Cora Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I am just very pissed off right now and don't know what to think. I was suppose to meet the new guy tonight. This was going to be the first time we have been able to see each other for awhile. He has been working like crazy and then I went on vacation so our schedules have just been conflicting. I was suppose to meet him at his place and then we were going to go together to the mall and then later to a movie. The plans weren't definite yet because he had to work today. I sent him a text earlier in the day to confirm our plans and he text me a little later saying he had just gotten off of work and was going home to take a short nap and would get back to me later one way or another but it sounded as if he definitely still wanted to see me. He was just suppose to let me know later what time to meet him. Well I went on and did my own thing. I did some shopping which was around his area because I knew he would be contacting me soon and I did not want him to have to wait on me to get ready and get to his place.(I live like 30 minutes away). It got later and I heard nothing from him. So I send him a text asking if we were still on for tonight? I mentioned I was already in his area so just let me know. I heard nothing back from him even after following with two more texts.....yeah I know stupid of me to do. But damn I was already dressed and ready to see him and he said he would be contacting me to let me know what time to come over. At this point I was mad and just out of curiosity I drove by his apartment complex just to see if he was there. I figured he was just maybe still sleeping. Now I know how this sounds....like I'm a stalker right? But I had this gut feeling and I just wanted to see if he was lying to me. I get there and I don't see his car there anywhere unless I overlooked it which I don't think I did. So I leave and go home. That was in my last text to him also was for him to have a good night and that I was going home. I get almost home 30 minutes later and I get a text from him saying "Wow just woke up. Man it's late." I text him back saying that's too bad we could of had fun tonight....have a good night. I did not mention anything about how I came by and did not see his car. I just played along with him like I thought he really overslept. He followed with a few more texts about how he was sorry and that we should go to a movie tomorrow because he only may have to work half a day tomorrow blah blah blah. Right now I'm just pissed because I don't know why he feels he has to lie to me if that's what he is doing? If he had better plans that came up tonight then fine at least have the decency to let me know. If he was seeing some other girl fine. We are not exclusive and I don't care if he sees other girls.....hell I'm talking to other guys. I just don't understand why he started contacting me a lot more this past week and saying how he couldn't wait to see me etc.. The point is I think he lied to me and I don't know why he felt he had to do so? I mean it's not like he has never told me before that he was going out with the guys instead or here or there whatever. So why couldn't he tell me the truth this time? I have backed off from him quite a bit these past couple of weeks and have been allowing him to do all of the initiating etc.. He was the one who made these plans not me so what the hell happened? Sorry guys...I know this is just one long rant and maybe I am blowing this way out of proportion. Ughh I'm just starting to have flashbacks of my ex now. Are they all the same?
Miss Ting Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Don't get yourself worked up just yet. As it stands, you really can't say for sure that he's lying. It's still a possibility that you did overlook his car...or maybe someone borrowed his car at the time you stopped by....the point is, there could be a number of valid reasons for you not seeing his car (notice how I didn't say for his car not being there). Don't mention it to him though, you don't want to come across as a crazy, stalker type. Take a deep breath and let this one go. Arrange to go out tommorrow (or whenever you can), and give it a chance. You have to consider the fact that you could be falsely labeling him a liar without good justification, and that could potentially taint your feelings toward him. You don't want to do this without knowing anything for certain, so it's just one of those situations in which you'll have to let it go. It happens. Good luck.
Miss Ting Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 And if he's really a liar, it will come out eventually so don't worry about it.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Cora it's really time to let this one go. How many times have he stood you up and how many threads have you written about his behaviour? I know about how you feel about him, thinking that things would lead to something more, but his actions or in-actions thereof has proven to you again and again that he's flaky. No more contact. This time it's NC not to get a reaction out of him, but to go NC, so you can move on from him to dating someone better. I've learned to let go of Artist guy, you can let go of this flake too.
Author Cora Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I'm a little more cooled down now....just disappointed is all. I am now wondering why he did not respond to my texts if he was really out or whatever? He has always responded quickly to my texts before wherever he was....even at work. Which makes me think....could he really have been sleeping and just woke up? That still doesn't explain the whereabouts of his car unless I overlooked it or someone borrowed it etc... No I'm not making excuses for him and am still quite mad. I'm not contacting him tomorrow at all and if he still wants to go out he can text me or whatever. Things were starting to get better so if he wasn't lying to me tonight I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt even though oversleeping is a pretty crappy thing to do and shows that he doesn't have much interest in me. Just doesn't make any sense why he was so excited talking about seeing me and all this week....but those are just words and I know it's the actions that count. Sigh....I'm trying so desperately hard to get to a point where I can just let him go....I really am.
green apples Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I'm a little more cooled down now....just disappointed is all. I am now wondering why he did not respond to my texts if he was really out or whatever? He has always responded quickly to my texts before wherever he was....even at work. Which makes me think....could he really have been sleeping and just woke up? That still doesn't explain the whereabouts of his car unless I overlooked it or someone borrowed it etc... No I'm not making excuses for him and am still quite mad. I'm not contacting him tomorrow at all and if he still wants to go out he can text me or whatever. Things were starting to get better so if he wasn't lying to me tonight I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt even though oversleeping is a pretty crappy thing to do and shows that he doesn't have much interest in me. Just doesn't make any sense why he was so excited talking about seeing me and all this week....but those are just words and I know it's the actions that count. Sigh....I'm trying so desperately hard to get to a point where I can just let him go....I really am. I know this sucks. But you will be able to let him go. It is not easy but you will have to try and eventually you will get it. Do not do anything about him anymore. I am not trying to change your mind with this one but you really do not know what happened to his car so for your own sanity, do not think about it anymore. Whether he lied or not is no longer your business.
Author Cora Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Well I saw him today. Maybe I overlooked his car last night because it was dark. It just wasn't where he normally parks it and I swear I didn't see it anywhere else but I could be wrong I guess. Anyway I went to his place today and his car again wasn't where he normally parks it but I did see it in another spot. So easily overlooked I suppose. He did however oversleep on me if he was there last night which kind of pisses me off anyway. I did not bring it up about not seeing his car last night and I didn't tell him I was kind of pissed that he overslept. I just played it cool. I don't know though....not sure where this relationship....friendship or whatever you want to call it is going. Those may not even be the right terms for it. Anyway I guess I really don't care anymore. I'll continue to see him or whatever until someone else comes along I guess...he apparently is doing the same. I can tell I'm not a priority and it's obvious he isn't that interested in me so whatever.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Well I saw him today. Maybe I overlooked his car last night because it was dark. It just wasn't where he normally parks it and I swear I didn't see it anywhere else but I could be wrong I guess. Anyway I went to his place today and his car again wasn't where he normally parks it but I did see it in another spot. So easily overlooked I suppose. He did however oversleep on me if he was there last night which kind of pisses me off anyway. I did not bring it up about not seeing his car last night and I didn't tell him I was kind of pissed that he overslept. I just played it cool. I don't know though....not sure where this relationship....friendship or whatever you want to call it is going. Those may not even be the right terms for it. Anyway I guess I really don't care anymore. I'll continue to see him or whatever until someone else comes along I guess...he apparently is doing the same. I can tell I'm not a priority and it's obvious he isn't that interested in me so whatever. You do care, and you're willing to forego his behaviour just so you can see him. For your own sanity, please step back and away from him before he pushes you to the point of stalking him outright. Date other people. Don't hang on to him like a rope, it will not help you. And you have made him a priority when you started questioning his actions and his words and wondering if he's lying.... Step back Cora. I know the history you have with this guy, but unless he truly decides to take the lead, you're setting yourself up to be constantly hurt by him.
Lindarose84 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I absolutely agree with Papercut on this one- you DO care and you're making excuses for the sole purpose of being able to see him. Even if you give him the benefit of doubt and you did overlook his car, he still "overslept" on you and your plans- he's a flake Cora. If he cared about you IN ANY WAY (even as a friend), he wouldn't have done that. When I make plans with friends and I know I can't make it, I give them a good warning ahead of time. Everyone naps after a long tiring day- I know that after a long day, if I know I am going out that night and want to squeeze in a nap, better believe I've got two clocks set to make sure I wake up on time. And this is just what I do if I have plans with friends so when it's an actual date I really make sure I'm waking up on time. I do this because I'm invested enough in the other person/people to show some common human decency to honor plans we made. This guys sounds like a bozo and a flake and I think for your own sanity and for the sake of your own heart (which will be broken into a million pieces if you continue to invest more feelings into a guy who doesn't care enough about you to set a damn alarm), I think you need move on from him a.s.a.p. The fact that you drove by his house shows you care way too much about him to the point that he's not just "some dude" you're using to fill time with until someone better comes along. That's a lie to yourself- because if someone better did come along, you wouldn't be able to see it because you're too wrapped up in this guy. Let this one go.
Author Cora Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Thanks Paper....right now I'm just going with the flow. I'm no longer chasing after him or initiating contact. If he wants to hang out and I'm available then I'll hang out with him. I'm just trying to accept the fact that he will most likely never have feelings for me. If he decides later that he would like more than just casual dating or whatever then great I'm all for it....but if not then that is fine too. At least he is someone to pass the time with and have fun with on the weekends when we are both free. I also think that this is helping me with my anxiety/shyness issues. I am keeping my options open and I'm talking to a couple other guys. I just met them so it's nothing yet but we will see what can happen. I'm just having fun getting to know them and dating around in general since I have never really done this before. I always shyed away from dating and guys in general. Never had enough confidence to approach them and when/if they approached me I was never able to keep their interest for long. I do want to find someone someday who could possibly love me and be in a relationship with. I think most people would like that. Right now I'm just gaining experience and having fun.....I'm learning. And yes while gaining this experience and having fun I'm making my mistakes as well and even getting hurt along the way. I guess that's all part of the experience. What happens.....happens. I'm just trying to take a different approach to all of this now.
Author Cora Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Thanks for the advice Linda....didn't see your comment earlier. You make a valid point and I'm trying not to invest all of my interest into him anymore. I'm hoping by dating others it will help.
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 People "flake" on people they don't really care about and don't consider a priority. It is obvious that he is stringing you along. Maybe he feels bad/guilty that he was your first and seeing how interested you are in him, he feels obliged to see you again. I can understand how hurtful this is. He is basically driving you to the point of stalking and it will only keep getting worse. There really is no future with this guy. Once you are truly able to accept that, you will feel much better.
Els Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 People "flake" on people they don't really care about and don't consider a priority. It is obvious that he is stringing you along. Maybe he feels bad/guilty that he was your first and seeing how interested you are in him, he feels obliged to see you again. I can understand how hurtful this is. He is basically driving you to the point of stalking and it will only keep getting worse. There really is no future with this guy. Once you are truly able to accept that, you will feel much better. How is this guy Cora's first? If I interpreted what you said correctly, that is.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 How is this guy Cora's first? If I interpreted what you said correctly, that is. Cora mentioned in her past threads that he was her first. Thus, she's a bit attached to him and why she's willing to forgive his behavior.
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Yeah, Cora mentioned that she lost her virginity to this guy. Also to comment on "did he lie?", it really is irrelevant. Assuming that he didn't lie and really overslept, that still shows how little excitment he felt about seeing you. You on the other hand, were dressed and ready and driving around waiting for his text so that you can get to his place as soon as possible. Can you see how your interest level and his do not match at all? But not to worry. There will be other guys. There always are.
Author Cora Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Yes, he was my first and yes I do wish I would have handled things differently. That will teach me to always get to know someone first before getting intimate with them. I also know that even if he didn't lie to me....him oversleeping was very stupid on his part and shows that he isn't really into me. I am aware of that. I will never chase after him again whenever he wants to see me. I do not and will not contact him anymore. Unless he shows some miraculous improvement which I think is highly unlikely I'm done for now. Well lets be honest I'm trying to be done with him. I really am because I know he isn't worth it. I sure know how to pick the jerks or attract them rather. Anyway, thank you all so much for your advice.
Author Cora Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 ^^ I disagree. Just because he overslept doesn't atomatically mean that he isn't into you. People can oversleep for a variety of reasons. Not everyone gets up easily at the alarm.. my boyfriend is a prime example. He loves sleeping and routinely hits snooze when his alarm goes off - sometimes he doesn't even hear the damn thing. He's just a heavy sleeper.. maybe this guy is too. Anyway, my point is that it's mot really fair to assume that he isn't into you based on this alone. I will agree with other posters about your level of interest in that it does not match his. You are way more into him than you should be at this point. You shouldn't have driven by his place, after all, look where it got you. You aren't even sure if his car was there or not... meaning maybe it wasn't there but now you are second-guessing your original findings to give him the benefit of the doubt. Sure, you could have overlooked it, but that's not the point. The point is that you are in denial about what you are doing and how you are behaving with reagrds to this guy, and you are only setting yourself up for heartbreak. Just don't kid yourself about your level of interest, accept that right now his does not match yours, and detach yourself from him. Step back and let what happens happen but don't force situations. Make him contact you - and also have a plan B so if he flakes then you're not left hanging (but if he does this again then NC)! Yes! I admit that my level of interest in him is significantly higher than his interest in me. This always happens to me for some reason. Every damn guy I start to date I'm always way more into them than they are into me! I guess I just can't find guys who are into me. BUT.....I have a HUGE problem with getting attached way too quickly to guys I date and it didn't help matters much with this guy after sleeping with him. That right there made it ten times worse! No matter what I just have to some how find a way to get over this. It's hard but I know I can break this habit. I keep falling into the same trap and I NEED to stop! I think I really just rushed into things with this guy. My long distance ex completely shattered my heart and once he disappeared on me this was the first guy who showed any interest in me since then. I fell into a deep state of depression for three months and then this guy came along and really made me forget about the ex. I'm not making excuses but I think I falsly fell for this guy out of maybe appreciation that he helped me move on from my ex? I don't know. I just became more attached to him after that. Anyway, whatever happens I am no longer contacting him and I'm stepping way back!! Right now I just feel embarrassed that I got so attached to him like this! He isn't even that into me and here I am constantly right on his heels. Ughh I just feel humiliated, used, and strung along!
Star Gazer Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrZwGGKGkuU Ha. "Flake" is a much more apropro song, don't you think? It seems to me that "maybe"... it pretty much always means "NO."
Mary3 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 May I ask a question : When you go over there and stay the night , is it more about sex ...and then his interest wanes off again ...until he wants to do the deed again ? Thats a booty call. Does he wait to contact you like more than a day ? Booty Call... If he cared he would NOT be able to leave you alone...Find some balance with someone who feels the same...
xpaperxcutx Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 May I ask a question : When you go over there and stay the night , is it more about sex ...and then his interest wanes off again ...until he wants to do the deed again ? Thats a booty call. Does he wait to contact you like more than a day ? Booty Call... If he cared he would NOT be able to leave you alone...Find some balance with someone who feels the same... I think they only saw each other twice in person. The first time, they had sex, and then the second time he took her to a movie. So it wouldn't make her a booty call, but the way he's jerking her around is similar behaviour of someone who doesn't respect her.
Mary3 Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I think they only saw each other twice in person. The first time, they had sex, and then the second time he took her to a movie. So it wouldn't make her a booty call, but the way he's jerking her around is similar behaviour of someone who doesn't respect her. Sex on a first date ...hmm... Sorry I see his treatment of her as pi-- poor all the way around . And I wonder if she told him she was a virgin ? Prime interest there....
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Sex on a first date ...hmm... Sorry I see his treatment of her as pi-- poor all the way around . And I wonder if she told him she was a virgin ? Prime interest there.... Yes she did. Which really makes him an a$$ to take her virginity if he wasn't into her.
Author Cora Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Well I just don't even want to think about him anymore! It's all very exhausting! Yes...I screwed up by telling him I was a virgin. He asked me out to a movie the next day which made me think maybe he could like me but now all I'm thinking is he just felt sorry for me or guilty or whatever. He has been the one saying he wanted to see me again ever since and trying to set up dates etc.. All I can think of now is he probably just wanted to get laid again. I made the stupid mistake of sleeping with him again when I saw him yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking but it was as if I was telling myself maybe something could eventually come out of it. I know how silly that sounds believe me. This whole thing is just turning into me being a convenient sex partner whenever he wants some. Maybe in his eyes it was like this all along and was NEVER going to turn into anything more. I have only made things worse. The point is he obviously does not view me as relationship material and probably never will. In his eyes I'm just not the girl for him.....only someone he can call up when he is horny. I'm so frustrated that I put myself in this position. I know there has to be decent guys out there. Maybe someday I'll find one.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 Well I just don't even want to think about him anymore! It's all very exhausting! Yes...I screwed up by telling him I was a virgin. He asked me out to a movie the next day which made me think maybe he could like me but now all I'm thinking is he just felt sorry for me or guilty or whatever. He has been the one saying he wanted to see me again ever since and trying to set up dates etc.. All I can think of now is he probably just wanted to get laid again. I made the stupid mistake of sleeping with him again when I saw him yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking but it was as if I was telling myself maybe something could eventually come out of it. I know how silly that sounds believe me. This whole thing is just turning into me being a convenient sex partner whenever he wants some. Maybe in his eyes it was like this all along and was NEVER going to turn into anything more. I have only made things worse. The point is he obviously does not view me as relationship material and probably never will. In his eyes I'm just not the girl for him.....only someone he can call up when he is horny. I'm so frustrated that I put myself in this position. I know there has to be decent guys out there. Maybe someday I'll find one. If sex was going to get men to commit, there would hundreds and millions of women sleeping with the men they either fancy or are enamored with. The thing is if you don't detach yourself from him right now, somewhere down the road you'll find yourself in a deep hole of self hate and depression. You remember my story very well, Cora, I've been there and now I wish I haven't done that. The point was I messed up severely when I wanted a relationship and I gave him the choice of a FWB instead. So now I don't have either, a friend, or a relationship. You're not exclusive, so don't make him a priority. If a booty call is not what you want, then don't volunteerily put yourself in a position to have sex with him. It won't place you at the top of his list, except in his speed of the girl he calls for sex. Think about what you're doing to yourself, it's unhealthy.
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