agatha Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 OK, so my relationship has ended, something that I was kind of expecting but really didn’t want to. After 3 weeks without getting in touch with me, he finally called me, I said too many things, he ended. Although I started the ending with my questions and *fight*, he was the one to really say “it’s over”, of course saying too that “it’s gonna be difficult for me because I really like you, but you deserve better”. I am very upset. So now, what? I am 100000% sure he will never get in touch with me again, so NC is a given, he’ll hurt for a while (IF he does at all, who knows?) and will move on. I, in the other hand, will be wondering and thinking and guessing and hurting and analysing for a longgg time, yes, I am THAT stupid! All this happened in the worst time for me, I was laid off last month and I’m feeling very down already (one of the reason I was so upset with him, I got NO support from him during that time). We have some friends who will, for sure, ask ME what happened… if I say the truth I’ll be the one blabbing about our relationship, if I don’t say anything I’ll be the one who liked to fight and couldn’t cope with whatever. How stupid I am that I am even worried about that? But I am. And you know what else? I am feeling like a BIG failure, I know I shouldn’t but I am. I know that I tried hard, but I also made some mistakes and it’s killing me that this relationship ended like that, with no real closure. I don’t know exactly what happened, why he changed so much from the very loving guy to the cold and emotional distant one, how he could NOT give me any emotional support when I needed and still say he liked me, why he decided to end at this moment, so many stupid questions I shouldn’t even bother to think about… I don’t know what I am asking here, maybe my real question is how to deal with a break up when I will be on the receiving side of the NC… I know the answer will be to just “move on”, but is there anything I should be doing to feel a little better? I’m feeling like crap.
Exit Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Nothing you're feeling is unusual. We all feel confused when it happens, especially a quick breakup. You want answers and explanations but you will probably never get them. All you can do is spend a healthy/reasonable amount of time feeling bad about it, you aren't going to pick up the pieces and move on tonight, not likely. If you want to be sad then be sad. But after a few days you have to start rebuilding. Here are some of the best tips.... -Before trying to push your ex out of your mind completely, take the time to write out a list of all the things they did to hurt you, you will read this list whenever you miss them or want to call them. You already mentioned one thing about how he didn't support you when you were having a hard time. -Establish some goals or get hobby. Exercise, read, take classes, listen to music, anything. I know right now this doesn't sound easy, you don't think you'll ever stop thinking about the breakup, but eventually your mind will want a break. The most helpful thing for me has been eating healthy and working out. -Go out with friends WHEN READY. And if they are the type of friend who is a good listener then don't at all feel guilty for talking to them about it. Don't walk into a lively party and drag the whole thing down with your misery, but if you can go out with one or two close friends, there's no reason not to talk to them about it a little bit. And of course, read the advice here at the forums, and continue posting if you need to.
Cloudberry Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Think of all the exciting, happy things in your future. Just a month from now, you'll feel so much better. Maybe you'll be dating someone new.
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