You'reasian Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Some buddies and I were talking over beer earlier this weekend. One of the topics of conversation was about women and dating. The issue? Why is it easier to date 4-6 different girls than it is to have 1 girlfriend? Why do women prefer this arrangement? My theory: scarcity - women appreciate scarcity more than men. For instance, we've all seen women whom have alot of guys going after them, based on tradition (that its the males job to persue) and are interested in neither of them. Thus, when a guy can only see one of this many women at a time before he has to go back to whatever he does, she appreciates him more. modernization - women are crazy busy with careers these days. they don't have alot of free-time and sometimes don't have the interest to be in a relationship, when they need to focus on themselves. By allowing a man to have several gf, the woman can have her cake and eat it too (which everyone loves) spend more time on her without having to commit. Problem solved. They can spend a weekend here or there together whenever its convenient. Sampling - women want to date around too. Hell, I'm not gonna stop 'em. Its there perrogative plus they need to be a little jealous to be interested, Any other theories?
pandagirl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I had no idea this was even a preference for women! If I'm dating a guy I'm into, I don't want him dating anyone else. Who wants to be second, third, or fourth fiddle?
cyril's fan Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 It doesn't make sense. I don't want the guy I'm dating to be dating other women, scarcity or not.
Errant Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 As a man, and one who's never actually dated, my viewpoints are probably skewed. But for me, dating (As in, going on dates with) multiple women at once is a matter of finding one woman who's worth a serious, long-term commitment. When I haven't committed to anyone, when I don't have extremely strong feelings for someone, I don't see why I shouldn't go out with other women who I might develop those strong feelings for.
Lucky555 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 1. Compatibility- I know i prefer someone with some of my interests. 2. Communication-KEY, the simplest thing in the world and so many guys can not do this! 3. Life- where are they at in their life and what are they looking for. Many times i date more than one guy because I want to see if he will be or eventually on the same page as i am. So i dream of having a house and family SOME DAY. Does the guy i am seeing want those same things some day? I may consider dating and see how it works out if he does. If he says no I don't ever want kids I really like traveling and being free. Well then we are not compatible. Even though i don't want kids these days or to settle down right now , I think about what i want for the future. Its not even saying that the guy i'm dating is going to be that guy for the future stuff, i just like knowing that if there is some potential the future stuff could actually happen. Everyone has different dreams and if they have similar dreams then I think it makes for a better relationship. Its not to say they will stay together its saying at least there would be a higher probability. so what is important i think in dating is to find out peoples desires and have fun while getting to know one another. I have learned that chemistry is important but even if you have an intense amount of chemistry.......if you don't have similar desires it wont work out! People will be pursing what they want all the time so i think thats why everyone needs to date more than one person if they have not found what they are looking for. You have to go on a few dates to find out how well you get along with that person.
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 The female respondents made the OP's point without even realizing it The same rationale applies to the power of the ring. Even though they might not act on it, women are drawn to the power of the committed male whom another woman has deemed marriageable. I would disagree with the OP that women 'prefer' such arrangments; IMO, it's more accurate that they are attracted by such arrangements. For the man, it's pretty simple; he gets more attention and sex with less commitment. Simple psychology.
WineCountry Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 The female respondents made the OP's point without even realizing it I would disagree with the OP that women 'prefer' such arrangments; IMO, it's more accurate that they are attracted by such arrangements. For the man, it's pretty simple; he gets more attention and sex with less commitment. Simple psychology. I'm not attracted by that at all. The right statement i guess would be 'SOME' women might be attracted by such arrangements. However, im wondering if these women actually want to be 2nd, 3rd, fiddle, or if you are simply looking at women who think that taking a man AWAY from another woman is a challenge? In this sense, they go after a man who is already committed NOT because they want to be living like a mormon or something, but because they want to WIN the guy for themselves. I would be more inclined to believe this has a bit to do with it.
Author You'reasian Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Connecting all the dots from the other threads, a woman would be most emotionally attracted to a man, wearing a wedding ring with two attractive women (who aren't his wives) in both arms... that would make one helluva social experiment!
pandagirl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Connecting all the dots from the other threads, a woman would be most emotionally attracted to a man, wearing a wedding ring with two attractive women (who aren't his wives) in both arms... that would make one helluva social experiment! No way! I completely disagree with this. A woman has other issues if this is what she's primarily attracted to.
alphamale Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Some buddies and I were talking over beer earlier this weekend. One of the topics of conversation was about women and dating. The issue? Why is it easier to date 4-6 different girls than it is to have 1 girlfriend? Why do women prefer this arrangement? My theory: scarcity - women appreciate scarcity more than men. For instance, we've all seen women whom have alot of guys going after them, based on tradition (that its the males job to persue) and are interested in neither of them. Thus, when a guy can only see one of this many women at a time before he has to go back to whatever he does, she appreciates him more. modernization - women are crazy busy with careers these days. they don't have alot of free-time and sometimes don't have the interest to be in a relationship, when they need to focus on themselves. By allowing a man to have several gf, the woman can have her cake and eat it too (which everyone loves) spend more time on her without having to commit. Problem solved. They can spend a weekend here or there together whenever its convenient. Sampling - women want to date around too. Hell, I'm not gonna stop 'em. Its there perrogative plus they need to be a little jealous to be interested, Any other theories? thats a great theory as long as you're not having sex with any of those 4-6 different girls...in addition the "theory" doesn't apply to anyone over 30
Author You'reasian Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 thats a great theory as long as you're not having sex with any of those 4-6 different girls...in addition the "theory" doesn't apply to anyone over 30 Being 30+ doesn't make women more drawn to committed relationships.
Trialbyfire Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I've never had a problem with multi-dating. Of course this used to mean no sex but if the guys were fine with it, so was I... In hindsight, whenever I was multi-dating, it meant I wasn't that into whomever I was dating, enough to want a relationship. So...you're welcome to take that to the bank.
WineCountry Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 No way! I completely disagree with this. A woman has other issues if this is what she's primarily attracted to. I agree 100%. Just like men are hardwired to want to hump everything moving,( heheh) women want monagomy. Of course, not every man and not every woman will follow these norms, BUT generally speaking, this is the way things are. Most women I know or have come across want to be in a committed relationship, not part of a harem. Unless they live out in Utah on a compound. And I wonder just how truly happy those women are.
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I'll report on the dynamic as I move from marriageable to divorced. There's no substitute for actual experience. Any experience, by definition, is just that, experience. It is not intended to be, nor should be viewed as a sweeping generalization regarding women. I see many generalizations about men which I know do not apply to me and, upon occasionally revealing such, get responses like "you're not the norm" or "you're abnormal". Says a lot about the assertion and those speaking it, one would think. I'll be happy to return and reveal that, indeed, losing the wedding band was/is a positive experience regarding receiving attention from women "in general". Actions don't lie. Neither do I
Author You'reasian Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 In hindsight, whenever I was multi-dating, it meant I wasn't that into whomever I was dating, enough to want a relationship. So...you're welcome to take that to the bank. Not every person you date is the one you're going to spend your entire life with. Cyndi Lauper's wisdom was correct when she said "Girls just a wanna have fun" - but yes, ladies want to settle with the guy that they are most attracted to.
alphamale Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Being 30+ doesn't make women more drawn to committed relationships. sure it does. the majority of females want to get married and have kids.
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 In the age of equality and financial and social freedom, why would women have a need to get married (or even have a committed relationship) to have children and a family? There are plenty of male role models available with family and friends and genetically preferable sperm is a wink and a smile away with no requirement of commitment nor need for compatibility. Pragmatism at its best
xpaperxcutx Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 In the age of equality and financial and social freedom, why would women have a need to get married (or even have a committed relationship) to have children and a family? There are plenty of male role models available with family and friends and genetically preferable sperm is a wink and a smile away with no requirement of commitment nor need for compatibility. Pragmatism at its best Carhill, your insights are always so on point. I think the " surrealism" of dating is that most well-to- do women demand that the relationship aspects of their lives are equally as successful as their business ventures. Hence the need to multi-date. But more are willing to select at first sight the man that creates the most excitement and attraction that either creates an unstable emotive response or a instability that lets them escape from so- called " reality" aspect of their routines. Eventually, all women well " settle" in a sense that they move pass affairs and dating flings to finding something more serious in a man that shares similar interests and aspirations. I think this is generally what people call " growing up".
Trialbyfire Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Not every person you date is the one you're going to spend your entire life with. Cyndi Lauper's wisdom was correct when she said "Girls just a wanna have fun" - but yes, ladies want to settle with the guy that they are most attracted to.I've dated a lot of men in my lifetime and no, they're not all marriage material or intended to be, so yes, they were fun for a good but short time. Girls having fun doesn't have to include putting out. While some believe it does, there are enough of us who value an emotional attachment, before jumping in the sack.
Author You'reasian Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 sure it does. the majority of females want to get married and have kids. This isn't true. As Carhill mentioned, alot of single women in their late 20's and 30's might be interested in a committed relationship at some point, but many of them just want to have fun in the mean time, especially if they have children from a previous relationship or have been previously married. Its up in the air. Women date like we do. They know that every guy they date isn't going to be the one, but if things go well they might consider settling.
Isolde Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 In the age of equality and financial and social freedom, why would women have a need to get married (or even have a committed relationship) to have children and a family? There are plenty of male role models available with family and friends and genetically preferable sperm is a wink and a smile away with no requirement of commitment nor need for compatibility. Pragmatism at its best I hope that's sarcasm.
Isolde Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Girls having fun doesn't have to include putting out. While some believe it does, there are enough of us who value an emotional attachment, before jumping in the sack. True but dating is only fun if there's attraction... which sort of leads to a catch-22. I personally would stop dating someone if I didn't feel there was a possibility of mutual emotional attachment forming.
carhill Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I hope that's sarcasm. It's a potential. I'm always open to exploring potentials
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 True but dating is only fun if there's attraction... which sort of leads to a catch-22. I personally would stop dating someone if I didn't feel there was a possibility of mutual emotional attachment forming. Don't you ever feel attracted to someone to a certain degree but not enough to want to jump their bones or else feel uncertain due to actions, as in "something's not quite right"? In either scenario, it's not impossible that perception could change or be changed.
Isolde Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Don't you ever feel attracted to someone to a certain degree but not enough to want to jump their bones or else feel uncertain due to actions, as in "something's not quite right"? In either scenario, it's not impossible that perception could change or be changed. Yeah, I have. True; it can take time to decide if it has any chance.
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