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How could she? I love her...

Taucher

By Taucher
in Coping

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Taucher Established Member

Taucher

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...and the pain still consumes me like my love for her once consumed me. I have learnt more about myself and people in general in the last three weeks than I have in the previous thirty years. In the same time I have learnt precisely nothing about her.

 

My thoughts and feelings: -

 

 

  • She can leave me, she can walk out without any reason. She can move on and be happy and fulfilled in her life, but she will NOT take any part of me with her.
  • I feel like a ghost in my own neighborhood. I haunt it, alone and un-noticed - walking the streets every day. This neighborhood that we shared and where our love began and grew. Now, however, every bar, pub, club, restaurant, park bench, shop, street, wall and tree brings make memories from 4 years together, 4 years in which I gave EVERYTHING. However, she will NOT take my love for this place with her as she has taken her love away from me. My connection to here will be stronger BECAUSE of this. This is MY reality. Besides, I was here first.
  • Her family are no longer my family, her friends will become strangers to me once more.
  • Love is unpredictable, stupid and a waste of me, you and everyone else. Bit cynical I know, but there y'go.
  • There will NEVER be another love like we had. NEVER. Apart from yours and everyone else reading this forum and everyone who has ever been in love. No-one could possibly feel anything close to the pain and loss I am currently going through. Apart from you, and everyone else who has had the exquisite pain of heartbreak.
  • Creative outlet. I wish I had one, but I don't. But I have been riding my bike alot.
  • NC really does work. It came to me in a flash. My relationship with my beautiful, doomed ex started with NC. Before we started seriously 4 years ago, we spent the previous year very much off and on. When we were off, we still had the most incredible sex but then she would email me telling me about her date for the evening. When we were on, I could do no wrong. We started going out seriously when I decided that I was worth more and stopped contacting her. Didnt answer the phone, reply to texts. Suddenly I was gone and she wanted me; she pursued me and it happened: BANG! I was the lucky boyfriend to the girl of my dreams.
  • I dont care what anyone says; carrying on with 'I love you, lets get married' up until the minute you walk out on someone is WRONG and immature. GROW UP, MISERABLE BLIGHTED DUMPERS OF THE WORLD - that is what I will never recover from.
  • People come and people go. The only constant is yourself. You are more important to yourself than anyone or anything else. The sooner the people who dumped us realise this, the better.
  • Dumpers have issues. I believe that. I suspect that I will get over this quicker and BETTER than she does. She has put all the pressure on herself. She can have it.
  • What has happened to me, what I am feeling so sorry for myself about is happening all over the world and will do forever. That is what makes being human so great. This pain is necessary so that we can enjoy the good times and FIGHT for something, whether that is ourselves, our relationship, whatever.
  • I dont believe in God, but it would make no difference even if I did. WE NEED TO BLESS OURSELVES.

Right, that was a bit of a rant, even if it was elegantly bulleted. Sorry for being self indulgent and thank you for reading if you did. Everyone on here really is at the pinnicle of humanity. WE ARE THE DUMPED! Our spirits will make us soar above the dumpers while they wonder: ' Where is the pelasure in my life? Why do I give up so easily? Why does my love not burn as bright and as strong?' Their loss.

 

Later

 

T

Cinnamon777 Member

Cinnamon777

Posted
Posted

Great post! I hope it felt good to get all those thoughts out. It sounds like you are on your way to healing, even though it still hurts and you are still trying to sort it all out. You will get there! While you are riding around on your bicycle, feel the breeze on your face, let it blow away all the negative. Absorb the beauty and wonder all around you. Tap into that place inside that makes you feel your most powerful - know you will be happy again.

 

Keep posting... we are all here for you.

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Taucher Established Member

Taucher

Posted
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Thank you Cinnamon777. I am quite touched that you read what I wrote and said something nice - especially as I went on a bit and didn't actually ask any questions! It did feel good thought thanks for asking - although as it is an up and down process I feel somewhat less defiant today. Ho hum.

 

And riding my bike HAS helped me. It helped me because yesterday I feel off it, I couldn't get my feet out of the pedals at a red light and just sort of fell over like a felled tree. Only after when picking myself up did I realise that during the split second of panic that I felt when i KNEW I was falling, my ex didn't exist and I had something more to think about. Made me laugh anyway.

 

Take care...

 

T

Nedved Established Member

Nedved

Posted
Posted

At least you had a laugh at nearly falling off your bike which is good because we have to laugh at oursleves sometimes. Deep down we know although most of us here are hurt there is more important things in life than the evil ex!!! :)

 

Totally know what your through when you say you feel like your in a ghost town because like you i was here long before she ever showed up but 4 years of memories in these bars restaurants, parks etc dose make me very sad. Even walking the streets i still remember her so clearly with me...

 

I've made a deal with myself that i'l visit every place again when i'm strong enough and hopefully some day i'l bring a new girl with me and create new memories to. :)

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Taucher Established Member

Taucher

Posted
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I've made a deal with myself that i'l visit every place again when i'm strong enough and hopefully some day i'l bring a new girl with me and create new memories to. :)

 

I have taken the opposite approach. I kind of feel that avoiding things may turn them into bigger issues, if you see what I mean? When my GF left me in our flat we had shared for 2 years, I spent a week staying at friends and family, I was just too emotional to go to the flat. However, being away from it built it up in my mind, so when I eventually HAD to go back, it was very traumatic.

 

I have been living in it on my own for nearly 3 weeks now and I am used to it.

 

Go to your special places now ON YOUR OWN...that's my advice. If you dont you are reinforcing the idea that these places are SPECIAL only because of you and your ex, but really the places are special because they are your home and part of you. Once you have been to these places once, when you go again you will remember being there on your own SINCE you and your ex split up.

 

T

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