Woggle Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I have noticed that women who would be quick to dismiss a single man who is very good to them like he were a piece of trash tend to go utterly crazy over a married man. I don't understand the psychology of this. Does the fact that he is somewhat unavailable provide a challenge? Does it start as just a casual affair and then emotions take over? I have noticed in reading these threads from OW that many of them serious man issues and this seems to be a product of it.
ednadean Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 woggle, I can't answer for anyone else obviously...and Ive been involved in an EA. I can say that with me -- it started off as a friendship. I was naive and I felt that a MM was "safe" almost like a gay friend. I treated him thus and we out communication was very intense -- but I never thought it would go anywhere because I always believed his M was rocksolid -- it was the biggest shock to me when I found out a year later that he was actually very unhappy and saw me as a piece of happiness, no doubt due to the attn and the listening that I lavished on him. When I realised that -- we'd already formed a connection. I certaiinly never went chasing after him because I knew he was married -- rather I formed an intense friendship with him because he was married and I thought he was safe -- I would never do that with a single available man because I'd be much more on my guard not to do that if I didn't really like the person. Also, usually, there's a reason why MMs are married -- i.e they're usually good guys, lovely, sweet and charming [hence they've been caught] -- and so they're attractive in that way. Im sure that some OW have issues and deliberately chase after MM -- but I think there are probably many more OW who form innocent friendships first -- and before they know it they're in love/infatuated and proceed onto an EA and then an A.
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 i'm very interested in your theory of misandry (hatred of men, the reverse of misogyny, for those who hadn't heard it before) being the root of women being involved with married men. can you flesh this out a little more? i'm having trouble making the connection.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Theory: Self-loathing is projected upon the sexual object of their competition, another woman. The man is merely an object; irrelevant, other than his symbolism in the dynamic
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Theory: Self-loathing is projected upon the sexual object of their competition, another woman. The man is merely an object; irrelevant, other than his symbolism in the dynamic but how would this be a symptom of misandry? to me this sounds like internalized misogyny - women's hatred of themselves as a result of the inculcated femiphobia of society at large.
Author Woggle Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 I might be wrong but these women probably think that all men are cheating scum who suck the life out of a woman. That being said they still have sexual desires so they date married men to fulfill these desires and they have their guard down since it is all about sex anyway. Despite the fact that they hate men they still have human emotions and they get attached to these men.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 But, as a man, the words and actions I see would, from my perspective, appear as misandry. In my theory, I'm trying to get inside the vagina, so to speak Think about that. Think about the women here who call men (including certain male posters) misogynists. The word is defined from their perspective. It does not speak to the man's internal processes. Oh, well, thank god Friday's almost over
boogieboy Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Its not as complicated as youre making it out to be. Itys simple. Edna said it already. MMs are attractive cuz they're usually good guys, lovely, sweet and charming Some women get addicted to the addition of the challenge. Everyone wants what they cant have.
Reggie Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Not sure about the man hating thing. But, they do seem to be a bitter, judgemental bunch(Yay, I got to use bitter ).
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 woggle and carhill, i'm not really understanding your ideas here. woggle, you are making huge blanket statements about "what women want" - something that you'll have to back up with more individual facts and cases than you're probably willing to deal with in order to hold any water - and carhill i am admittedly mystified by your vagina comment. don't get me wrong, i'm not offended - i think they're great too. but how does that relate to the question? i question anyone who makes judgements on others based on gender and nothing else. i'm as prone to it as anyone else and always grateful when it's pointed out to me. but i'm still not seeing the connection here.
Author Woggle Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Its not as complicated as youre making it out to be. Itys simple. Edna said it already. MMs are attractive cuz they're usually good guys, lovely, sweet and charming Some women get addicted to the addition of the challenge. Everyone wants what they cant have. Con artists usually are very likable and charming on the surface.
marlena Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Woggle, I fail to see the connection. A true misandrist will not have anything to do with men. Most of the ones I know eventually go gay or remain celibate.
Author Woggle Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 They are blanket statements but a cliche becomes a cliche for a reason. I think that many OW fight an internal battle between their misandry and their attraction to a man. Feminists in general try to fight nature and this is how that inner war manifests itself.
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Woggle, I fail to see the connection. A true misandrist will not have anything to do with men. Most of the ones I know eventually go gay or remain celibate. i love your signature quote, marlena. although i think that women who hate men will still involve themselves with men - i have to say this if only because i know plenty of men who hate women who will still involve themselves with women. still don't see the connection, though.
marlena Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Oh, and conversely, would that make every man who has an affair with a MW a misogynist? It doesn't make sense.
Author Woggle Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Plenty of people hate the opposite gender and are still attracted to them.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Can you f*ck with a MM's mind and still remain celibate? IME, yes Also, regarding another post, MM's run the gamut. There's no corner on the good man market just because of that gold band. Some are aholes. Some are con artists. Some are good. Some are misguided, as I was. Misandry didn't help
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 They are blanket statements but a cliche becomes a cliche for a reason. I think that many OW fight an internal battle between their misandry and their attraction to a man. Feminists in general try to fight nature and this is how that inner war manifests itself. wow. twice in one night, wog, and in two different threads, you've made me throw up in my mouth. i'm a feminist and i am ALL about nature in general. please, i beg of you, don't start with the feminazi bs cause that don't hold water either. you're just going to end up looking like a cheesebag. seriously. this is said with love, believe it or not.
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Oh, and conversely, would that make every man who has an affair with a MW a misogynist? It doesn't make sense. amen, marlena.
Author Woggle Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Oh, and conversely, would that make every man who has an affair with a MW a misogynist? It doesn't make sense. Some misogynists I know view MW as an easy lay only to have her become attached. Misogynists rarely end up wanting more with a MW than some quick thrills. When a misogynist falls in love it is when he meets a single woman who seems so different than the rest.
marlena Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 i love your signature quote, marlena. although i think that women who hate men will still involve themselves with men - i have to say this if only because i know plenty of men who hate women who will still involve themselves with women. still don't see the connection, though. Thanks, dobler! I like yours too. Of course you are right. Many misandrists and misogynists do continue to have relationships with the opposite sex. Most of these relationships are disastrous. I think we have to draw a line between a true misandrist/misogynist and those people who are just temporarily off the opposite sex due to bitterness usually from past relationships. I think a true miso-anything will stay away from the source of their hatred.
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Some misogynists I know view MW as an easy lay only to have her become attached. Misogynists rarely end up wanting more with a MW than some quick thrills. When a misogynist falls in love it is when he meets a single woman who seems so different than the rest. speaking from personal experience, honey?
Author Woggle Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 wow. twice in one night, wog, and in two different threads, you've made me throw up in my mouth. i'm a feminist and i am ALL about nature in general. please, i beg of you, don't start with the feminazi bs cause that don't hold water either. you're just going to end up looking like a cheesebag. seriously. this is said with love, believe it or not. For the most part it is perfectly natural for men and women to desire each other and pair up but feminism promotes the whole women and bicycle theory that Gloria Steniam preaches. They believe that men are disposable sperm donors and generally frown and men and women falling in love and coupling. Feminists tend to keep men at arms length because of this belief but when they mess around with a married man they forget to put the armor on because the plan all along was just a casual affair. What happens is that natural emotions take over and they fall in love.
Author Woggle Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 speaking from personal experience, honey? I have never been with a MW but my wife did convince me to change my original plan to never commit to another woman again.
dobler33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 For the most part it is perfectly natural for men and women to desire each other and pair up but feminism promotes the whole women and bicycle theory that Gloria Steniam preaches. They believe that men are disposable sperm donors and generally frown and men and women falling in love and coupling. Feminists tend to keep men at arms length because of this belief but when they mess around with a married man they forget to put the armor on because the plan all along was just a casual affair. What happens is that natural emotions take over and they fall in love. yup, there it is. cheesebag. i have to assume that you haven't met a lot of feminists. you wanna be careful when using phrases like "they believe" and "feminists tend". i am lucky enough to be surrounded by feminists - male and female feminists, by the way - and i do not know a single one who subscribes to the ignorant one-dimensional stereotypical blather you're making up here.
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