loveslife Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 That is actually a bit of a rhetorical question. The ex I've talked about at times on this board - the one who we were falling in love and circumstances made it so we broke up and we were both very sad about it. That was almost eight years ago. One of the things he has always battled with is us being from "different sides of the track." He's blue collar and I'm from a family where everyone has post-graduate degrees and white collar jobs. And me? I never trusted in love, even though I felt totally loved by him and fell for him in return. We have been in touch on and off through the years but this time it feels very different. It seems like he has changed, like he's broken out of his old insecurities and patterns. And so have I. And in spite of the fact that this ex and I thought we had so little in common, he's been the only one who has satisfied me physically, emotionally and intellectually. I moved away from his area at the beginning of this year but will be back for a visit in the coming week. He seems very anxious to see me in spite of the fact that he has some jobs to finish up before he leaves town for several weeks. He's definitely juggling to make sure he has time to see me. That feels good. Hahaha all the talk from the more recent guy about how busy he was all the time - how important his job was to him and he had very little time for me - blah, blah, blah... it's really true that when a guy wants to spend time with you, they MAKE time. What's really interesting is I'm not really wondering a lot about needing a specific outcome in order to be happy. Hahaha and the lack of that type of anxiety almost gives me a feeling like somethings missing. Then again I can't help but wonder if I finally get my happy ending. I'd be curious about your thoughts but more than anything I wanted to put it into writing.
Thornton Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I came from an unemployed family who lived in government housing and claimed welfare. When I was a teenager I dated a guy whose family were millionaires, they had a huge house and several cars, and had sent him to private school, etc. We were crazy in love... but his parents insisted he wasn't allowed to date me because I wasn't good enough. Fast forward eleven years... I had become the first person in my family to ever go to university, and I had travelled the world and completed a PhD. Mr Millionaire hadn't gone to university at all, he had an illegitimate child and his family had lost a huge amount of money and had ploughed the remainder of their fortune into a family-owned restaurant. We got back together and his parents were fawning all over me... exactly the same girl they previously rejected... because I had lost weight and smoothed out my accent, I had no children and I had "Doctor" in front of my name. Hypocritical hardly begins to describe their behaviour. It just proves that which "side of the tracks" you come from has nothing to do with who you turn out to be as an individual. The relationship could have worked out if I had wanted it to... he was fully prepared to marry me and his family were greatly in favour of the two of us getting back together. Fortunately I realised fairly quickly that from an adult perspective I found him snobbish and cocky and rather lazy, and far from me not being good enough for him, he actually wasn't good enough for me. I dumped him and I'm now dating a decent hardworking guy who doesn't have any illusions of grandeur. My point is that you are no better than your ex just because your family have degrees and white-collar jobs, and your family history is no guarantee of who you will turn out to be as an individual. He shouldn't feel inferior, and you shouldn't feel superior either, especially given that nowadays a plumber can earn more than a university professor.
Author loveslife Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Thornton, Thanks for the reply. Needless to say, I don't feel any superiority to him. In fact, I respect him a great deal. Talking about guys who come from wealthy families - it's been my experience that this particular ex has a work ethic much closer to my own than any of the guys I grew up with or the ones with the same background I meet now. Many people with "privileged" backgrounds are lazy and have a sense of entitlement. I wasn't raised that way. Like I said, I think the ex has gotten past those feelings that held us back before. Recently though, like you, I reconnected with someone I always felt wasn't good enough for me for superficial reasons. Turns out, like you, I discovered he has never been good enough for me. He's a snob with a superiority complex and thinks more money makes you a better person. I also think he's always looked for a Barbie doll for the woman to share his life with. He ended up divorced from a Barbie doll. I'm glad you were able to walk away from that guy. You deserve better.
Thornton Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I have better My boyfriend is lovely. I also got the feeling that my ex sort of looked at me as a Barbie doll, because I'm not bad looking for my age and he's gone downhill a bit since we first dated, so I guess he thought I was a catch. When he said "Ooh, who would have thought it - me dating a Doctor", that was when I realised he was completely superficial and saw me as a trophy, and his later actions bore that out. It's good if your ex has gotten past some of his previous feelings - I think as you grow up and mature you realise that all people are pretty much the same, and if he's improved his own self esteem I'm glad for him. If you really like each other as individuals then I don't see any reason why your relationship couldn't work
Author loveslife Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Hi Thornton, Well, that's the thing, we really do genuinely like one another. And even though on the surface it seems like we don't have a lot in common, we're very much the same in some good ways as it turns out. I live in NYC where you can't throw a metro card without hitting a Barbie doll type woman. If that's what the "privileged" men want, then they can certainly find them. Dime a dozen. I'm really glad you have a lovely guy now! And I'm also glad you got to revisit the situation with the other one so you could put those old ghosts to rest.
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