zilverenvlinder Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 OK, so I've been with K for 7 months now. It took him 3 months to call me his girlfriend. 3 months of spending like, 3-4 nights a week together. So, 7 months have gone by, and he hasn't dropped the L word yet. I have. Only during drinky times. And whenever I say it, and he's drunk, he says it back. He's never initiated it. I have a couple of problems with how he acts, nothing too terrible, he's usually pretty decent. One of the issues is that when we go out, and he sees his acquaintances, he either forgets I'm there, or just doesn't care...and just does NOT introduce me. So, I pick my battles, we haven't really had any HUGE fights yet, and one night at the bar he failed to introduce me again, and I said, "Why don't you ever introduce me to anybody? Are you embarrassed of me?" I wasn't being confrontational or anything. I was just asking. He got all huffy and told me he wanted to leave, and that he was sick of the bar. He didn't even answer my question, except to say, "Yeah right, WHY would I be embarrassed of you?" I know all of his GOOD friends, but none of his "bar buddies". Also, he never talks about any future plans with me. Like, maybe a couple months in the future, but never anything about living together/getting married, etc. Do you think this is something that could turn around or does this sound totally dead-end to you guys? Thank you soooo much <3alwaysxoxoxo z
Trialbyfire Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 7 months is a difficult time, in that some people take their time previous to considering the future. I'd give it a month or two, before making any definitive decisions, unless his actions get worse. Instead of challenging him about his rudeness, just introduce yourself as "zilverlender, his g/f" next time. If he gets annoyed, flustered, grumpy or blows up about it, you have your answer that it's deliberate. One consistency I've noticed with men who aren't all in, is that they tend to keep the g/f out of the limelight, in their "hunting grounds". A man who's all in, will introduce you to whomever, unless he's naturally rude. If so, he wouldn't have introduced you to his close friends. For that matter, maybe he never really intro'ed you but just had you spend time with them. Check and balance yourself. Keep in mind that in another thread, you were concerned about the difference between the ex and yourself, in looks.
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 IMO, he's not going to change. If he has to be drinking to say ILY, and never initiates it, but yet looks in your eyes with his penis inside you, well, that's a dynamic worth examining
You'reasian Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 One consistency I've noticed with men who aren't all in, is that they tend to keep the g/f out of the limelight, in their "hunting grounds". Oh we're all in alright... All in on our hunting grounds that is. I kid.
wuggle Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 difficult without more info but sounds like he might be quite un-confident, in himself and is relationship with you. Maye he doesn't introduce you as 'his' is because he doesn't accept that you are 'his' ie on borrowed time. re the saying ILY , all blokes are just sh*t on that anyway, if they're not you should be suspect . Is he generally confident ?
missdependant Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Call me crazy, but I feel like 7 months is a little bit early to be discussing marriage.. and at 7 months I can see why discussing moving in together would make someone uneasy. He might change.. he might be taking it slow right now. I wouldn't read too much into him not introducing you to people. I've been with my guy for a pretty considerable amount of time by now, and still.. when we run into people he knew in high school or people he hasn't seen in a couple years he has a bad habit of not introducing me. It used to bother me, but a year or so later, I've gotten over it.
amymarieca Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I think you are pushing him a little too much. He probably doesn't say "I love you" back because he doesn't feel it yet. That is why I never say it first to a guy. It is okay to ask him why he doesn't introduce you to his friends, but to put it the way you did sounds a bit harsh and childish. That is probably why you got the reaction you did. If he has introduced you to his close friends, then I don't see that as a bad thing. I wouldn't bring up the topic of marriage or living together yet. That sort of thing takes at least a year or more to figure out. It also depends on your age too. If you are younger, he probably doesn't have any intentions of bringing it up soon.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 7 months without ILYs? I think this relationship is going to the dogs. If a guy refuses to talk about future plans with you, its a given fact that he doesn't see you in his future.
brp002 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 7 months is def early to talk about marriage. I am still afraid for those words to come out of my mouth and we have been together for about 2 years now.
Trialbyfire Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Oh we're all in alright... All in on our hunting grounds that is. I kid.Trust me that no one gets all in with me, unless he's all in emotionally...
Author zilverenvlinder Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Yeah, it's not like I want a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL or anything, but maybe it's just that it seems everyone I know's relationship has just moved a lil bit faster than mine... Hmm...
You'reasian Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Trust me that no one gets all in with me, unless he's all in emotionally... Position before submission...jk. Sounds good!
Star Gazer Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Marriage and ILY issues aside, you know all of his GOOD friends... just not his bar buddies. Perhaps he just doesn't remember their names? Or, perhaps he also takes other girls to the bar. Two ends of the spectrum there.
butcher's hook Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Doesn't introduce you as his girfriend. Doesn't make future plans with you. It's been 7months and he cannot bring himself to tell you he loves you on his own unless he is drunk and saying it back. Hate to say it but he is not emotionally attached to you and you are reading more into this relationship than he is. He doesn't need more time 7 months is more than enough time to know if you love someone. He is just going to continue in his complacent ways no matter how much more time you give him. And there really isn't a talk you could have with someone who does not express their love for you. The only thing you could do is get out and explain why you need to get out. In my opinion I agree with those who said he is not going to change, not if you stay with him.
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