Need to make a decision between continuing a nonxclusive relationship or getting out.

[nicegirl]

Need your counsel. I've been seeing this man for 6 months. We have a lot of fun together and have talked about a future. The catch is that the relationship started out as non-exclusive. I have talked to him about changing the status, but he insists this isn't the right time. He's seeing another girl and for reasons he won't disclose to me, he says he can not break things off with her right now, but is definitely planning on it. He just needs to do it on his own time. Basically, I'm being told I can "take it or leave it." Unfortunately, I've fallen hard for him and I'm bitterly jealous of this other girl. Part of me thinks I should leave the situation behind and worries that there's a very real possibility that he's telling this other girl the same things he's telling me. The other part of me adores him and wants to make this work. I feel like there should be a really simple answer to this, but it certainly doesn't feel that way being in the midst of it. It's not as if he's ever lied to me. We started out this relationship based on a certain premise and I knew what that was. However, I wonder if I should believe his promises that things will change or get out and not run the risk of having my heart broken. What would you do?

[moimeme]

If, after six months, he can't decide, he's a bad deal. I fear you will only come to grief if you keep on hanging on.

[Purrrfection8]

Hi Nice Girl,

 

I'm in a similar situation sort of in that my guy won't commit wholeheartedly yet (as in say we've got a definite future). The only reason I wait is because I believe his reasons are valid, he's open to me and that he has promised to be 'exclusive' during this period of uncertainty/indecision.

 

I would suggest and u may not like this, that u let this guy go - why? Because he's got his cake and he's eating it too. Unless u make a rash and drastic movement away from him, he's possibly happy to have things remain as they r.

 

Set urself free to find someone ready, available and suitable and u may find that this boy may come rushing wanting ur exclusivity.

 

I might have to follow my own advice!

 

Good luck!

 

Love and light,

Purrrfection8

[Frodo]

Nice Girl,

I would suggest you get out. If he doesn't want to focus on you, then he's not really serious the way you want to be. You can find another guy easily.

[Nicegirl]

Thanks so much! Things have gotten progressively worse and I have made the decision to rid myself of the situation. Purrrfection8 was right on. He's having his cake and eating it, too and I was finally able to come to grips with the fact that it just wasn't going to happen. I wish I had come to that conclusion sooner. But at least I've finally got sick of feeling jealous and sort of like a doll who he can play with when he wants and then put back on the shelf. Ugh. After this relationship, I think I need to think long and hard about what I want and what I'm NOT willing to deal with before I enter into anymore. Thanks again!