My X wants to be with me again someday!? but now with another guy?? I dont get it..

[DVNPRT6]

I kinda need advice about something. OK, Ill try to make it short as possible..

 

I started going out with this girl in December 2002. Everything was absolutely great, no fights, hanging out everyday, nothing but the best of times..Now both of our pasts are known as 'kissing sluts'..Hooking up with alot of people but not going all the way. we totally fell in love with each other in a couple months. She goes to school 5 hours from me and I ended up going there over 20 times last semester whenever i had a free moment. We made it to the summer and she kept saying I am totally gonna marry you, there is nobody else, I got her a really beautiful 'promise' ring that she Totally loved..I am so much in love with you..Which she was..I felt the same way..

 

By July, she became very cold towards me..She started hanging out with her 'best guy friend' ALOT..Now this friend and her had hooked up before i met her..and that other dude was to chicken to ask her out and now was looking to get back with her..She went over his house ALOT and claimed she did nothing with him... I continued to put Everything into the relationship before she ended it in late July, telling me I love you but i need to be free, there is NOBODY else, yet a month later she started going out with this guy..

 

She goes back to school and I have gone down to drive here back here a few times and when she is up here on the weekends, I still to this day Never let her down and continue to put my all into it..Shell sometimes leave me messages saying I love you with all my heart...another time she said I wanna marry you, I promise I am gonna marry you...but she is with that other dude now...

 

My question is should i still put every drop of everything into this girl knowing she is saying all this I love you stuff, she stills says she holds the teddy ber i gave her at night, wears that promise ring and bracelet i gave her and says you make me happy but I need to close some doors first..She confuses the hell outta me..Does she wanna marry me, but just needs to be with him first??? Please, any advice is appreciated

[DVNPRT6]

Any advice at all, please?

[Arabess]

Have you thought about the possibility of telling her you are going to back on out to the porch till she gets her "door problem" settled....and see what her response is then? Love is supposed to make you happy, feel good about yourself, be a "shelter" from the storm....that sort of thing. When it is only making you confused and miserable....you really have to evaluate the relationship to see if it's worth it.

 

I don't think you should be making all the effort. I think you should take a fiesta....and see if SHE makes an effort.....not in WORD, but in DEED. Simply suggesting you to hold on while she "shuts doors on past relationships" sounds like a cop out. It isn't fair or considerate of your feelings.

 

I'm not suggesting she is a bad person...only a person who is not putting YOUR FEELINGS first.

[DVNPRT6]

Is it honestly fair..Does that make any sense..? I know Iam gonna marry you, but i need to close doors first and be with this other dude? Yt say all the i love you with all my heart stuff at random..I dont get that..How could she wanna marry me and be with me LATER and be with someoe else now..She cant love me..can she??

[Arabess]

This becomes the same sort of relationship "conversation"...a person has in a relationship with a Married Other Person. They say they love you. want you, you are their soul mate....but *GASP* WHY aren't they with you??? It because they have a tie or situation ELSEWHERE they are still sorting thru. NOW, you will WANT to believ them, because words of love MUST mean something.....but this will be the deal....you will sit and wait and wait and wait......and your self esteem will go to hell and back....and you are STILL alone. Worst part is...they are STILL giving you the same lines of affection and promises.

 

Some peolle hang onto this type of reasoning. They think SURELY I meant ENOUGH, this person won't walk out on who we were together.

 

But guess what???? THEY WILL! It's as though they are a ghost.....they send you ALL THEIR LOVE....but it never is tangible or fulfilling. It becomes the most painful joke in the world.

 

I DON'T think they do it on purpose. I think they hold onto YOU...incase the "other thing" doesn't work out. I'ts mean...and selfish....but LOTS of people do that. Probably ALL of us have at some point...

[DVNPRT6]

So, a lost cause, i'm running myself into the ground over something and someone who isnt gonna ever come back? thanks for the posts by the way...appreciate them

[ThisGirlNameKD]

Actions speak louder than words. When people tell us they love us and they can't do without us, our self-worth becomes tied up into those words, and we begin to think we must truly be something special for this person to love us and care about us. When they fall out of love with us, we begin to think that we are not special at all or that we are not lovable anymore. Maybe not to that person, but it doesn't mean that someone else will not find you special and lovable. Don't let a wayward lover devalue you. You obviously have alot of good to offer to someone else who will more than appreciate it and demonstrate it by being loyal and faithful to you. True love is not all confusing as she's making it out to be. It's confusing because you're trying to believe something that obviously has no merit because she saying one thing and doing another. Actions speak louder than words. This girl is obviously not the one who deserves you.

[Vivid_29]

Ok, so she says that she wants to marry you and that she still holds the Teddy Bear that you gave her, while she is with this other guy? That should tell you a few things about her.

 

Leave her behind and start dating other women. Don't put your life on hold for her, because she wants to have her cake and eat it to. What she is doing is very selfish and she is only looking out for herself. You need to look out for yourself.

 

My ex pulled the same stunt on me, telling me how she needs to find herself and asking me to wait for her. If I did wait for her, how would that make me look? Like a pathetic sucker. Move on, man and forget her.

[DVNPRT6]

Thanks for all the great posts..One more question...If she is with this other guy, why would she say all those love you...I still wear ur ring kinda stuff...Why wouldnt she just let it be and let it go.. I mean, I was so good to her, so good to her...is she just 'saving me 4 later'? I know its wrong, ad i will move on from it soon...ANy more ino is appreciated ..Thanks guys~! 11-3-03==1213am

[ks7997]

Honey, that is exactly what she is doing. Saving you for later, if there will even be a lter. It sounds like it all depends on her situtation and what is best for her. She very well may love you, but she is obviously NOT in love with you. Those are 2 very different things. To love is one thing, just like you love your paretns, children, etc. But to be in love with someone takes a lot of commitment, dedication, trust, values, honesty, affection, and plain ol'e hard work sometimes. How much of this is she giving you right now? It is easy to say she wants to be with you, but she is obviously not showing you. There are so many people who would give their lives for others, and you are entitled to that as well. If she is telling you this, but she is showing the other guy those things, there is something very wrong with this picture. You deserve to be told and shown. Period, end of story!

[Matchbox311]

All I have to say is move on...Let your spirit roar again like it used to before u were with her...She honestly doesnt care about YOU enough..Good Luck 2 U

[troselli80]

im in the same situation. me and my ex were 2gether for 2 and a half years. he met someone else and told me he needed to experiance other things but he loved me and wanted to marry me. i was his first girlfriend. we have been broken up for 5 months now and he is still with the girl he met while we were 2gether and i am now with someone else. we speak about once a month and have seen each other a few times since the breakup. he still tells me he loves me and i know he does and i love him very much. although i think he is sincere when he tells me he loves me and wantws to marry me i am not waiting around. that is the worst thing 2 do. if u truly love the person i say let things be for now and see what happens. she might be sincere when she says she loves u she might not only u know the answer to that. but do not wait around and let her know that.

[BklynGuy]

This is similar to the situation with my ex. We were together for a long time but she was playing games and going out w/other guys. When you love someone, you will put up with all kinds of crap. Once outside of the situation, you will think "What was I doing to myself?". This girl is playing you for a fool! Some women just want to have their cake and eat it too. Unfortunately, there is a lot of trash out there, and we men are so taken in by the beauty of a female, we often don't see who they really are. My advice is to let her go, and find someone who wants to be w/you and only you now.

[Goatsbreath]

I always have to laugh at the creative ways people try to justify their actions. Only in the realms of a relationship can you say stuff like- (I need to close other doors, I need to find out who I am, Im not sure what I want) - and expect it to mean something. Ofcourse, were so dumb and in love that we somehow rationalize what the other is saying and try to make sense of it. There is no making sense of it because it never meant anything in the first place. Its a play on words that means Im going to go hop around in some other Pasteur's and the grass may or may not be greener- I'll get back to you on that. Let go man- don't invest one more thing because you are feeding her behavior. She does what you allow her to do. Take the bowl of food off the front porch and see if the cat decides to come in the house.

[DVNPRT6]

Im pretty much over her..Everyone is right..SHe doesnt really care..I know for a fact I can do better than her..Thanks guys