BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Something really hit me today folks....a breakthrough I really want to send this to my ex. For those of you who know my story. Please advise. I want my power back. I want MY life back. Im not going to allow myself to be walked on as I have been post breakup. I look like a wuss!! Why the hell did I give her all the power, time after time, trying to win her back....im now unavailable, i no longer want her, for what to me is the forseable future, and this is why ''Dear ex, Guess what? I realised something today. In fact, I realised a few things. Seeing as you have decided to fire some home-truths, I thought I would honor that by reciprocating. Your inability to communicate with me was what, ultimately on your part, lead to our demise. And we have talked about this many, many times before. You just cant communicate! Look how long it took to get some decent answers from you even AFTER we broke up...2 months! And you put it all down to me trapping you!! Sure, I have my own issues, but I always told you about them and tried to work through it. I told you every issue I had with the relationship and how you made me feel insecure, and you made VERY LITTLE effort to fix them. Contrary to what you thought you DID do. You ended up trapping yourself to try and help with my insecurities. That is not a fix, that is a mask. There is me thinking 'poor me', when all along, it's actually poor YOU! Poor me for not acting on this sooner, I did try to talk to you about it, and you did say you would work on it. BUT GUESS WHAT? you didnt! The way it comes across- You see me as the one in the wrong, like you are all knowing, all powerful and that Im young and 'have a lot to learn' Oh Beautifully, messy ex, It is YOU who has a lot to learn. Sure I do too, but for you...when you FACE YOUR MISTAKES, YOUR ISSUES that led to this demise....well lets just say that I hope for your sake you do and your learn from them. If you had told me what the problems were and how YOU wanted to reslove them, we could have adjusted more. You could have had your 'precious freedom' But you just cant communicate your feelings! Even after we broke up, you still couldnt communicate your feelings. Im only truly aware of this today, and it has been a LONG term issue, you know this. So get off your high horse, for gods sake tone down your ego a bit, a lot of people notice it, REALLY look at yourself. What could YOU HAVE DONE? what could you have done to make it work? When you see that: a)your inability to communicate your feelings except the 'I love you/want to grow old with you' kind of feelings could have fixed many issues and stress, insecurity etc If you had told me your concerns and were feeling trapped, why the hell didnt you just say so?! Instead you pretend for god knows how long, that there was nothing wrong. b)That this is not your 'last life on earth' and you feel like you are 'now complete' after your time with me. You ARE NOT all knowing, all loving. This is NOT your last life on this earth. Communication is THE FIRST THING we learn growing up even as children, never mind in your 'last lifetime' on earth. You cant even do that, so how is it going to be your last?! I think this is your FIRST, hence why you have so many issues with yourself. Your lost and confused! Now I see why we cant be together. It is YOUR issues, not my issues. Im just a bit rough around the edges, but I gave you my all, I communicated with you about the issues and the problems. sure I had some money problems, but that is all superficial as you know I will be financially secure very soon. You know why got so angry all the time? You wouldnt communicate with me- Its very frustrating. You just close off and go into your head. You know why you got feeling of being trapped? Because the more you pulled away from communication, the more I wanted to pull you in and talk about it. There was no way we were ever going to work things out. Want to know why I was so insecure? Partly from Claire cheating on me, and partly from you not willing to talk to me and tell me your concerns. Your wanting to party it up and flirt with other guys. Wow...this feels amazing. I have been sitting here for a good few months tearing the ***** out of myself and wondering 'what did I do'.... Now I know I did everything I could, emotionaly. I could have helped out more around the house, and I had money issues for extended periods of time, but thats all just come and go stuff. I realise now that you lacked a fundimental skill of making a brilliant couple, with a lot of potential, even better. Your communication. Imagine how things might have been if you had aired your concerns, instead of stringing me along for so long! I know its not all you at fault here, I have had my part to play too, and I admit that I made some foolish mistakes. This is sent with love. This is sent with what little remains of my respect for you, after all, you did tear my heart out and I probably shouldnt be giving you ANYTHING more. If I can do one more thing before we never see each other again, I want it to be this. This is to help YOU. This is why we cant be together. This is why we are done. I really wish you all the best, and I hope you learn from this. The truth hurts sometimes, but I know its for the best. Lets give up on the 'friends' idea for a good while, you said after everything I put you through, all you have been through, you couldnt do a you and me ever again. Now I see why. with love Good luck SoulBear'' I feel incredible after this, its a big thing for me. Now im thinking about me!! I know she is probably thinking im still here pining over her....
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 If you send this to her or communicate with her in any other way, shape or form, I'm coming to Scotland to beat you up. Then I'll get a good night's sleep, and beat you up again before going back home.
Author BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 your welcome to Scotland! I warn you tho, we eat alot of beef...never eaten Gorilla before.. WHY is this a bad idea? Its the truth!
Nuala83 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Soul, What are your reasons for wanting to send this message? What do you think the outcome will be?
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 No one in a kilt can ever take a guy in chaps. It's like a moral imperative or something. Yes, it may well be the truth, but why the compulsion to share it with her, truth or not? Given your prior communications, and her clear-cut desire for you to for-the-love-of-everything-that's-holy to back the hell off, what do you hope she'll do? "Gosh, you're right. Would you like to get together tomorrow night? I'll bring the KY jelly." You'll get either an even more harshly worded response or a restraining order, and you'll be back at square one emotionally. Do yourself a big favor. Go NC.
Author BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 my reasons are to get my power back, show her im not going to walked on. Show her what she OBVIOUSLY doesnt see about herself, and this has been the biggest issue in our relationship, but she has always dismissed it. as you can see by the above letter. The outcome? I hope it will hit home. I hope it will make her see, eventually that she had it good, and she lost me now. I hope it will help her not make the same mistakes in the future, half hopes it would be with me, maybe in a few years. the other half for her own future.
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 my reasons are to get my power back, show her im not going to walked on. Show her what she OBVIOUSLY doesnt see about herself, and this has been the biggest issue in our relationship, but she has always dismissed it. as you can see by the above letter. The outcome? I hope it will hit home. I hope it will make her see, eventually that she had it good, and she lost me now. I hope it will help her not make the same mistakes in the future, half hopes it would be with me, maybe in a few years. the other half for her own future. Communicating with her is a surrender of power. It is an unmistakable acknowledgement that she still has power over you, mentally and emotionally. And it's not your job or place to educate her. Any self-realizations she'll have will be those she has on her own. At this point, there's a pretty good chance she won't even read it and if she does, she'll reject anything you say out of hand because she's come to feel that you're harrassing her. And you are.
Author BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 No one in a kilt can ever take a guy in chaps. It's like a moral imperative or something. Yes, it may well be the truth, but why the compulsion to share it with her, truth or not? Given your prior communications, and her clear-cut desire for you to for-the-love-of-everything-that's-holy to back the hell off, what do you hope she'll do? "Gosh, you're right. Would you like to get together tomorrow night? I'll bring the KY jelly." You'll get either an even more harshly worded response or a restraining order, and you'll be back at square one emotionally. Do yourself a big favor. Go NC. LOL Another reason I want to send this, is because if it really is NEVER again, and I have NO HOPE, then what have I got to lose? Unless of course, someone can see an inkling of possible something I cant see in the future, then I dont see how this would be a mistake? Its basicly saying, right then, im off, but before I go, take a look at yourself! Sure one day I would like to get back. But she has some issues that after i took her off that pedestal today, i relaised that its not me who is entirely at fault here, and she should take the burden of her part in the outcome too. Clearly, she doesnt remember all this. I now have a REAL reason not to go back into this relationship again. I dont know....how would you feel if you got that?
NopeNah Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 ******Clearly you don't understand how absolutely serious I am about this. It's too late SoulBear. I've long since moved on. I had no freedom in our relationship. None at all. "I" had pretty much ceased to exist. I had become a "we" (at your insistence, might I add). Look I'm sure you have learned an awful lot but after all I've been through I just have no desire whatsoever to give things another go. I changed plenty over the course of our relationship, you barely changed at all. It was so easy for me, leaving you this time. As simple as open the cage door and out I fly. I have felt incredible ever since, rediscovering my precious freedom. I know you've heard all this before but feel it necessary to reiterate it cos you clearly don't understand that because of this I could not have those kind of feelings for you again. If this all sounds like I'm being harsh, then again its cos I feel I have to be in order for you to get the message. And cos it's the god honest truth. I do not want to be with you. Accept and move on. It's all you can do here. It's over, we're done. I'm gone. ****
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I dont know....how would you feel if you got that? I'd be thinking to myself: "what is it going to take for this guy to take a hint?" Seriously.
Nuala83 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 my reasons are to get my power back, show her im not going to walked on. Show her what she OBVIOUSLY doesnt see about herself, and this has been the biggest issue in our relationship, but she has always dismissed it. as you can see by the above letter. The outcome? I hope it will hit home. I hope it will make her see, eventually that she had it good, and she lost me now. I hope it will help her not make the same mistakes in the future, half hopes it would be with me, maybe in a few years. the other half for her own future. I'm sorry to say Soul but I don't think any of these things will happen. You haven't had a possitive response from her so far and this will be no different. She's probably getting fed up of it all by now. If she did have it so good with you she will come to that conclusion on her own and NOT through you telling her. Your email is sooo long winded and it kinda just reinforces this image of you as a jilted ex who can't let go. Not the kinda thing to gain you any "power". Forget about power! Sorry if that sounds harsh. I don't wanna be nasty but your relationship (not a romantic relationship obviously) is deteriorating by the day and any hopes of reconciliation...well, it seems unlikely if you keep behaving this way. Anyways, I know you will send the message regardless of what anyone says but don't say you weren't warned.
Nuala83 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 LOL Another reason I want to send this, is because if it really is NEVER again, and I have NO HOPE, then what have I got to lose? Sure one day I would like to get back. But she has some issues that after i took her off that pedestal today, i relaised that its not me who is entirely at fault here, and she should take the burden of her part in the outcome too. Clearly, she doesnt remember all this. I now have a REAL reason not to go back into this relationship again. I dont know....how would you feel if you got that? Hmm massive contradiction. C'mon Soul y'know you've said all this before. I know how tough it is but you can't keep doing this. You're only making things worse for yourself, not for her. If I received this I'd think you were f***ing nuts. Sorry but it comes across as crazy.
Author BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 Maybe I should save it for conversation, one day when she actually wants to talk about what happened....maybe that would be a better time to bring this up with her.... Its just been a big issue for us. I guess part of me wants to lash out at being rejected again, and saying **** you, ill reject you too. see how that makes you feel in a few months when it settles in.....
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Effing stop it dude... WTF is wrong with you ?... Go back a re-read the last email she sent you over and over again. Do not contact her again
Art_Critic Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Its just been a big issue for us. The only issue she seems to have is that you won't stop contacting her She doesn't have any more issues with you concerning the past.. she said that in her last email to you.. She said she has moved on
NopeNah Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Effing stop it dude... WTF is wrong with you ?... Go back a re-read the last email she sent you over and over again. Do not contact her again I copied it for him a few post up... Leave the lady be. She doesnt want to hear what you have to say or think. This is coming off as stalker'ish behaviour. Goodluck
Nuala83 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Maybe I should save it for conversation, one day when she actually wants to talk about what happened....maybe that would be a better time to bring this up with her.... Its just been a big issue for us. I guess part of me wants to lash out at being rejected again, and saying **** you, ill reject you too. see how that makes you feel in a few months when it settles in..... I know that feeling of wanting to reject the person who rejected you but you can't really. All you can do is gather what's left of your pride and dignity (which may just be shreds by now) and build build build! You wont always feel this way y'know. Try and move on
SweetyBear Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Isn't it enough that you know all those things now and can move on? What possible difference will it make to her what you think about her issues when she's no longer with you? Are you looking for her to acknowledge these flaws that you have pointed out to her? I think by sending this you will just show how hard you've been thinking on it while she is not seemingly concerned at all. It's hard to really let go even when you know it's best and it seems to me that you (like most of us, me included) keep grasping at reasons to communicate with her.
Nuala83 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 This is coming off as stalker'ish behaviour. EXACTLY! sigh It'll all end in tears...not his ex's tears though
Author BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 WTF is wrong with you ?... Im heartbroken ArtCritic. I honestly wont send it regardless of peoples advice. Its been 100% NO from people here, I will heed that this time. Im just hurting, im angry, im sad, im annoyed that its over and there was nothing i could have done to save it. I feel rejected and isignificant, i feel like she looks down on me..... I think I am probably a bit crazy..... I have written all my dilemas out on the internet these last months, and written letters like the one above!! Obviously im not as together as i thought i was. Im glad I didnt send it. Prayin4- thankyou for reposting that.
Nuala83 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I know she is probably thinking im still here pining over her.... She will after this
NopeNah Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I thought after his last slap in the face e-mail would be the closure he needed..guess not!
Author BearPower Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 Guys please dont talk about me in 3rd person like im not here. Its kind of rude and it makes me feel like I am on a uneven level of respect with people on here. We all make mistakes. Im just looking for a little support and a little empathy. I guess I have to make my own closure in my head. Ill never manage to get her to talk. Its like getting blood from a stone. I said, I agree its a bad idea, I should just stay in NC. That will speak far more volumes than many words. I will also be able to heal and move on with my life. Thank god i posted on here, instead of sending to her. I would have probably kidded myself that it WAS a good idea and done it.
NopeNah Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Guys please dont talk about me in 3rd person like im not here. Its kind of rude and it makes me feel like I am on a uneven level of respect with people on here. Im just looking for a little support and a little empathy I said, I agree its a bad idea, I should just stay in NC. That will speak far more volumes than many words. I will also be able to heal and move on with my life.haha..sorry bout that You should certainly go/stay NC after her last reply. The whole "IM GONE" there at the end speaks volumes..You too should BE GONE! Don't feel like she needs to know this about you either. Show her by truely being gone! Then you get your power back..take care
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I guess I have to make my own closure in my head. Ill never manage to get her to talk. Its like getting blood from a stone. I said, I agree its a bad idea, I should just stay in NC. That will speak far more volumes than many words. I will also be able to heal and move on with my life. Thank god i posted on here, instead of sending to her. I would have probably kidded myself that it WAS a good idea and done it. Well done. Getting the cash for round-trip tickets for Glasgow/Edinburgh/Outer Hebrides was going to be tricky.
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