wow123 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 The more I read these threads I see a trend. Many of the dumpers told the dumpee how in love they were and were talking about the future (engagment, marriage, living together) shortly before breaking up. Is is just that they know they want those things so they talk about them even know they knew it wasn't going to be with us? Heartless, Immature, Selfish. People should think long and hard before saying such things to their S/O. It's that kind of talk that makes breaking up even harder.
Taucher Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Yes I have noticed that too. That is exactly what happened to me. My GF left me three weeks ago today. If anything, her talking about our future (buying a house, getting married) had increased a bit in the 4 weeks or so leading up to her leaving me. The last thing she said to me (before she suddenly announced that she could't do 'this' anymore) was "I am SO happy. I love you." Now, I dont deny anyone's right to end a relationship if they are not happy with it, in fact, even as a 'dumpee' I realise that I am probably better off without someone who doesn;t want me. However, the shock was SO great just because it was soo unexpected. After 4 amazingly happy years (or thats what I thought), why change so suddenly? Where is the communication. I met my girlfriend a week ago today (2 weeks after break up) and she admitted that she never planned to leave me, it just kind of happened, like it was out of her control or something. I am beginning to feel angry about all of this. I am still reeling from it all today.
Exit Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I know I will be more careful talking about it in the future that's for sure. I really wanted to marry my GF and she said the same and now it's all gone. I will not bring that up again with a woman until I am certain.
Ronni_W Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Many of the dumpers told the dumpee how in love they were and were talking about the future ... shortly before breaking up. It could also be a case of someone saying, "I do love you and do see myself spending the rest of my life with you...BUT," and the person who was listening stops listening after the first part, and doesn't hear what comes after the "BUT"? But. For the speaker, it was the stuff that came AFTER the 'but' that was the important piece of information about things that weren't working so well for the speaker, that needed to be adjusted/changed/compromised on. And then, when nothing gets adjusted/changed, the (original) speaker is like, "WTF? I guess my partner doesn't care about what I said I needed and wanted in this relationship, that I wasn't getting. I guess I have nothing left to do but leave." IMO, that's why we all need to learn how to LISTEN better...more fully and completely, and not just hear what we want to hear. Also how to convey our "difficult truths" more effectively, of course, but in general it's our listening skills that suck more than our verbal.
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Don't listen to what people say. Watch what they do. Lips lie. Actions tell the truth. Simple as that
Mike B. Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Don't listen to what people say. Watch what they do. Lips lie. Actions tell the truth. Simple as that Do not take the above statement by Carhill lightly. This phrase is to be internalized. So many of us in the dating arena and relationships are constantly being thrown off by what he or she said in the relationship and what actually happened in the end. In the end we are shaken up because the person told us that he or she wanted kids and to be with us forever and to die together. Then when the breakup comes, we ask "what happened to all of the love?" If a person's action is very consistent with their words, it is safe to trust the words but no matter what they say if it is not shown through consistent action, simply throw out the words. It seem so simple and so straight forward when we read a quote like Carhill's yet we forget it time after time or ignore it. The many posts on this site demonstrate this.
carhill Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Before TBF chastises me again , I'll append my advice to: "*DO* listen to what people say and watch for their actions to match their words" When my first impression of a person is that they're a bullshyter, all I subsequently hear is 'bla, bla' and I just watch their actions. That's only if I must interact with them. Otherwise, black hole they go
You'reasian Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Is is just that they know they want those things so they talk about them even know they knew it wasn't going to be with us? That can be harsh. I think people do want these things, but reserve these things for the "right" person - and one cannot assume you are that person unless the other says and demonstrates so. Circumstances can also dictate a change in course of a relationship. If my black book of lady friends start contacting me and demonstrating sexual interest to me while I'm in a relationship and my girlfriend finds out, how would that make her feel? What would happen to her level of trust? She would have every right to question and I would have alot of answering to do.
Nuala83 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 The more I read these threads I see a trend. Many of the dumpers told the dumpee how in love they were and were talking about the future (engagment, marriage, living together) shortly before breaking up. Is is just that they know they want those things so they talk about them even know they knew it wasn't going to be with us? Heartless, Immature, Selfish. People should think long and hard before saying such things to their S/O. It's that kind of talk that makes breaking up even harder. People change their minds.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Sometimes that is the last drastic attempt by the dumper to try to recapture what they had with you. They think if they put everything they have into it, perhaps that feeling would return. When it becomes clear that it won't - they bounce.
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