caz83 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Just out of curiosity, what situation do people think has a better chance of the dumper changing their mind and coming back.... 1) If they dump you just because they think things arent working etc. 2) If they dump you for someone else I suppose if they havent got someone else to replace you and distract them then there is every chance they will miss you and they are free to come back if they choose. but on the other hand, if there wasn't anyone to tempt them and go straight to then it means it was more of a concious and considered reason to leave and there must have really been a problem. If there was someone else then it might be a case of them thinking the grass is greener and they may have got caught up in the excitment of something new so the decision to leave might have been more rushed and not as carefully thought about. So IF they find that the grass isnt greener then they might begin to regret their decision to leave. But on the other hand, they have someone to replace you and distract them from missing you and it gets alot more complicated to come back if they want to as they are now tied to someone else. What do people think?
BearPower Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 i think that is very confusing, but also could hold some truth. Either way, you have to practive letting go as much as you can during NC. Even if you cant let go completely, you have to at least try
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Well, IMO, it would depend on the emotional content of the dump.... If highly emotional and drama filled, either reason could be given and/or felt and there is still a good chance of reconciliation. If the dump is calm, articulated and unemotional, this generally signals prior detachment and little possibility of reconciliation. Unless you're married, no one is "tied" to anyone, save for having children together. Marriage creates a legal contract which one must negotiate or adjudicate their way out of. Regardless, the same rules still apply, IMO. If one has checked out of the marriage and is detached, little hope remains.
BearPower Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Carhill, you are far to wise..... seriously...its scary in a very calming way
wow123 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 If someone leaves you because they will be happier without you alone I dont think there's a very good chance of returning unless it happens within days. If someone leaves you for someone else and it doesn't work out they may come back either because they realized what they lost or maybe they are just lonely.
ON MY OWN Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 IMO the dumper is more likely to come back moreso if they left because of it not working out over being with someone new. They have a new relationship and have not yet determined the bugaboos with it. It is easier then dealing with the problems. To me people like that bail when things have to be worked at and are weak to not even stick to thier promise to you. Problems can always be worked on, even if a counselor can add a helpful touch. When they have another person, they care more about the new relationship more because nothing has beared its ugly head yet.
Author caz83 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 yes my ex was definitly more interested in his new relationship than in fixing things with me. but when things do rear their ugly head....which they always will because no relationship is perfect...arent they then more likely to possibly question their decision?
BCCA Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 yes my ex was definitly more interested in his new relationship than in fixing things with me. but when things do rear their ugly head....which they always will because no relationship is perfect...arent they then more likely to possibly question their decision? No, I think they are more likely to find yet another 'greener pasture'. I think when someone leaves you for someone else, they mentally dumped you long before that, or decided you weren't worth the effort at the least. They dont want to work on problems with YOU, they would rather find someone else. That's very telling about the value they placed on your relationship. I really think the best chance of someone coming back is if things ended in a huff, say during a fight. If people make rash decisions on the spot, they tend to regret them later. If they came out and dumped you, chances are it was something they were thinking about, and once the seed of doubt is planted, its usually the point of no return.
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