bubbleskeeps023 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 or just having the ow fills the things wifes ought to do?
Gamine Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 The truth is that if he loved the OW she'd be his #1 and not the OW any longer. Can a MM love the OW. Yes. But if he does, he'll give her the respect and commitment that is implicit within the word 'love'. Anything short of that is just a cake eater in action. And honestly, when my husband had his 'affair' with the OMW he did not intend upon making her his #1. Hence why they are not together now. And, I don't believe that men have affairs because the 'wife' isn't giving them what they need. They can sometimes just enjoy having it all. Everything they need and want at home... and everything they need and want with another woman to add variety. Of course, some men 'believe' they are hostages in a marriage. But honestly I think that is just them being full of BS.
hopesndreams Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 In the case of my H and his MOW, he believed that he loved her. He couldn't decide between her and I, so I made the choice for him. He left and has been with her a month and never, ever leaves me alone. Which is fine with me because I still love him. He's remorseful, wants to come back home and in time, he will.
bentnotbroken Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 or just having the ow fills the things wifes ought to do? :confused:What is it a wife is supposed to do, do tell? Are you married? Anything is possible. It is possible that he loves OW. It is possible that he has at least one honest bone in his body. And it is possible that eh ***** won't hit the fan and everyone gets hurt.
Trimmer Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 or just having the ow fills the things wifes ought to do? You can't generalize from such a simplistic question. Anything is possible, but that's an answer that is as useless as it is general. If you're asking "Is there a chance that my OM loves me," then you need to provide more information.
GreenEyedLady Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Of course it's possible. Probable, even. Ill-fated, a majority of the time. But in my case, he loved me enough to do what he needed to do.
White Flower Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 The truth is that if he loved the OW she'd be his #1 and not the OW any longer. Can a MM love the OW. Yes. But if he does, he'll give her the respect and commitment that is implicit within the word 'love'. Anything short of that is just a cake eater in action. And honestly, when my husband had his 'affair' with the OMW he did not intend upon making her his #1. Hence why they are not together now. And, I don't believe that men have affairs because the 'wife' isn't giving them what they need. They can sometimes just enjoy having it all. Everything they need and want at home... and everything they need and want with another woman to add variety. Of course, some men 'believe' they are hostages in a marriage. But honestly I think that is just them being full of BS. I must second this post. It makes sense from the OWs side as well.
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 He may love you alot, but he loves HIMSELF more. He is inlove with the new feelings, that intensity..That is why affairs are so addictive.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Here's a different philosophy I came up with. So, a MM fools around and falls for an OW. Why does he have to "love" her in the sense that he must make her #1 in order to leave his marriage? He is unhappy in his marriage, and most MM's convince themselves that they are not leaving for the OW, they are leaving because they're unhappy. So, now he leaves, and is dating the OW. Why does it have to be a love relationship? Why can't they just be bf and gf for a while? If the OW wants more, maybe she leaves to find more, or he leaves because he can't give her more. But if she just wanted him as her bf, it's all fine and dandy, but it doesn't have to be a replacement for everything that was missing in the marriage, just an alternative. A new lifestyle. It might grow into love, or they might grow apart. Make sense?
bentnotbroken Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Here's a different philosophy I came up with. So, a MM fools around and falls for an OW. Why does he have to "love" her in the sense that he must make her #1 in order to leave his marriage? He is unhappy in his marriage, and most MM's convince themselves that they are not leaving for the OW, they are leaving because they're unhappy. So, now he leaves, and is dating the OW. Why does it have to be a love relationship? Why can't they just be bf and gf for a while? If the OW wants more, maybe she leaves to find more, or he leaves because he can't give her more. But if she just wanted him as her bf, it's all fine and dandy, but it doesn't have to be a replacement for everything that was missing in the marriage, just an alternative. A new lifestyle. It might grow into love, or they might grow apart. Make sense? :eek:You're kidding right. No it doesn't make sense. How the sam hell does a married person have a bf/gf? It is contradictory to the meaning of being married and implies the brain function of a hormonal teenager. We are talking about adults in marriages with families. That should mean at least a minimium level of maturity and rational thought. Your statement says, I can't get all the candy I want at home so let me go get it from the little girl down the street. Anyone who has every had children and watch them mature and grow, will see this same type of reasoning in teens. This is the bf I go to the movies with, this is the bf I go to the mall with, this is the bf that I take to all important functions. This crap shouldn't be happining with people who are married.
MizzBlue72 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Oh - it's funny, and I asked my OM this. And no - he is 'fond' of me, but made it COMPLETELY clear that he will never ever leave his situation and it went from hundreds of reasons it would never work with me to millions. Yeah - truth hurts, but I needed to hear that. So - sometimes I wish he would choke on it .... other times I wish I would ... IF YOU WANT TO ANSWER FROM YOUR MAN - ASK HIM. HE MAY TELL YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO HEAR - THAT HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU.
Awesome84 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 In the case of my H and his MOW, he believed that he loved her. He couldn't decide between her and I, so I made the choice for him. He left and has been with her a month and never, ever leaves me alone. Which is fine with me because I still love him. He's remorseful, wants to come back home and in time, he will. Why would you even want him back??
NoIDidn't Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Here's a different philosophy I came up with. So, a MM fools around and falls for an OW. Why does he have to "love" her in the sense that he must make her #1 in order to leave his marriage? He is unhappy in his marriage, and most MM's convince themselves that they are not leaving for the OW, they are leaving because they're unhappy. So, now he leaves, and is dating the OW. Why does it have to be a love relationship? Why can't they just be bf and gf for a while? If the OW wants more, maybe she leaves to find more, or he leaves because he can't give her more. But if she just wanted him as her bf, it's all fine and dandy, but it doesn't have to be a replacement for everything that was missing in the marriage, just an alternative. A new lifestyle. It might grow into love, or they might grow apart. Make sense? It makes no sense at all. Why in the world would a MM leave a "love" relationship for a "loveless" one? Even BF/GFs love each other. The idea that love isn't a part of it borders on dumb. Sorry. Your view sounds very much that of a serial cheating MW. Not looking for love, but certainly willing to take it until the OM gets fed up with wanting more and not getting it.
tami-chan Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Of course it is possible...why wouldnt it be? My xOM is in love with me...and wants to marry me..his divorce will be final soon.
Meaplus3 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Sure it's possible but, the fact of the matter is the dude is married. Mea:)
Shygirl15 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I also believe it's very possible but the wives are usually in denial. I'm totally against dating MM though. I can't bear the thought of putting another woman through sufferings, and also the children.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Well in my case the MM has no children. But, just saying, there is no love left in his marriage. So he is leaving her, soon. Yes I know, nothing is guaranteed, and until he leaves, I still have the walls up...BUT...... when he leaves, I am not putting any pressure on him to be in a committed relationship with me. He just left his wife. Why would i expect him to move to that level with me for God's sake! That's what I'm saying. He will be done with her, and we will let our relationship grow, and if it's not meant to be, why put that extra pressure on ourselves? I've been through this. I know what it's like to come out of a loveless marriage and start dating again. It's been over 4 years for me. I am ready for another relationship but I know it will take time for my MM to be in the same place I am. Why should I expect him to come running from her arms to mine? Yes, he does love me, and I love him too. Timing and patience mean alot in our case and we have to play our cards right. That's all.
Shygirl15 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 A man who is willing to leave the woman he loved to the point he married her, for another woman is not to be trusted. Shame how we, women, are doing this to one another.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Oh please. People get married because alot of the time it's what is expected at that point in their lives. Don't be dramatic and think it is meant to be forever every single time. Divorce happens!
NoIDidn't Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Oh please. People get married because alot of the time it's what is expected at that point in their lives. Don't be dramatic and think it is meant to be forever every single time. Divorce happens! Projection because of your situation, maybe? What does the MWC stand for? I'm curious, because I keep coming up with married women cheat (a member from another forum, sorry, not a dig).
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Oh please. People get married because alot of the time it's what is expected at that point in their lives. This is pure crap now a-days. People are MUCH more selfish and it'a all about ME ME ME. This day and age (unless it's an arranaged marriage) most don't marry because of pressure, they marry because they WANT to. *I always thought MWC, meant married with children.
NoIDidn't Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 *I always thought MWC, meant married with children. Thanks. I was really trying to come up with something else. But another poster at another site had that name. But he was a guy and I know MWC here is a woman. LOL. I was just curious. Wonder what she will say it means?
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 When I first signed up about 5 yrs ago, my username was MomWifeCheater, but then my marriage ended, and I was no longer a wife, so I had it changed to MWC_Lifebeginsat40. Anyway,,,, the marriages that are breaking up now, 10+ years, is what i meant. Today, yes, some people are waiting, and being sure it's love, so they're not 20 yrs old anymore, they are 30+. I married because I was ready to be married, and I was with someone I felt was compatible. It was comfortable (too comfortable) and I feel that I "settled". So it ended, and I am happier than I was in the last 5+ years of marriage (13 yrs total).
Shygirl15 Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Oh please. People get married because alot of the time it's what is expected at that point in their lives. Married Woman with Children, is that what he told you as to why he married his wife? You are not that naive, are you?
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