Author tuscansun Posted July 6, 2009 Author Posted July 6, 2009 Yeah I'm pretty done with this...Let's see...9 33 my time, 12:33am his time and still no word... As far as emotional attachment, what irritates me is I did a good job of maintaining at least some sense of distance. HE pushed for this intense sense of closeness. The pet names and the talk of a future and all that...I was very hesitant. He talks about him seeing himself becoming really attached to me and all that but I SEE no sign of a deep attachment. I see a deep possessiveness and a deep sense of entitlement but other than that....which, personally, I don't mind all that stuff as long as it's returned...and clearly it's not so...It's funny I was at church tonight and the Pastor's son just proposed to his girlfriend, they're young, like 20, I know kind of crazy, BUT, I have to say, he's been with this girl for a couple years and God bless him for working hard to get a rock on her finger and know what he wants and doing it. you can tell our pastor is kinda like, praying to God theyre doing the right thing because theyre so young but I sat there thinking, This is what I should be patiently waiting for. A moment like that. Not someone who makes me guess, or tries to make me want because theyre not willing to give, but someone who is working as hard as I am to make something work. So maybe I do need to set this aside to make way for something more real and better. It does hurt me that he's just letting it go like this but I guess It's better for me to know now then like someone else said, when I'm much more invested. I haven't met him yet so maybe I should keep it that way and look forward again. Sucks. Can't pretend I'm not sad.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I am VERY into seeing where things lead with this guy and so happy to find that my heart still works. However, my ex and I had planned to have lunch in a couple weeks, not sure why. If you are into this other guy, then your X needs to stay where he belongs...in your past and at a distance. Nothing saying you can't be civil to him if you ever ran across him. But no need for you to act like you are the best of friends. Maybe a truce or something? I don't know. He can make a truce with you over the phone or in an email. He doesn't need to see you in person to do that. I didn't want to be sneaky so i ran it by new guy...apparently a dumb thing to do because he completely flipped out. I explained that I could go either way that I didn't NEED to see my ex and if it bothered him I just wouldn't go. I thought I was doing the right thing you did do the right thing. you didn't want any secrets kept from new guy. you want to make sure this relationship starts off on the right foot. I mean as much as I dig the new guy, we're not 'TOgether', if that were really true, I can't see him flipping out like that. obviously, for some reason, your new guy thinks you two are "together" He made it clear that, he didn't want me to go so I agreed I wouldn't. again, doesn't sound like a request by someone, and a response by you, if you two truly aren't "together". I think you 2 are more "together" than you think or want to admit, maybe? WELL consequently he was going to dinner and said hed call me after, he didn't. We talked at, let's see, about 8 his time, now it's 5 am his time and still not a word. At first I felt bad and was really sorry but now I'm just pissed off. I texted him about 10 his time expressing again that I was sorry------nothing. I called at about 11-----nothing. He's only done this once before and it didn't last all night. So now I'm upset and feeling very rash. I have an inclination to blow him off for a week and see how he likes it. I know thats not super mature, but I feel like he's trying to punish me... What do I do? maybe you 2 aren't the ones for each other. because: 1) you were entertaining the idea of getting together with your X, in which no reason is a good reason. AND 2) the new guy seems a bit controlling and unreasonable IF IN FACT you 2 are not "together". If you 2 are "together" and there is some understanding that you are a couple...THEN I could see him getting upset.
dunstable Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Dexter Morgan: Sounds like you read only the early posts and skipped the most recent. She decided not to see her ex, she's invested far more in this internet relationship than he has, he drops out of communication for days on end for reasons that he's not fully explained, he's currently not answering phone calls and emails, and it's probable the romance is off.
Dexter Morgan Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Dexter Morgan: Sounds like you read only the early posts and skipped the most recent. didn't skip the most recent, just hadn't got there yet. See my last post She decided not to see her ex, she's invested far more in this internet relationship than he has, he drops out of communication for days on end for reasons that he's not fully explained, he's currently not answering phone calls and emails, and it's probable the romance is off. well, it should have been an indicator to him that she was willing to respect his concerns and she told him that she wouldn't see her X in person. that should have been enough, but it seems as if he was put off that she simply even entertained the idea of meeting her X. could be that maybe he didn't think he'd ever find out if she really did or not. but she did the right thing, and the interenet guy still seemed to get his panties in a bunch. I can see him being upset by it, but when she told him she wouldn't see him, it should have been the end of it right there. She did the right thing and was honest with him. She could have not told him and he'd have never found out.
dunstable Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think some people get far too worked up over the idea of their partner seeing an ex. My gf's best friend is an ex of hers. It causes me no anxiety or jealousy at all because I trust her and I feel secure in the strength of our relationship.
NotNow Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 As far as emotional attachment, what irritates me is I did a good job of maintaining at least some sense of distance. HE pushed for this intense sense of closeness. The pet names and the talk of a future and all that...I was very hesitant. He talks about him seeing himself becoming really attached to me and all that but I SEE no sign of a deep attachment. I see a deep possessiveness and a deep sense of entitlement but other than that....which, personally, I don't mind all that stuff as long as it's returned...and clearly it's not so...It's funny I was at church tonight and the Pastor's son just proposed to his girlfriend, they're young, like 20, I know kind of crazy, BUT, I have to say, he's been with this girl for a couple years and God bless him for working hard to get a rock on her finger and know what he wants and doing it. you can tell our pastor is kinda like, praying to God theyre doing the right thing because theyre so young but I sat there thinking, This is what I should be patiently waiting for. A moment like that. Not someone who makes me guess, or tries to make me want because theyre not willing to give, but someone who is working as hard as I am to make something work. So maybe I do need to set this aside to make way for something more real and better. It does hurt me that he's just letting it go like this but I guess It's better for me to know now then like someone else said, when I'm much more invested. I haven't met him yet so maybe I should keep it that way and look forward again. Sucks. Can't pretend I'm not sad. I don't know if hearing about my situation helps you at all, I know we're different people in different situations. However, (on the chance this makes you feel better, or you get something out of this) the guy I'm seeing has done all those things too - saying "I love you," talking about the future (marriage and kids!!), plus his actions were there, unlike your guy's...and my guy STILL was like, who are you to feel insecure about me hanging out with my ex-gf? It just comes back to what I said earlier - I think they do that as a way of maintaining the relationship (because honestly if they didn't do that, you'd stop talking eventually), as a way of flirting with you, and because it's "safe" to say those things to someone who's so far away and can't have an legitimate expectation for that to happen in the near future, or until and unless you move close to each other by some twist of fate. And then it's still a "let's date for awhile longer and see how we feel about each other before I say I'm your bf."
Dexter Morgan Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think some people get far too worked up over the idea of their partner seeing an ex. My gf's best friend is an ex of hers. It causes me no anxiety or jealousy at all because I trust her and I feel secure in the strength of our relationship. and thats when your good nature and trust can be taken advantage of. Most people on here trust their SO and don't have a jealous bone in their body. I didn't and trusted my wife. boy was I wrong. Not saying your gf is gonna go out on you, just don't think you are immune simply because you are secure in the strength of the relationship.....most people that have been betrayed were secure in their relationship. having said that, it doesn't bother me that a SO of mine has male friends. but if it is the kind of male friend they spend a considerable amount of time with alone...then it starts to push my comfort level. I sure don't know many women that would put up with, for example, me going over to another woman's pad...watching a movie and having some drinks with her alone..much less an X that I had a history of being intimate with. X's are X's for a reason....with respect to any current SO's, it should really stay that way IF one cares about the person they are currently seeing.
NotNow Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I think some people get far too worked up over the idea of their partner seeing an ex. My gf's best friend is an ex of hers. It causes me no anxiety or jealousy at all because I trust her and I feel secure in the strength of our relationship. There really are so many more factors and history involved than simply two exes being friends and that's the end of it. That's why people get worked up over it.
Author tuscansun Posted July 9, 2009 Author Posted July 9, 2009 Thank you all for the wonderful advice. I cancelled trip and IMed him letting him know that, and I am almost over it...Still bummed and disappointed but what makes it easiest is I STILL haven't heard anything from him. He's being a tool, a controlling stubborn tool. He Still can't even just admit he was lame...He'd rather just ignore me...I feel like I'm dealing with one of the preschoolers I teach when they just refuse to talk...So, yeah....done..
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