Scarlett513 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Out of curiosity - I have a coworker who ALWAYS sleeps with her dates on the first date. She swears that you will not get a second date if you don't put out on the first. My theory is much different - I really try to avoid sex on the first date with someone I'm really into. Sometimes I do have trouble getting second dates. Tonight I went on a date with a nice guy, who I am really kinda excited about (keeping my fingers crossed). I have already heard from him, but obviously, I didn't sleep with him. No second date planned yet. I guess I'm just wondering if guys really wouldn't ask a girl on a second date if she doesn't sleep with him on the first...?
sb129 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I think your co-worker is lucky rather than right. Generally speaking, and from my own experience, putting out of the first date means you are LESS likely to hear from them again. If you do put out, and don't hear from them again, you feel like Sh*t. If you DON'T, and you don't hear from them again- no big deal right? I think most guys would agree, a little bit of a challenge is much more attractive in the long term, after all, if you sleep with them first time round, they could rightfully assume that they aren't special and you sleep with everyone on the first date.
loveslife Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I've had plenty of second (and third and fourth...) dates without having sex with the guy. I usually wait at least two months to have sex with a guy. Not that he's totally unsatisfied during that time...but definitely have never done more than kiss on the first date.
Whit.knee Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 This is probably an answer you don't want but, if the guy is that self-centered that he can't take your morals into account, then he's not worth a second date. It's not always about the sex, though! Sometimes the chem. just doesn't work out. If it's vice versa or not. :] -Whit.
Author Scarlett513 Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Thanks for your responses. Just a clarification, sometimes I do get second dates and sometimes I don't - just like most of us. Whit - thank you for your input. That's definetley not an answer I didn't want, as you said - it's an answer I already knew though! LoL. That was my argument exactly -even if that's the reason a guy never called me, that's just fine because I wouldn't want to date him anyway.
sb129 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Don't let your co-workers views on things sway yours. Each to their own and all that, and if you are happy with how its working out for you, don't change it just because your co worker says you should.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 That is ridiculous. I have never had sex on a first date, or a second, or a third, and every guy that I have said yes to a first date with (not many -- I am very selective upfront) wanted more dates.
Island Girl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 She swears that you will not get a second date if you don't put out on the first. She is wrong. Absolutely dead wrong. I have always gotten second dates (and third, fourth, etc.) and with no sex. She gets second dates because they want the easy loving but I'd go one step further and ask how many long term relationships she has had. I doubt she has had many if at all.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 She gets second dates because they want the easy loving but I'd go one step further and ask how many long term relationships she has had. I doubt she has had many if at all. BINGO! Right on the money, here. That is exactly what I was thinking. Not to mention that's kind of um...gross. Isn't that what prostitutes do? Exchange sex for something they want (in her case, a second date)? I guess it matters what kind of interaction you're looking for with the guy. If you want him for FWB, then sure - bed him on the first date.
Island Girl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I guess it matters what kind of interaction you're looking for with the guy. If you want him for FWB, then sure - bed him on the first date. Yeah. Exactly. And I think a lot more of myself than that. And any guy who gets the gold better think a lot more of me than a glorified live blow up doll. So I take the time to make sure of that -- and that I know who I am sleeping with as well. Generally the first few dates you are getting a facade - a "best" version and then reality starts coming through.
green apples Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I do not agree with your coworker. There may be something more about her that keeps the dates coming rather than putting out or not on the first dates. However, I have a male friend, who told me he would not be put off by a woman that sleeps with him on the first date, as most of us may think. He said it is irrelevant. He said what is more important is whether he likes her or not.
Chicago_Guy Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Out of curiosity - I have a coworker who ALWAYS sleeps with her dates on the first date. She swears that you will not get a second date if you don't put out on the first. My theory is much different - I really try to avoid sex on the first date with someone I'm really into. Sometimes I do have trouble getting second dates. Tonight I went on a date with a nice guy, who I am really kinda excited about (keeping my fingers crossed). I have already heard from him, but obviously, I didn't sleep with him. No second date planned yet. I guess I'm just wondering if guys really wouldn't ask a girl on a second date if she doesn't sleep with him on the first...? Your co-worker sounds like a total slut. Guys probably do ask her out on second dates but then dump her when they find a better woman. The female friend of my friend's fiancee is 36 or 37 and has the same mentality, yet cannot seem to figure out why nobody wants to marry her.
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