I'm only drawn to relationships with problems...

[Nikki Sahagin]

If you ever want a happy relationship you need to get over this. Aren't there ways to create excitment without putting yourself through an emotional ringer? You ahve admitted that you have man issues so maybe it would be a good idea to deal with that before even thinking about getting involved again.

 

Hey woggle, thanks for replying. Yeah - my men issues. Hmmmmmm thats a tough one. I think its because I am actually a big power person. I need power and control, and those 2 things are stereotypically male. The man should be in control and the powerful one. A lot of being an attractive woman is being submissive and giving over a certain degree of your power and control. I've been in situations where men have exploited me in ways that have played on my mind quite strongly...(not rape/assault/anything that explicit) but ways which have made me feel I lost my 'power' or my 'authority' or I was undermined. I felt I wasn't valued for intelligence, talents, personality, my heart - just my physical value. And I became angry and defensive.

 

As such, I can only relate to men almost as a cat and mouse power game. I must be the one with the control and power. I don't like a man to have it, as I think a man with any authority over a woman will only ever abuse it...and her, whereas if I have the power and control, I retain me, my sense of self, and I have the man on my terms. I almost can't 'let myself' like a man beyond friendship because then it becomes a power/control game...and so I need that dramatic push to make me go there.

 

May sound a bit crazy...but actually to me it all seems very simple. I can be friends with males easily, but in terms of relationship, I immediately feel my power, my control, my very self, is threatened by the male and I need to vigorously enforce myself as the dominant one to feel happy. I love to be loved, protected and cared for by a man, but only so long as I know I am the one in charge behind the scenes.

[Woggle]

Don't take this as an insult but this probably has something to do with why your relationship fell apart. You will never find a happy relationship until you confront this and deal with it. The only kind of men that stick around for this are spineless wimps who will never respect and be attracted to because most normal men will run for their lives.

[mental_traveller]

Hey woggle, thanks for replying. Yeah - my men issues. Hmmmmmm thats a tough one. I think its because I am actually a big power person. I need power and control, and those 2 things are stereotypically male. The man should be in control and the powerful one. A lot of being an attractive woman is being submissive and giving over a certain degree of your power and control. I've been in situations where men have exploited me in ways that have played on my mind quite strongly...(not rape/assault/anything that explicit) but ways which have made me feel I lost my 'power' or my 'authority' or I was undermined. I felt I wasn't valued for intelligence, talents, personality, my heart - just my physical value. And I became angry and defensive.

 

As such, I can only relate to men almost as a cat and mouse power game. I must be the one with the control and power. I don't like a man to have it, as I think a man with any authority over a woman will only ever abuse it...and her, whereas if I have the power and control, I retain me, my sense of self, and I have the man on my terms. I almost can't 'let myself' like a man beyond friendship because then it becomes a power/control game...and so I need that dramatic push to make me go there.

 

May sound a bit crazy...but actually to me it all seems very simple. I can be friends with males easily, but in terms of relationship, I immediately feel my power, my control, my very self, is threatened by the male and I need to vigorously enforce myself as the dominant one to feel happy. I love to be loved, protected and cared for by a man, but only so long as I know I am the one in charge behind the scenes.

 

Is the problem that if you can get control, then you lose respect for the guy (because he's being un-masculine/wimpy by letting a woman have the power)? And that you can't control the guys who you do have respect for (because they don't let you)?

[Nikki Sahagin]

Is the problem that if you can get control, then you lose respect for the guy (because he's being un-masculine/wimpy by letting a woman have the power)? And that you can't control the guys who you do have respect for (because they don't let you)?

 

Thats it to a T I think! I never saw it that way before!