Island Girl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Oh please. People get married because alot of the time it's what is expected at that point in their lives. Don't be dramatic and think it is meant to be forever every single time. Divorce happens! Yep. I did it. Bought in because I was 27 and thought "I am not getting any younger - all my friends have married and he loves me - maybe I am incapable of that kind of love and this is as much as I can feel so I may as well... MISTAKE. My husband did the same thing but for him it was expected in his country that you get married at a certain age and everybody does. Some are arranged. Some aren't. MISTAKE for him too. Sometimes people just focus on the getting married part instead of what marriage will be after. I still see this happening in some cases. It's sad but true.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Yes, I got married for that reason, and so did my MM. He was in one relationship for 4 years, she left him, and within two months he met his W and married her within 2-3 years. He was only 24 when he got married. Now he is trying to leave her. His big struggle was doing what people think he should do (stay in an unhappy marriage, and have kids) or be happy, which could potentially mean never having kids (but still possibly) and being happier than he has ever been, whether that's with me or someone else in his future. I lived with my parents until I was 26 and got married. Before my H I was in a relationship with someone for almost 6 years (from age 16). It's just what you were expected to do back then.
Island Girl Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Now he is trying to leave her. His big struggle was doing what people think he should do (stay in an unhappy marriage, and have kids) or be happy, which could potentially mean never having kids (but still possibly) and being happier than he has ever been, whether that's with me or someone else in his future. My husband had the same conundrum. His culture dictates that if a man files for divorce then fault is placed squarely on the shoulders of the wife. And his religion also frowned on divorce for any reason but he didn't care -- she did so she refused to file for a while. In the end he just got to the point where he just wanted it done and over with so he went to the bishop and got church approval for the divorce.
tami-chan Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Shame how we, women, are doing this to one another. Women are not the only one "doing it to each other"..men do it, too.... Getting married and being married no longer means forever, not because we do not want it to be forever, but because there are options now on what to do if or when we are unhappy or dissatisfied. Long time ago, divorce was not acceptable and having an affair was a "mortal" sin...not so now....it's one of those things that happen in a relationship...you win some, you lose some.. Still i won't stop trying to have that loving "forever" marriages....
Holding-On Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 :eek:You're kidding right. No it doesn't make sense. How the sam hell does a married person have a bf/gf? It is contradictory to the meaning of being married and implies the brain function of a hormonal teenager. We are talking about adults in marriages with families. That should mean at least a minimium level of maturity and rational thought. Your statement says, I can't get all the candy I want at home so let me go get it from the little girl down the street. Anyone who has every had children and watch them mature and grow, will see this same type of reasoning in teens. This is the bf I go to the movies with, this is the bf I go to the mall with, this is the bf that I take to all important functions. This crap shouldn't be happining with people who are married. Clearly you disagree with the poster but frankly I fail to see how this type of relationship strategy is not "rational". My wife likes the ballet. My friend Frank likes the monster truck shows. My friend Janet likes soccer matches. So I go those events with people who enjoy them. Seems rational to me.
bentnotbroken Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Clearly you disagree with the poster but frankly I fail to see how this type of relationship strategy is not "rational". My wife likes the ballet. My friend Frank likes the monster truck shows. My friend Janet likes soccer matches. So I go those events with people who enjoy them. Seems rational to me. You are talking about friendships, not marriage. So if you can compare the two, that is irrational to me. How many extra wives/gf(that you are also having sex with)do you have? If you only have one then you get my point. If you have more than one, you are justifying like the poster I responded to because they are in an A.
tami-chan Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 The heart (brain) has a huge capacity to love, and love deeply more than one person. Society has imposed on us to be faithful and true to ONE. It makes sense, there is more order and it makes governing easier.
hopesndreams Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Why would you even want him back?? When I figure that out I'll let you know.
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