand. Why should the happiness of other people, even our exes, make us unhappy? This means that you have not yet accepted and let go. Even so, I have never wished unhappiness not even to my enemies. If she's happy, it's because she worked on it, it's not because she's happy without you.

 

I am glad for the happiness of everyone around me. It's not my decision whether someone should be happy or not. Life's too short and everyone deserves happiness at least for some time. But I believe in karma and that people who did the wrong, will eventually pay for it and you don't have to bother about it. People who lie, cheat, do the wrong will never achieve the single most important thing for the happiness: peace within themselves, and even if they do it will not be everlasting.

 

So, why do you wonder whether your ex is happy? Be happy for her if she is. What's wrong is that you should be happy yourself by now. You should concentrate on doing all the things that you couldn't do together with her and that make you happy.

YES!! :cool:
gwynieatpain Established Member

gwynieatpain

Posted
Posted

I have been dreaming of my ex many times. Dreaming about him with me in our house was a torture.

 

Why should the happiness of other people, even our exes, make us unhappy? This means that you have not yet accepted and let go. Even so, I have never wished unhappiness not even to my enemies. If she's happy, it's because she worked on it, it's not because she's happy without you.

 

I'm not a Saint. I would let myself to think in this way when I was having a weak moment. Well, to me, it's only a part of healing process! It's been 8 months since the break up with my ex-fiance. I would have married in May but it didn't happen. To think that he's being unhappy doesn't empower me, but to think or to wish that he's having a better life after cheating is pretty sad.

 

One day I'm sure that I won't care, or wanna hear that he's happy or else.

I'm looking forward to reach this stage.

 

Life's too short and everyone deserves happiness at least for some time. But I believe in karma and that people who did the wrong, will eventually pay for it and you don't have to bother about it. People who lie, cheat, do the wrong will never achieve the single most important thing for the happiness: peace within themselves, and even if they do it will not be everlasting.

 

I'm a believer of karma also. :laugh:

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pleasebelieveme Member

pleasebelieveme

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Posted
there's one thing I don't understand. Why should the happiness of other people, even our exes, make us unhappy? This means that you have not yet accepted and let go. Even so, I have never wished unhappiness not even to my enemies. If she's happy, it's because she worked on it, it's not because she's happy without you.

 

I don't know that it is that we don't want them to be happy. We do. I think we just want them to be happy because of US!. Not because of some other circumstance - particularly if they're happy because of a new love.

 

Also, I wonder if there is some element of a loss of control involved. In other words, we want to feel like we control our exes, so when they're not happy we feel like we have some control over them by keeping them unhappy and thinking they can only be happy with us.

 

I could be wrong. I don't know any of this for sure.

 

-pbm

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