MissHollywood Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Men on LS, why do you open doors, give way or smile at stranger women? Do you enjoy doing that? What do you feel while doing all that? Is it like doing a good deed, such as helping an elderly cross the road? I've seen stranger men do the gentlemanly acts. But it's not like they want a date out of it or pick up a ONS. So I wonder if they "get something out of it" by acting gentlemanly?
Trialbyfire Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I'm not an LS man but I will enable it big time. Love it!!
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 For me, it's a healthy reminder that everything in life isn't about me
Scarlett513 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I wouldn't call those "gentlemanly acts," as they are not just reserved for men. Lots of people - men and women - are aware of whats going on around them and try to give others a hand. What you get out of it is just the fact that you helped someone and that you made that person's day a little bit easier. I always think, if I was the lady who just dropped all her groceries on the ground, I would be really happy if someone stopped to help me, you know?
Stockalone Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Is it like doing a good deed, such as helping an elderly cross the road? ... So I wonder if they "get something out of it" by acting gentlemanly? This is common courtesy, like doing a good deed as you put it. Most of the time, I don't even notice who is behind me, I simply hold the door open regardless if it is a man or a woman. And reversely, people of both genders and basically all ages have held doors open for me.
Author MissHollywood Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 I wouldn't call those "gentlemanly acts," as they are not just reserved for men. Lots of people - men and women - are aware of whats going on around them and try to give others a hand. What you get out of it is just the fact that you helped someone and that you made that person's day a little bit easier. I always think, if I was the lady who just dropped all her groceries on the ground, I would be really happy if someone stopped to help me, you know? Good point, scarlett and carhill. Though I was talking more about a man being the gentleman for a stranger woman. I won't deny that being kind in general is one factor for someone, man or woman, performing those acts, but if it's a man acting gentlemanly for a stranger woman, what is it that they're feeling? Or is it still the same kind of feeling?
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I can safely say, in thousands of interactions with women in my 50 years on the planet, that it is an exceedingly rare (I struggle to think of one precise instance) that a woman would perform such random acts for a man. Women I know and am friends with, sure. But not random women in random situations. IME, it just doesn't happen. Guess I need to get out more what is it that they're feeling? For me, it is a feeling of respect for and deference to women that was taught to me by my male role model, my father, by how he treated my mother and women in general. Old fashioned and out of style, but we each have our path
Author MissHollywood Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 I can safely say, in thousands of interactions with women in my 50 years on the planet, that it is an exceedingly rare (I struggle to think of one precise instance) that a woman would perform such random acts for a man. Women I know and am friends with, sure. But not random women in random situations. IME, it just doesn't happen. Guess I need to get out more LOL. So men do it more, I admit. But why? Why do MEN act gentlemanly for stranger WOMEN? I don't mean to split hairs. I know most people are kind and perform good deeds on a daily basis without even thinking. However there are times that it appears that a man only does certain gentlemanly acts for stranger women they think look nice. In cases like this, how do the men feel? Do they enjoy doing what they do? Or is it another case of "I've reached my charity quota for the day?"
jerbear Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I get to scope them out, smell their perfume, and see their eyes when they walk by. Sometimes it is because they are encumbered with a kid or stuff.
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 However there are times that it appears that a man only does certain gentlemanly acts for stranger women they think look nice. I have no clue about this part, but outlined my motivations and background prior. Looks play no role in my perception. Again, this is modeling I received from my father. He did not delineate the value of women based on their appearance. Other men have their own history, socialization, motivation and path. Gather datapoints and postulate
You'reasian Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Men on LS, why do you open doors, give way or smile at stranger women? Do you enjoy doing that? What do you feel while doing all that? Is it like doing a good deed, such as helping an elderly cross the road? I've seen stranger men do the gentlemanly acts. But it's not like they want a date out of it or pick up a ONS. So I wonder if they "get something out of it" by acting gentlemanly? Depends on the guy and circumstances: Cultural background - men whom do gentlemanly acts do so because they were raised to be gentlemen by their fathers, grandfathers and rewarded by their mothers. Do Good - men do gentlemanly acts because they get pleasure out of helping others, whether there's a payoff or not. Incentive - Some men might do gentlemanly acts because they believe they expect something in return. If the guy does something in a quick situation where he has no intentions of seeing the woman again, chances are its the first two reasons.
Author MissHollywood Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Depends on the guy and circumstances: Cultural background - men whom do gentlemanly acts do so because they were raised to be gentlemen by their fathers, grandfathers and rewarded by their mothers. Do Good - men do gentlemanly acts because they get pleasure out of helping others, whether there's a payoff or not. Incentive - Some men might do gentlemanly acts because they believe they expect something in return. If the guy does something in a quick situation where he has no intentions of seeing the woman again, chances are its the first two reasons. I see. I've seen men act more gentlemanly with good-looking stranger women than not-so-good-looking stranger women. Does that apply here?
You'reasian Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I see. I've seen men act more gentlemanly with good-looking stranger women than not-so-good-looking stranger women. Does that apply here? It does. Men are visual creatures. We could be slightly more motivated to help a more attractive woman just becaues of the pleasure gained looking at her, even if the payoff is nothing. Personally, I'll hold the door for whomever - even other guys - because its just a gentlemanly thing to do. Same with lifting heavy objects etc.
pandagirl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Things that make me swoon: A man who help an elderly woman across the street, a man who gets up to offer his seat to a pregnant woman on the train, a man who is polite, courteous and thoughtful. SEXXY! Of course, all these act should be done out of the goodness of his heart and now for "show" -- that would ruin the whole thing for me. To do something like this for incentive is gross.
Sam Spade Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Men on LS, why do you open doors, give way or smile at stranger women? Do you enjoy doing that? What do you feel while doing all that? Is it like doing a good deed, such as helping an elderly cross the road? I've seen stranger men do the gentlemanly acts. But it's not like they want a date out of it or pick up a ONS. So I wonder if they "get something out of it" by acting gentlemanly? The true gentlemanly acts are gentlemanly precisely because nothing is expected in return. Moreover, they are not only directed towards women, bot towards anybody, from any walk of life. Being a gentleman simply means to make self and others comfortable in every situation, and perhaps deriving a little pleasure from making it better for everybody, just for the sake of it, if that's possible.
Sam Spade Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I see. I've seen men act more gentlemanly with good-looking stranger women than not-so-good-looking stranger women. Does that apply here? That's understandable, but certainly not gentlemanly.
EddieN Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I do these things for both guys and girls, but I'm definitely more inclined to do it for a girl. Like, I probably won't hold a door open for a guy to go through before me, but I usually will if there's a girl directly in front of me or behind me. If she's a way's back I'll go through first but keep the door open for her, however, I do the same thing for guys. I was just taught these things. The only semi-selfish incentive I might have is that they also help establish recognition with a girl I might like to talk to. Like, the other day I held the door open for a girl that I've seen around. She looked me in the eye and smiled, and I smiled back at her. I'm glad to show this courtesy to any girl, but this also lets her know that I'm not rude and at least friendly enough to show her come courtesy. Next time I see her, she might be more at ease around me. Whether I actually end up liking her and asking her out or we just have friendly talks, at least we both got a positive interaction out of the whole thing. That's a win-win incentive, though. It's not like I'm thinking, "If I open the door, she'll smile at me, which means I can totally get her panties off! :rolleyes:" But it can't be that selfish, since I will do this with just about any girl, regardless of their attractiveness. Also, it could be used as a way to filter out women who are anal feminists, is in the ones who get mad at you for opening a door.
clv0116 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I see. I've seen men act more gentlemanly with good-looking stranger women than not-so-good-looking stranger women. Does that apply here? No, actually I tend to do this sort of thing for old ladies. Last major "nice act" was changing a flat minivan tire for a fat lady who had 3 little kids with her.
Land Shark Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 For some guys it's because they are grown up good boys and mindlessly want to please people because that will gain them acceptance. If you're nice to people, you obligate them to be nice back, and everyone is fooled into being happy with the hollow truce.
Thornton Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I don't think it's just men who do nice things for other people... I'm female and my mother taught me that I should always give up my seat for elderly/pregnant/disabled people, should always help a blind/elderly person across the street if they need assistance, should always hold the door for the person behind me and always open doors for people who are struggling or have their hands full. In general I was taught to go out of my way to help anyone who looks like they need my help. It's just good manners, it makes life easier for people. If anyone, male or female, doesn't do such things for others then they weren't raised very well! OP, I assume you're referring to men who open doors for able bodied women who don't need any help and who are capable of opening the door for themselves, or who walk upstairs behind a lady in case she trips. In that case, I think it's still just good manners with no ulterior motive. The man in question may be attracted to the lady, but that's beside the point, it's polite for him to do such things even for a lady that he isn't attracted to.
CalHorn Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Come on, why question a good thing? If I pick up a bag of groceries for a 70 year old woman in the supermarket, do you think it's really because I'm checking her out? Have a lot of us forgotten that a number of us men were raised to be gentlemen in polite society? The fact that I keep open the door for men or women entering my office building has nothing to do with sexual interest. It's merely being polite instead of letting the door slam on them so they have to pull out a keycard. Think of it as a comforting thought that I'm being a nice human being and that in itself can give certain men (and women) satisfaction.
Land Shark Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 a number of us men were programmed to be gentlemen in polite society... I couldn't agree more. Think of it as a comforting thought that I'm being a nice human being and that in itself can give certain men satisfaction. It is comforting to those around you, as long as there are no malfunctions. Any kind of automaton is going to reveal a glitch sooner or later.
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Yeah, self-actualization is a interesting concept Topically, a lady compliments a gentleman perfectly. She accepts his valuation and deference in a sincere way (not with the rolling of eyes, I can do myself way) and shows her appreciation. This is the lubricant of the social graces, of which I find a dearth nowadays.
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