My first love dumped me and broke my heart.. I miss her and want her back!

[johnsmitty3000]

Hi. My first love dumped me a week ago. We were together for over 8 months. It was bliss. But when summer came around she started getting cold and distant. I didn't know what to do. When she dumped me she said she didn't want a boyfriend right now and she just wanted to have fun. She said that she wanted me to remain a part of her life and stay friends. My emotions forced me to agree. I'm in so much pain. She is already "with" another guy. One of her sisters friends. They've obviously been "talking" for a while. She does all the stuff she used to do with me with him like always being around him and constantly texting, talking on the phone, all the honeymoon stage stuff. She's already gone to the beach and the lake with him. He stays at her house till midnight like I used to. They're going camping next weekend. All of these activities are going to bond them so much more. I do know the real reason she dumped me. This was my first serious relationship. I was much too jealous and controlling. I made mistakes and my jealousy was stupid and at times extreme. But I did these things because I thought I was losing her. Very insecure and counter-productive I know. Also I wanted to be around her always because just being in her company brought me joy. I adore her. I know it appears I was needy and clingy and insecure. I'm self aware of all this now, I know how not to act in a relationship and I know we could have something amazing, because my jealousy was our only issue. The realization was late, but I believe I can overcome my faults since I know what went wrong. How can I show her that I can change and not be that way anymore if we're not together? She's 19, I'm 22. Another thing that drives me nuts is that she wants me to date other girls. How could she be over me that fast? And lose all interest in me? How can I bring out the feelings she had for me in the beginning if she's with somebody right now? How can I bring what we had back? I've told her that I'm okay with the break and that we need space and that of course we should be friends (both untrue). But I don't want to be doomed to the friend zone. I also don't want to lose her from my life. I know I should fall back for awhile and hope she misses me because I can't compete with the honeymoon stage feelings right now. She's not thinking of me because she's feeling this guy. How long till she thinks of me again? I know I have to improve my life for me and make it so my world doesn't revolve around a girl, but instead leave a place for a girl to be a part of it. I want that to be her. I miss her every morning when I wake up. I want her to realize that we can be great again. I'm madly in love with her and I just want my baby back.. What should I do? Thank you all..

[johnsmitty3000]

Here are some more random thoughts and details I've found out. First off, when she broke up with me she said she wanted to be friends. The other day she told me it doesn't feel like we are friends and that we have nothing in common or anything to talk about. And this new guy is always at her house till past midnight and she goes to his house all the time too. She seems genuinely infatuated and into this guy like she acted towards me in the beginning of our relationship (breaks my heart even more). They have all kinds of future plans for the summer. Going to the beach, the lake, camping, parties, Vegas, Hawaii.. All the stuff she should have and would have been doing with me. The last day I saw her she acted indifferent towards me like we never had met before and had any history. I basically found out she is "intimate" with this guy already! What the F! I'm feeling strong feelings of disappointment. How could this girl I was with for 8 months and in love with do these things & this quickly! She is not gonna take classes this summer and she'll be spending all her time with this guy, who I've seen and I absolutely know I'm better than him.. But she told me she didn't want to be with anyone..? I'm in a state of shock and as I said disappointment.. Wow.. How could she do this..? And I still want her back!!

[Mike B.]

I am sorry to here about your situation but I couldn't read much of it. The wall of text format makes it sort of difficult to tackle. Maybe you can break the posts into paragraphs and post it again below. This way, it an much easier read for others.

[Thomas X Forever]

This girl is flaky, wears her heart on her sleeve, is more needy than you by far, etc.

 

You want to know what you should really do?

 

Tell her she's a horrible person. Tell her she ripped your heart out, shes a flake, she is a nut, and you feel bad for the guy that she currently has her talons in.

 

Seriously. This girl doesn't care about you. Don't be afraid to rip her apart.

[carhill]

OP, monkey-branch women (and men) seemingly move from R to R effortlessly; that's because they're detaching from one branch and attaching to another during the existing R's. With a branch firmly in grip and their egos boosted, they can let go of the prior branch with little emotion or regret. The boost of the new branch quickly diverts their attention and they are off to another exciting honeymoon period until the next branch comes along.

 

Some people live their whole lives this way, generally dying alone. At some point, people get tired of such behaviors and abandon the monkey....

 

Go NC, heal yourself and date other young ladies. Life is short

[Mike B.]

OP, monkey-branch women (and men) seemingly move from R to R effortlessly; that's because they're detaching from one branch and attaching to another during the existing R's. With a branch firmly in grip and their egos boosted, they can let go of the prior branch with little emotion or regret. The boost of the new branch quickly diverts their attention and they are off to another exciting honeymoon period until the next branch comes along.

 

Some people live their whole lives this way, generally dying alone. At some point, people get tired of such behaviors and abandon the monkey....

 

Go NC, heal yourself and date other young ladies. Life is short

 

Yep, the whole monkey swing thing, With no offense towards the ladies, tends to me more of a strategy for women. Men simply try to have their cake and eat it too. In other words, they just try to hold onto both branches as long as they can and will only let go of either when they "must." Because of this, women tend to not show much emotion when it comes to tossing you aside at that particular time and may show more emotion or concern later.

[Mike B.]

This girl is flaky, wears her heart on her sleeve, is more needy than you by far, etc.

 

You want to know what you should really do?

 

Tell her she's a horrible person. Tell her she ripped your heart out, shes a flake, she is a nut, and you feel bad for the guy that she currently has her talons in.

 

Seriously. This girl doesn't care about you. Don't be afraid to rip her apart.

 

 

I find that doing this help the one that ended the relationship justify getting rid of you and helps them to feel better about. They will tell their new lover "see, I told you that he was crazy!" She will tell all of her friends how "crazy" you are acting and make you out to be the bad guy.

 

You don't want to be the crazy ex. It would make the ex feel better.

 

I believe just not contacting them anymore will have them wondering about you and how they treated you in the end. They begin to wonder themselves how could you get over them so easily and move on. I really think it is your best defense.

[NopeNah]

I find that doing this help the one that ended the relationship justify getting rid of you and helps them to feel better about. They will tell their new lover "see, I told you that he was crazy!" She will tell all of her friends how "crazy" you are acting and make you out to be the bad guy.

 

You don't want to be the crazy ex. It would make the ex feel better.

 

I believe just not contacting them anymore will have them wondering about you and how they treated you in the end. They begin to wonder themselves how could you get over them so easily and move on. I really think it is your best defense.

Exactly! There's no reason to "rip her apart" showing you're done, will do just that, without looking like a fool! Go no contact on her for awhile..2weeks,month,forever(best bet!). Theres plenty out there that won't play these games and you're young! I was married, with a kid, going thru a divorce at your age..haha! Chin up, head high! It'll be just fine!