BCCA Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I'll be the first to admit that I did not like NC, and tried like crazy to find reasons not to do it. I would overanalyze any and every thing my ex said or did, and had some silly thought in the back of my mind that one day, she would come back. But after a while, I just couldnt do it any more. I just couldnt even look at her or the relationship the same, it hurt to much. I didnt want to admit it was over for good, but I also didnt want to watch her go on and fall for someone else, knowing that she would leave me in the cold when she did. Whats funny is that I only actually ignored 1 text. But not responding was hard. 6 minutes was rough, 6 hours no better, 6 days really hard...but here I am, 6+ MONTHS later, and I havent given in. She hasnt sent me anything either, but thats not what matters. What matters is that by putting distanct between us and the relationship, Ive not only gained perspective, Ive taken my self esteem back. Ive proven to myself that I dont need her, and in the process, have shown her that what she put me through was inexcusable and I wasnt going to give her anything anymore. Before you go out and think 'well you must be a strong person', Im not, or at least, I wasnt. I litterally wanted to die when this girl left me, and I didnt eat, sleep, or do much but stare at the wall of my apartment in mourning for weeks. Along the way, I found this site, and started to notice how the advice I didnt want to believe before seemed to hold true not just for me, but for every single person in the same situation. Eventually, I saw the light. I realized that people dont walk away from people they see value in, and so also that someone leaving you isnt the end of the world. I still smile, I still enjoy life, and I still feel like Im a great catch, just me and her werent meant to be. Trust me friends, once you decide that you need to get over it, and stick to NC without fail, you will be better. If I can do it, anyone else can.
gorgio Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Good job! This is inspiring, and the longer I am in NC, even though it's tough, the more I realize that it is the only way to go.
Mike B. Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Good job, BCCA! I vaguely recall how difficult it was for you several months back and read into some obvious fresh wound you had. You would make a post that was very insightful yet would show that cynicism from those fresh open wounds in another. I bet you couldn't see yourself at the point you are now. We all couldn't. That first few days is the roughest. We can't imagine ourselves progressing. The simple but not always easy initiation of no contact is a huge step that pays off so well. Along with time, you got a good recipe for healing relatively quick. The first step is no contact and you have to be strong and stick too it! So everyone out there who hasn't bought into, take heed to these testimonials. It may seem impossible but it can be done and soon enough, you will realize that the pain has significantly dulled or has even left.
Exit Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Yup I'm one of the ones who didn't believe in NC at first too. Now looking back I see it would have made more sense than all the talking and reasoning I tried to do. Sometimes you just CAN'T understand the advice you're being given. When someone leaves you it sucks, it's like watching a stack of papers fall over and having people tell you not to try to stop it. When you're the type of person who likes to fix problems, it makes absolutely no sense not to try talking to the person. But sooner or later you'll accept it. The smart ones understand to do NC right away. The rest of us learn the hard way.
LostInLimbo Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I was another one of really being weary of the NC rule, but what I went through and broke the NC rule, it made me more confused and more hurt emotionally, then I thought to myself, do I want this pain for a little while? or do Iwant to feel this way for the rest of my life... LiL
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