fabulous_chk Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I just want to know if anybody have experienced this. I have fallen in love with somebody I met 2 months ago. I started falling for him just last week. I've been doing fine with the NC from my ex....and with LC recently (had to communicate because of death in the family). I felt free finally - this new guy made me feel so alive, so happy, that I'm even grateful that the ex broke up with me. But things are rocky for me and the new guy...I told him we are just FBs, although he has raised the subject of love. After we met up this Thursday, had a wonderful time (sex was awesome), he withdrew from me. I've suggested meeting up with him yesterday and today, but he said no. I'm starting to freak out and I remembered how nice and gentle and easy it was to fall in love with the ex. I had this sudden compulsion to talk to my ex! I called him around 5-6 times today, we spoke for over an hour all in all, told each other we still love each other and appreciate each other, he told me he loves the other girl also and want to keep f*cking her (lol!). We are both a mess!!! We love each other but in love with other people sexually, at least. I have told him of my feelings for the new guy and he understands completely, although he told me to be a complete person first, before pursuing another relationship. He said he's going to single for a long time until he is a complete person. I told him I cannot stay single. I AM SO UNSTABLE! One day I feel absolutely fine, but the next I'm miserable and just want to lay down on the floor and die! I still see my ex in my future, as we were both the greatest friends, but I can see the new guy as my husband. I AM SOOOO TORN!
wow123 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 If I was falling in love with a girl and she told me we were just friends with benefits I would run like hell. Nobody wants a broken heart. Why did you say that if you are falling for him?
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 If I was falling in love with a girl and she told me we were just friends with benefits I would run like hell. Nobody wants a broken heart. Why did you say that if you are falling for him? Because that was what we agreed on! Prior to these sexual encounters, we were very comfortable with being just friends. We were not falling in love, but talked about love in general and how nice it is to have that somebody. Suddenly though, one suggestive text followed another and he and I agreed to being FWBs. It took us 4 days of just hanging out until we were able to do it. And all the waiting was worth it! I realized how important he became to me after that...like I started thinking about waking up with him everyday, him taking care of my dog, him becoming my husband......all these sorts of things. But yeah, this FWB label is the stupidest thing ever! Ugh!!!!
wow123 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 You need to tell him how you feel. He probably has no idea.
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 He has withdrawn from me. I say I miss you, and he'd say I miss you too, but won't invite me to come over.
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Sounds to me like you've just transferred the emotions from the ex to the new guy. When the new guy withdrew, you transferred those emotions back to your ex. I think it's time to learn to stand alone.
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Sounds to me like you've just transferred the emotions from the ex to the new guy. When the new guy withdrew, you transferred those emotions back to your ex. I think it's time to learn to stand alone. During NC, I was doing OK. I was out with friends, having wild parties, but I never felt really happy until I met the new guy. That's when my feelings for the ex disappeared. And I clung to him. I felt like he was my life-saver.
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 During NC, I was doing OK. I was out with friends, having wild parties, but I never felt really happy until I met the new guy. That's when my feelings for the ex disappeared. And I clung to him. I felt like he was my life-saver.What does this tell you?
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 ^That I need men to make me feel better. Ugh!
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 I deleted the new guy's number, I'm going to smoke pot instead lol! I need to stop this craziness.
TheBigCow Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 That I need men to make me feel better. Ugh! I doubt this is true, but it could definitely be true that now while you're hurting 'having' anyone to focus your attention and feeling on saves you from the painful feeling of having them focused on someone who isn't interested. I agree that you should allow yourself to move past this pain and feelings from your breakup best you can before you start something new, but don't spend ages being worried about starting something new or opportunities will pass you by. Don't feel bad for feeling unstable... its a roller coaster for all of us
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 goddamn i'd do anything to be back 2 years ago...my ex and i were not like this, we were sooooo good to each other during our romance. this guy is too withdrawn!!!!
BearPower Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I'm going to smoke pot instead lol! thats a good idea.. It does help, in moderation of course
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 my soulbear!! i've gone crazy today! broke NC all over!!!!
TheBigCow Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Oh dear fabulous .. whats going on? Let us talk you out of things
BackonTrack2 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Hello, You sound like a idiot female. What you need to do is NOT have sex with anyone for at least 6 months. You need to get your life priorities in order then resume into a relationship. What your doing is bascially going any way the wind pushes you as opposed to navigating your life. You should figure out what you want from LIFE and what you want in a relationship. You shound young as well. I mean, in all honesty, as long as someone else in your heart, you won't love that new person and chances are you are just using that NEW person to DULL the pain and when the fog clears, you will realize that you are not INTO that person at all and you probably just wanted the love and affection from him. What you need to do is go read a book and figure out what excites you. Men can't make you feel alive, only you can do that. They are just an addition to your pre-existing life, not the end-all be all.
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 ^I'm reading my Orgo book, it doesn't excite me anymore. lol! Yeah I'm being idiotic. Was doing so well too!!! Having good times with friends, dating casually.......... but then I felt a spark with Danny. DING DING DING! I thought, "YES I'M OVER MY EX!" nope. I'm not so young...i'm 27. Just had a tough time yesterday. Today I'm okay. Tomorrow? I have no idea, but I'll deal with it I guess. I decided no sex anymore! I do not want to date for a while. Friends are more fun than boys. I do not want to deal with the games and heartbreak. DONE WITH MEN FOR NOW. Oh dear fabulous .. whats going on? Let us talk you out of things Aw, TheBigCow, please stop me from calling my ex. I promised to call him again. I know I shouldn't. I'm so unstable. But if I call him I'll fake being happy. Just a little acting. I really have no idea how to deal with this. His father just died. He tells me he needs me. He wants me to be there for him. He wants to see me/sleep with me THREE TIMES A WEEK (LOL!) when he gets back home (he's in Greece). We are supposedly friends. I have false hope sometimes. But I did not sit and wait for him, I immediately dated other people a week after the break-up. The very first person I dated was Danny. I loved how different he was from the ex. Shy, cute, introverted, CUTE, CUTE, CUTE!!!! I fell for that (My ex is the alpha male). This new guy captured my heart because he treated me like a princess. His kisses were pure heaven, so gentle. I felt precious. His response to my touch was amazing. I loved how he was soooo into me (OMG writing this makes me wanna call him). But, time to face my demons first before dating. I've been told by my ex not to date for a while, to find myself first, to be complete. I was also told this by my other ex (who I'm best friends with for life). And I will listen. No more boys for now. No more girls either.
runner Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I deleted the new guy's number, I'm going to smoke pot instead lol! I need to stop this craziness. yes- smoking pot is the bestest way to stop this crazyness.
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 yes- smoking pot is the bestest way to stop this crazyness. OMG ahahahhah! I didn't even get high! My date got high after one hit. Yeah, I'm done with alcohol as well. NO SMOKING, NO POT, NO ALCOHOL, NO BOYS! Just the natural high! (I'm not sure about drinking I like my wine). And on a positive note, after trying to lose weight back in December with no success, I stepped on the scale today and found out I lost 12 lbs. without even trying! (Well I was a gym rat for 3 weeks, and these days I bike daily for an hour to clear my head). Another good thing: it's MONDAY tomorrow. I love MONDAYS, I love the idea of brand new starts. Mondays give me fresh beginnings (WEEKENDS SUCK LOL!)
TheBigCow Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I'm not so young...i'm 27. If I told 27 year olds I know that they aren't young.. they would be very unhappy with me Coming out of a serious relationship seems to make people thing they're running out of time, you are not running out of time, well you're not! Aw, TheBigCow, please stop me from calling my ex. You don't have to call. I know you promised you would, but you still don't have to. And if you don't want to or don't think you should (I think you already know what you shouldn't do) then don't! Instead of calling send someone a message, or post here, or talk to a friend on the phone or chat on IM, that person can tell you how bad an idea it is He wants me to be there for him. He wants to see me/sleep with me Okay I can see how this is hard and I can you might want to be there for him, but you've goto have boundaries! Either flat out refuse, or explain why that wouldn't work for you. I know its a tough time for him, but still he can't choose to learn on you whenever is convenient. If he's doing really badly, you could offer to talk to him on the phone.. but like I said, boundaries! But, time to face my demons first before dating. This is healthy But also personally I don't think you should push the new guy totally away if you honestly like him and you can honestly say to me he's not a rebound.. might regret it otherwise. If you're not sure and think it might just be a rebound thing, take space first. Hang in there, its a mix of bad and good days for all of us I think
Author fabulous_chk Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 If I told 27 year olds I know that they aren't young.. they would be very unhappy with me Coming out of a serious relationship seems to make people thing they're running out of time, you are not running out of time, well you're not! I know I'm not getting any younger lol! I have a slight insecurity on my age, because my ex ex cheated on me with a 17 year old girl (he was 24, I was 22) and my current ex cheated on me with a 19 year old girl (he is 28, I am 27). I think I might have to expand the age group of guys I should be dating...the guy has to be 7 years older than me lol. I'm tired of my dating guys my age. You don't have to call. I know you promised you would, but you still don't have to. And if you don't want to or don't think you should (I think you already know what you shouldn't do) then don't! Instead of calling send someone a message, or post here, or talk to a friend on the phone or chat on IM, that person can tell you how bad an idea it is I have my Soul Bear to restrain me lol. And I post here. But weekends for me are the hardest!!! I just weaken come Saturday morning. I am making a decision not to call. NC until he comes back and initiates a conversation. I will try to be alone in the meantime. Okay I can see how this is hard and I can you might want to be there for him, but you've goto have boundaries! Either flat out refuse, or explain why that wouldn't work for you. I know its a tough time for him, but still he can't choose to learn on you whenever is convenient. If he's doing really badly, you could offer to talk to him on the phone.. but like I said, boundaries! I didn't say yes to that....I was silent/shocked/flabbergasted when he asked me to be with him 3X a week! He said: "You don't have to answer right now." And I didn't. I just don't see how that could work out for either of us. I mean, we're going to be doing "couple" things but without the commitment. That would be too weird. Boundaries. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! This is healthy But also personally I don't think you should push the new guy totally away if you honestly like him and you can honestly say to me he's not a rebound.. might regret it otherwise. If you're not sure and think it might just be a rebound thing, take space first. Hang in there, its a mix of bad and good days for all of us I think He is a rebound, unfortunately. He makes me feel good. But at the end of the day it is still my ex who holds my heart. =(
TheBigCow Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I'm tired of my dating guys my age. You're just dating the wrong guys ! Although the fact they're cheating on you does suggest they're pretty darn immature. I wouldn't let guys like that make you feel bad Glad to hear SoulBear has you in check He is a rebound, unfortunately. He makes me feel good. But at the end of the day it is still my ex who holds my heart. =( Well its very good you can see this. The biggest problem I have with rebounds is someone else just gets hurt, so as long as you don't lead him on (i.e let him know where you guys stand), then feel free to let him make you feel good Trust me in time you will be able to claim your heat back!
BearPower Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I do keep her in check you can never have enough in the coping forum.
NopeNah Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I do keep her in check you can never have enough in the coping forum. No offense...but, you cant keep yourself in check, my friend.
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