neophreak Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? I've known this woman for about 2 months and in terms of compatability, I couldn't be happier. We both agree that a strong physical and emotional attraction exist. BUT, she still has feelings for her ex and is trying to decide if she should get back with him...she's leaning towards the second chance. They were together for 9 years but according to her the last 2.5 years when they lived together were very painful due to trust issues and personality differences. For me, this is no way to start a relationship and I'm not going to accept anything less than that with her. I've communicated this to her and she understood and agreed. The problem is we still continue to talk for hours on end and occassionally meet up. We both tried to walk away a few times but realized that wasn't what we wanted either. I think this stems from her indecisiveness regarding her ex situation. I can't force her to make a decision; at the same time, the state of limbo is starting to wear on me emotionally. As a result, I say or do things that I regret which in turn affects her. Should I just move on and not look back? Stay "friends" and see if things work out between us down the road? I'm in my mid 30s and had my share of good and bad relationships so I do realize life goes on with or without her
motive2002 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Maybe she needs someone else to confide in. If you're looking for a relationship, then perhaps you are right when you say this is no way to start one. Personally I can only really be with someone if I know they are 100% into me at the time. If she's thinking about reconciling with someone else, I would feel a little used. Just my opinion.
stillafool Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I think you should move on. This will force her to make a decision as to who she really wants to be with. As long as you are still around and she can see you and her ex she will continue to straddle the fence. Tell her you care for her and want to be with her but this hurts too much. Tell her you will hopefully be available when she makes up her mind.
mammax3 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I agree with moving on. I'm sure she is attracted to you and would like to be with you and wants your support. But maybe she also needs a confidante and a cheerleader for getting back with the ex - which is not the role you'd like in her life.
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I would put the ball in her court by telling her that she needs to clear her emotional slate. Once that's done, she can then come to you. In the interim, move on. Putting all your eggs in one basket, where the basket is leaky, isn't a smart move.
You'reasian Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Putting all your eggs in one basket, where the basket is leaky, isn't a smart move. Exactly why I recommend dating around.
colosseum Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Move on, don't look back, and don't even linger with this one because that lingering is, and what I suspect has been, the reason why you're still in the limbo state. It's tough, but I think in the long term it will help you. The thing is, once you've completely moved on and she has made the right choice, then she'll come running after you. Be aware, but don't let that keep you in a state of limbo--that keeps draining you emotionally. No need for that. My 2 cents.
39388 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 She sounds like trouble. Indescisiveness is not a good thing.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 You're not compatible -- you want a relationship with her, and she isn't ready for a new relationship. How long ago did they finally split up? I'm guessing it was somewhat recently and she is feeling very lonely. She is not over her last relationship (takes a long time to get over a 9-year relationship), but she is used to being with someone and having male attention and someone to talk to. Possibly she has been using you to fill this void. Hence, I suggest moving on. Incidentally, if anything will make her lean more toward wanting you, I will be the lack of your eager and ready availability to be the "maybe" guy. If you moving on has no effect on her, she never really wanted you, anyway. It is the only sensible choice.
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