Samson12 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Let me try to keep this short: I met girl "A" online and we emailed for a month before going on a date. On the second date she made dinner and we spent time together at her place. There was kissing and some touching, but I wouldn't let it get sexual. The next day while talking on the phone she told me that she was "kinda seeing someone else". I've told her that unless we become exclusive there will be nothing sexual. But I still really like this girl so I saw her again a few days later and once again spent the night and although she begged I said "No Sex". During the time between our two dates I was set up with girl "B" who lives more locally. Well, we went out for the first time last night and got ice cream. While deciding whether to watch a movie or not she said she didn't live far away and we could just watch a DVD at her place. I had no intention of going anything physical with this girl. However upon telling her that I give good massages she asked for one and after a bit was lying shirtless on the couch while I massaged her back and shoulders. Though we laid next to eachother with our shirts off there was no kissing (I wouldn't let it go that far) save a goodbye kiss at the end of the night. Now, I'm not a player and the number of girls I've turned down for sex is greater than the numer of serious relationships I've been in due to my morals. In the last couple years I've hardly found anyone worth dating and both of these girls seem to dateable for me; in fact I'm planning on seeing them both again. Neither of the girls know I'm dating the other yet; though I've made it clear to girl "A" that if she's going to date others I'm not going to pass an opportunity. Because of my conscience and morals I do feel a bit guilty about the possibility of misleading or hurting both of these girls. I could use some opinions. Am I in the wrong? Should I pick the one I like more ("A") over the other and HOPE she wants to be exclusive some day? OR should I just keep on dating them both and not letting things get physical and see where it goes? Thanks in advance.
amerikajin Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 My troll radar is on high alert, but I'll but anyway. Let me try to keep this short: I met girl "A" online and we emailed for a month before going on a date. On the second date she made dinner and we spent time together at her place. There was kissing and some touching, but I wouldn't let it get sexual. The next day while talking on the phone she told me that she was "kinda seeing someone else". I've told her that unless we become exclusive there will be nothing sexual. But I still really like this girl so I saw her again a few days later and once again spent the night and although she begged I said "No Sex". During the time between our two dates I was set up with girl "B" who lives more locally. Well, we went out for the first time last night and got ice cream. While deciding whether to watch a movie or not she said she didn't live far away and we could just watch a DVD at her place. I had no intention of going anything physical with this girl. However upon telling her that I give good massages she asked for one and after a bit was lying shirtless on the couch while I massaged her back and shoulders. Though we laid next to eachother with our shirts off there was no kissing (I wouldn't let it go that far) save a goodbye kiss at the end of the night. Now, I'm not a player and the number of girls I've turned down for sex is greater than the numer of serious relationships I've been in due to my morals. In the last couple years I've hardly found anyone worth dating and both of these girls seem to dateable for me; in fact I'm planning on seeing them both again. Neither of the girls know I'm dating the other yet; though I've made it clear to girl "A" that if she's going to date others I'm not going to pass an opportunity. Because of my conscience and morals I do feel a bit guilty about the possibility of misleading or hurting both of these girls. I could use some opinions. Am I in the wrong? Should I pick the one I like more ("A") over the other and HOPE she wants to be exclusive some day? OR should I just keep on dating them both and not letting things get physical and see where it goes? Thanks in advance. What I'm wondering is, if you're messing around with girls why aren't you f*cking them? Your morals? What's immoral about having great sex?
Author Samson12 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 TRUST ME! I've thought about it. I'm pretty sure girl "A" would be fine with that. She's begged me before and although she said she's been hurt before and wants to handle "us" carefully she'd be willing. Girl "B" turns into putty in my hands and if I would have tried probably would have given it up to some extent. However, I feel like its cheating them or lying to them if I do that. I've been so fed up with getting screwed over by women in the past couple years though that I've given SERIOUS thought to having sex with either or both of them. I just can't get past my conscience and thinking how I would feel if it happened to me. I try to treat people as ends in themselves, not a means to an end. But still...its a though I entertain. Maybe I should just stop thinking about and go this route? BTW, call me nieve, but what does Troll Radar refer to? This is a real part of my life. I'm just a guy who tries to do things the right way...however, in this case there seems to be no right way.
BobSacamento Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 There's a huge difference between messing around and sex. I think you are doing the multi dating thing right. The only thing with girl A is what does "I'm kinda seeing someone else". I think you need to get a definite explanation of that relationship. If she's just dating someone else then I think that's cool. Dating is supposed to be fun and not serious. Messing around is not serious in my book. Sex is ok if your both on the same page.
Author Samson12 Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Just talked to girl "A" about what's going on. Basically, she thinks she would be ok with being FWB for now and still dating to see what comes of it. She said she's most afraid that if we get into a relationship she'll break my heart down the road. There's nothing she doesn't like about me and admits that she should be diving in head first to be with me. She offered to tell me the extent of her other dating, but I told her I'd rather be ignorant about it. She said she "didn't expect" me to come along. She told me that there is no one else she is or wants to have sex with at this point, but that maybe we should rule out having sex for now until she has a better idea of what she wants out of us. And yet we're still going out on a romantic date tomorrow (her idea). This seems to be getting more complicated than it should be.
boogieboy Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Girl A already told you that she will screw you down the road. If girl A says that she thinks she'll break your heart, then she already knows that she wouldnt never fall in love with you. That or she is looking for a real relationship with the other guy shes dating, not you. You could be being used by her and not know it. I say dont take girl A serious, and pour your efforts into girl B, especially since she might not be dating anyone else.
Author Samson12 Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Unfortunately, girl "B" is date-worthy and thus far interesting, but not as appealing as girl "A".
fishtaco Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I'm with amerikajin. Why is consensual sex immoral? Other than that, good job. That's how you do it. Date a bunch of girls and pick the best one out of the bunch.
lab_brat Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Unfortunately, girl "B" is date-worthy and thus far interesting, but not as appealing as girl "A". You sound v confused. You can't rank the girls in order of preference then claim to be moralistic, not want to have sex without exclusivity, then flip and date 2 girls, then half-consider sex with one. Not cool.
Author Samson12 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Update: Spent the day with girl "A" today. Ended up on the couch together watching the Lakers. I decided I was sick on denying myself certain pleasures in life so after making out for a while I discussed with her that I wanted to get her off without going all the way. She said I could try but it probably wouldn't happen because of her self conscienceness and didn't think she could get into it enough if the focus was all on her. Long story short she got off with me helping her and she was surprised because it never happened with anyone else. (Not patting myself on the back....much. Hahahaha). I'm pretty sure she has slight intimacy problems because she did tell me that she felt more uncomfortable talking to me about how she masterbates than she would actually having sex with me. She seemed more comfortable after the fact as she talked almost non stop for about 15 minutes. Hahahaha. I think she might be thinking a little differently about "us" from the way she acted afterwards. From what I felt it seemed to either be "I think I might be falling for him" or "I'm embarrased that I just did that with him". What do you think?
Author Samson12 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 So not really much advice here other than focus on girl "B" and "have sex with both of them"? After going out with girl "B" again I've realized that she's nice, but I'm much more into girl "A". Either she calls me or I call her every day. So I guess the question now because how long do I give her before I ask about exclusivity? We've been talking almost 2 months and dating for about 1. She hasn't brought up that she's still seeing anyone else since 2 dates ago. I spend 1 or 2 nights a week with her at her place. I haven't told her that I've been seeing girl "B" either. But I'm not concerned with seeing her anymore really. Advice?
collegekid491 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 What I'm wondering is, if you're messing around with girls why aren't you f*cking them? Your morals? What's immoral about having great sex? Well quite simply... not everyone has the morales as you, make sense? While some people I would agree throw to much meaning behind sex, I do throw enough meaning behind it not to mess around with just any girl. A nice example, receiving a phone call 4 months later "you might be the father"
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