ladydesigner Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Just curious as to how many here have been able to keep a friendship with their OM/OW and how has that helped or hurt you? Is it really possible to remain friends or not a possibility at all? Thanks!!
surgngnl Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I was friends with mine until just recently when I finally really owned up to the fact that being "friends" wasn't good for me because I was, in fact, still in love with him. To add to the question, I wonder, out of the ones who are still friends, is your previus OP/now friend still married?
Destiny28 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 You can NEVER be "just" friends with the OP. How could you resort back to that and continue a friendship after exposing attraction towards one another? You just can't.... The OP is DEAD to you after ending an A. They no longer exist! I think your feelings would definately get in the way if you tried to remain friends. It's NOT possible or realistic!
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I was only 'friends' with the OM I was involved with for as long as I was interested in sleeping with them. Once I was over that, there was no point in having them hang around. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking that MM/MW is your friend, unless you had a previous established platonic friendship for a number of years that you can fall back on after the sex is over. If your 'friendship' started in an affair setting, then you were never really friends. Why? Because people like me and nearly ever other MM/MW out there weren't interested in your friendship to begin with, except for it being the thing that opened the door to sex/passion/etc. Once the sex/passion/etc. is done - there is nothing to fall back on. Now, are 100% of every MM/MW like that? Nah. Just 99.999999999% of them. Is it worth it to find out if they are that microscopic exception? Nope. Once the affair is over, walk away. You'll be glad you did. You won't be closing the door on a friendship. You'll be closing the door on an affair. Big difference.
jj33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I was in same position as surgngnl I insisted that we were friends for the past 2 years. It killed me alot of the time. Although we insisted it was all business, it was really a disguised emotional affair. And it was very very painful. There is no real friendship. Do you really want to hear about the MMs life? His children his W? What they do on the weekends? Their vacations? No. You want the emotional intimacy and comraderie you shared during the affair. Two very different things. Dont make the mistake I made. Cut the cord now.
Heather1 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 purgatory. My last few emails I received from OM he let me know he & his W were going on vacation???? So in my friendly way I replied,"have a great time," etc.. Any other reply would mean I'm some crazy person who can't handle wanting the best for him. I wondered why he did that, and now I'm convinced it's so I wouldn't email him while he was gone (which I haven't done anyway - he contacts me). Yeah, I want the best for him.....but do I really need to know about the private jet rides with the family twice a month?? "how cool" "have a great time!" "hope you & W reconnect" What do I really want to say??? "you're killing me" I've turned into the relationship/life therapist for him & under the friend umbrella can't tell him how I feel anymore. Can't say I don't deserve this, I just wish it was the other way around & I was the one w/ less feelings. I'm putting up a great front.....and I cry all the time.
jj33 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 So Heather why are you continuing to do it? If you are crying all the time why put yourself in that situation? They want us to believe we HAVE to do that to ourselves that somehow its a fatal flaw if we cant continue the friendship. But its not.
Heather1 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Because the whole NC drama was driving me insane too!! I just want to silently take my ball & bat and go home, without the drama, and let it just fade away. Part of the crying is the wave of funerals I've been going to. I think I need a cheery suitcase & get rid of the black one that's depressing me.
MizzBlue72 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Yeah - in my situation, not possible. Ok - I think. I still hurt, and I still love him. He made it clear that he is NOT leaving (which I never asked for) but my story is like every other on here. I can continue to sleep with hi, and I can continue to fall, but he doesn't. And he says that of course, he wants to be friends - but I feel the same. If there is no sex involved, and we were not friends prior, there is no reason to keep the friendship. I guess I am tired of being second too.
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