bac Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I told a guy in 40s that I was too busy to date him anymore. It was more than 1-2 months ago. He vanished into thin air for 1-2 months. It was a casual or FWB thing between us. I thought that it was clear that I was not into him. But today I have received an email from him where he asked me if I missed him and he wanted to see me. It does not make any sense to me why he would write to me smth like that. Maybe he is in a drought and he is sending emails like that to everyone? What is a nice thing to do in the situation like that? Do I need to answer him that I am still busy to date him or it is better do not answer at all? What was he thinking?
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Friends miss each other and like getting together once in awhile to catch up. You yourself said you were friends with benefits and that you told him you were going to be busy for a couple months. He heard you. If you had told him directly that you were not interested in continuing FWB or any sort of relationship with him, his reaction might have been different. Mine would have been (black hole)
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Carhill...not a single FWB that I've had actually gave a hoot about me as a friend if sex was not involved. But anyway - I think he's looking for a hook-up, bac. I would just ignore him. I've had guys come out of the woodwork like that and it's just easier to ignore them if you're not interested in EVER hooking up again.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 You make sense, and I've wondered why the word 'friend' is used wrt essentially sport f*cking. I guess it makes the process sound more palatable or something. It's just another part of life I have no concept of. So, OP, rather than a friend checking in, the erstwhile orgasmatron dialed a familiar number. No worries. Treat him just like I treat telemarketers
BentSpine Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I told a guy in 40s that I was too busy to date him anymore.This is obvious. He thinks it was circumstances beyond your control that WAS overwhelming for you AT THE TIME. You didn't make it clear that ending was your choice regardless of anything else. He doesn't get any hints that you think you're giving. He takes your words at face value. What is a nice thing to do in the situation like that? Do I need to answer him that I am still busy to date him or it is better do not answer at all?If you want to make him feel like a human being, do reply. But by now I hope you realise that saying 'too busy' doesn't make him think your hiatus is anything else then temporary. I would say something along: 'We have parted ways and I like it that way. Hope you find another woman soon.'
Author bac Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 I don think that men do not understand what being busy means in this context. They are not so naive. When I told him that I was so busy, he actually answered me smth like 'I hope you are so happy with your new man'.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 That's a saving face line, IME. "I understand. I enjoyed our time together" would be a more enlightened and honest conveyance. But, then again, he did call in a few months
BentSpine Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I don think that men do not understand what being busy means in this context.Well I'm a man and I cannot believe that there is a woman who would choose to say one thing when she actually means something else. There can't possibly be that illogical a woman. I think your guy decided to find out if you had changed your mind.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Yes, because we all know, with each new moment, there is that changing of the mind. My initial response was the instinctive one, based on my socialization that people mean what they say......guess I better go smack my mother around for that one
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