mortensorchid Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 If you have read my previous thread, the tutor called me as he said he would. We had met on a Wednesday evening, then on Thursday evening he called me but I did not get the message until Friday morning (my phone ran out of juice and I had to charge it overnight to get all features functional). His message said that he was glad we had met, he was on his way home from a class (once again, this was Thursday evening), and he hoped we would be able to get together this weekend. The problem? Well there is no real problem, but this just happens to be party season here in town. I have a very active social life, we are PARTYING for many weeks now just about every weekend. The earliest I can return the call is on Sunday. I am not, repeat NOT playing hard to get here like the girls in The Rules say. I am in the midst of partying and will not have time to call him back. Would a man be offended if I waited that long to call him back? Then again, isn't that what The Rules say to do? Ha ha ha ...
BobSacamento Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 It depends how far in dating you are. If it's still early then I see no problem. He's probably partying himself lol.
start-fresh Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Huh? You can't find five minutes to call him back until two days later because it's party season? And you're posting on a message board about relationships at almost midnight on a Friday night? Something doesn't check out here. If a girl told me she didn't call me back because she was partying all weekend long, I wouldn't be impressed.
BobSacamento Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Face it Amistad -The week is best for dating. The weekend is best for meeting new people. She doesn't want to call him and say "Oh I can't do anything this weekend because I want to party." It's a good plan. She doesn't lie and she can see if he has any patience.
Ronni_W Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I agree that there is no problem...for you. What I'm reading is that HE has a big problem in that you are relegating him to...what? "Non-party" guy? "Good enough for when I have nothing better to do" guy? For sure you don't have a problem now. But you will...when somebody decides to perceive and treat you this way. "Ha ha ha" -- I trust you will remember to find it funny then, too
Author mortensorchid Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 I agree that there is no problem...for you. What I'm reading is that HE has a big problem in that you are relegating him to...what? "Non-party" guy? "Good enough for when I have nothing better to do" guy? For sure you don't have a problem now. But you will...when somebody decides to perceive and treat you this way. "Ha ha ha" -- I trust you will remember to find it funny then, too Oh yeah, there is that as well. I seem to remember him saying that he didn't have too much of a social life. Well, he'll just have to wait, I'm busy.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Would a man be offended if I waited that long to call him back? In an established platonic friendship, no. In a budding romance, I'd be looking at the next prospect. Ignore me at your own peril
xpaperxcutx Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Oh yeah, there is that as well. I seem to remember him saying that he didn't have too much of a social life. Well, he'll just have to wait, I'm busy. :laugh: Spoken... eh I mean written like a true woman who doesn't need to wait for a man. I like your attitude.
EddieN Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I don't really get this. I agree with Amistad, you can't find a few minutes to call him? Why not call and say, "I'm busy this weekend, but I'm free during the week at..." You were waiting for his call and he pulled through for you. Now you're going to make him wait? Sounds like game playing to me, even though you said it isn't. And how old are you?
boogieboy Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Oh yeah, there is that as well. I seem to remember him saying that he didn't have too much of a social life. Well, he'll just have to wait, I'm busy. Youre basically belittling him because he isnt as "busy" as you, this is already over in 3 months.
EddieN Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 :laugh: Spoken... eh I mean written like a true woman who doesn't need to wait for a man. I like your attitude. If a man said the same thing I'd say he was being a moron. Like, if she doesn't like the guy that's totally cool, but she made a thread pondering over when the guy was gonna call, so she had to have been interested a bit. He ended up calling like he said he would, and when she finds out that he did indeed call, she decides to put him in the back of her plans? Come on, if that isn't game playing then I don't know what is.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 If a man said the same thing I'd say he was being a moron. Like, if she doesn't like the guy that's totally cool, but she made a thread pondering over when the guy was gonna call, so she had to have been interested a bit. He ended up calling like he said he would, and when she finds out that he did indeed call, she decides to put him in the back of her plans? Come on, if that isn't game playing then I don't know what is. The point is that the initial stage of dating should be carefree, if mortensorchid is happy with replying on Sunday, then I'll just have to be happy for her. I don't think she intentionally wants to play games, at least it won't make her desperate like she wants to hurriedly make a date with him. As long as she gets back to him, then what's the rush?
BobSacamento Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 If she wants to weed out clingy guys, like I suspect, this is a perfectly good way of doing things.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 It's also a great way to get rid of gentlemen who command respect in their dealings
prettybaby Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Why even bother dating the guy? I haven't read your previous threads, so I'm not sure about the whole background situation, but you two sound like you're not on the same page at all. You don't even sound that in love with him. He sounds like a fun entertainment to you, at best. Something you don't mind squeezing in between your partying, but that shouldn't interfere with your life when you decide so. If you're looking to build a solid relationship with this guy, then you seem to be on the wrong path here. You're telling us you won't have time for two days straight to call him for 5min or even send him a quick text? Don't kid yourself.
Ronni_W Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 It's also a great way to get rid of gentlemen who command respect in their dealings Indeed it is! Thing is, this guy has already relayed that he is closer to desperate than not (doesn't "have too much of a social life") and such a message can ALWAYS be used against the one who is idiot enough to convey it. Hopefully he will live and learn.
carhill Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I read the prior threads to try to gain inference wrt the guy's lack of social life but such was in vain. Is this the 34yo guy? Or another tutor? If it is the 34yo, he may not be a part of the same "partying" scene that the OP is, though I'm not sure I'd construe that as lack of a social life. Anyway, he had called and left a message, specifically suggesting ('hoping' was the word he used) that they get together this weekend. A simple yes or no response should suffice. He's a big boy. IMO, when things start off this way, they may go somewhere but there will be many chuckholes along the way. Lack of clear communication is a real negative.
EddieN Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Indeed it is! Thing is, this guy has already relayed that he is closer to desperate than not (doesn't "have too much of a social life") and such a message can ALWAYS be used against the one who is idiot enough to convey it. Hopefully he will live and learn. Not going out to get hammered every weekend doesn't mean you lack a social life. I usually don't party when I'm at school because I have other, more productive obligations on the weekend. Does that make me a loser? Hell no. I see what you're saying though, and you're right. I wouldn't say that I lack a social life since it can and will be misinterpreted by girls as being "closer to desperate," when in reality it's the opposite - I don't go out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights because I need a good night's rest and can't have the hangover for practice at 6:30 the following morning. This guy could very well be in a similar situation as I am, and if he is then he's far from desperate...he's just above partying like dumbass college people.
You'reasian Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 The problem? Well there is no real problem, but this just happens to be party season here in town. I have a very active social life, we are PARTYING for many weeks now just about every weekend. The earliest I can return the call is on Sunday. I am not, repeat NOT playing hard to get here like the girls in The Rules say. I am in the midst of partying and will not have time to call him back. Would a man be offended if I waited that long to call him back? Then again, isn't that what The Rules say to do? Ha ha ha ... I think he understands your priorities, is just a patient guy and like yourself is just looking for some good dating.
You'reasian Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Not going out to get hammered every weekend doesn't mean you lack a social life. I usually don't party when I'm at school because I have other, more productive obligations on the weekend. Does that make me a loser? Hell no. I see what you're saying though, and you're right. I wouldn't say that I lack a social life since it can and will be misinterpreted by girls as being "closer to desperate," when in reality it's the opposite - I don't go out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights because I need a good night's rest and can't have the hangover for practice at 6:30 the following morning. This guy could very well be in a similar situation as I am, and if he is then he's far from desperate...he's just above partying like dumbass college people. Women are allowed to be short-sighted and shallow in dating - its the nature of the beast....dating that is Here's the quick & dirty translation guide for us guys (and ladies take this with a grain of salt, its nothing more than humor) Dressed down, hanging out by yourself = creepy loser Walk in with two attractive women in each arm = must have! Metrosexual looking = hawt Rugged looking = not Spends alot = hot Spends carefully = not Asking girl to dance (w/out buddies nearby) = reject Same guy gets girl on dance floor and shows he can dance = mysterious
torranceshipman Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Well I guess if you aren't interested in him, the silent fade might be best! But if you like him, it's really lame to say you are partying all weekend and don't have time to call! No-one parties so hard that they don't have time to call or text over an entire weekend - if he's a respectful, cool guy he might be put off and think you're a bit of a game player. Whatever happened to just telling a guy you like him?
You'reasian Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 But if you like him, it's really lame to say you are partying all weekend and don't have time to call! No-one parties so hard that they don't have time to call or text over an entire weekend - if he's a respectful, cool guy he might be put off and think you're a bit of a game player. Whatever happened to just telling a guy you like him? Too rational - not emotional enough.
BCCA Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I say if your priorities are partying, go ahead and put him off, but dont be surprised if he returns the favor. If youre going to be upset if you call Sunday, and he doesnt call back until Tuesday-Wednesday, then I think you should return the call sooner. 5 minutes really isnt going to ruin your party weekend, at least it shouldnt. If you dont mind him not returning your call for a couple days, go ahead and wait that long. I honestly dont think youre that interested, though. Ive never known anyone, guy/girl, to put off someone they liked for a couple days while they partied, and expect to resume the pursuit when youre done. Just MHO
Trialbyfire Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 To get respect from a potential partner, you have to learn to give it. If your "schedule" of unimportant things like partying, trump being respectful to the guy, he's better off finding himself someone who wants a viable relationship.
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