Thomas X Forever Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Time to face the pain. As once quoted by a RAPPER no less (and one whom I am no fan of normally): "You can't run from the pain, run towards it." That's reason 1 of 2 I'm making this topic. The other is to inform, so that those whom this topic refers to, may be able to face it now and hopefully overcome it. (But most likely they can't. Thus, why this topic exists). So let's get to it. In the land of psychology lies a very specific disorder. And this disorder isn't uncommon. In fact, it's very common. Thus why this topic exists. We all tell people "time will heal all, I promise." Or "It'll stop hurting, you'll get over it at some point." These are both lies. Now, as I earlier began: In the land of psychology, there lies a disorder. This disorder is common. It is known as "Dependent Personality Disorder." You may think you don't qualify. But you do. We all do. DPD is extremely common, often times far more common than reported. So what does DPD do in this context? It hinders the ability to EVER get over someone. Yes, that's right. If you have DPD, then there's a chance you, for the rest of your life, will still feel the pain you do now, no matter how long ago the break up was. This topics intention is to educate, not induce fear. It is through education and knowledge that something can be overcome. Hopefully by facing this, it may save someone. I know how bad DPD is, because I witnessed two friends be diagnosed with it. They never got over their ex. And then I got diagnosed with it as well. I never got over mine either. And most likely, may never. A main reason, not aforementioned, that I wanted to create this topic is so that people stop saying "Time heals all.", etc. Because that's not the case. People who say that, are far too ignorant in that subject, to be saying such things. If you have DPD, time doesn't heal anything. Time, in fact, acts to amplify the discomfort and pain.
Juno Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 ...I have looked into this as a possible reason I'm having such a difficult time getting over my ex even though I know I should. He is a text book emotionally unavailable person, and low and behold, this personality attracts someone like myself...a dependant personality disorder individual. It is a vicious cycle, because the laws of attraction predicts that I will fall for another emotionally unavailable person and will find myself in yet another unfulfilling relationship. I know the symptoms, but the challenge of conquering someone who flees from love is overwhelming. In the beginning they are very receptive, then when they know you are in deep, they pull back like "game over". I don't know if understanding this text book stuff is helping me at all. I still struggle daily, and I still want him. If it is indeed true (as you have stated) one who suffers from this disorder will most likely never get over their ex, then my prospects for a "happy ever after" looks pretty dim. I hope by sharing your diagnois with the board, you can also share any ray of hope in dealing with this condition.
Ronni_W Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Tom, You have it right -- time does not heal anything, it just helps us along ever so slightly. People heal themselves...it's a choice to do the work or not do the work that will facilitate healing. The underlying, deep, deep, deep-rooted feelings of sadness and loneliness -- I've come to think that perhaps there is a different reason than just whatever crap we've experienced in this one lifetime. I mean, I think the seriously deep-rootedness of it may point to something bigger (and deeper) than we've been looking at. DPD...what's Big Pharma got, or researching, for that? They just keep manufacturing new "disorders" for us, and we just keep wasting our money buying their new "cures". Don't you find?
northstar1 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 ...I have looked into this as a possible reason I'm having such a difficult time getting over my ex even though I know I should. He is a text book emotionally unavailable person, and low and behold, this personality attracts someone like myself...a dependant personality disorder individual. It is a vicious cycle, because the laws of attraction predicts that I will fall for another emotionally unavailable person and will find myself in yet another unfulfilling relationship. I know the symptoms, but the challenge of conquering someone who flees from love is overwhelming. In the beginning they are very receptive, then when they know you are in deep, they pull back like "game over". I don't know if understanding this text book stuff is helping me at all. I still struggle daily, and I still want him. If it is indeed true (as you have stated) one who suffers from this disorder will most likely never get over their ex, then my prospects for a "happy ever after" looks pretty dim. You are not 'fated' by some divine law that you will be trapped in this cycle, that is a self defeating prophecy you are considering. Everyone can have a happily ever after, or at least happier times. How your future plays out is up to you. I hope by sharing your diagnois with the board, you can also share any ray of hope in dealing with this condition. Even if someone has this disorder (and ofcourse, this should only be having been diagnosed by a licensed medical practioner, not on a message board), you can always have the possibility to get over someone. It just make take longer time, or more work.
Mike B. Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Even if someone has this disorder (and ofcourse, this should only be having been diagnosed by a licensed medical practioner, not on a message board), you can always have the possibility to get over someone. It just make take longer time, or more work. Northstar, I am glad you made this point. To reiterate, Dependant Personality Disorder (DPD) is a medical illness that must be diagnosed by a licensed medical professional. i.e, physician. No one should make this diagnosis unless they are one of these invididuals. Furthermore, DPD is not so much associated with psychology as it is with Psyhciatry. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor (MD). A psychologist is a doctor of philosophy (PHD). A psychiatrist can diagnose medical illnesses and prescribe medication, a psychologist cannot. With that said, DPD is a very specific personality disorder with certain features or criteria that must be met in order for a person to diagnosed with this illness. Just because a person has DPD, it does not necessarily mean that they will never get over someone after losing them. The person with DPD will just, in most cases, search frantically for someone to take the place of the dominant person in their life that they lost. They just always need someone for constant support. Again, never make this diagnosis unless you are a physician/psychiatrist.
Mike B. Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Tom, You have it right -- time does not heal anything, it just helps us along ever so slightly. People heal themselves...it's a choice to do the work or not do the work that will facilitate healing. The underlying, deep, deep, deep-rooted feelings of sadness and loneliness -- I've come to think that perhaps there is a different reason than just whatever crap we've experienced in this one lifetime. I mean, I think the seriously deep-rootedness of it may point to something bigger (and deeper) than we've been looking at. DPD...what's Big Pharma got, or researching, for that? They just keep manufacturing new "disorders" for us, and we just keep wasting our money buying their new "cures". Don't you find? I understand your argument here. There seem to be a new drug out everyday for some disorder or illness but this is not a bad thing. It is just a sign of our advancement in society. The more technology becomes advanced, the more we understand certain illnesses and disorders and the more we understand them, the more we learn about how we treat them. With today's imaging technology and advances in molecular biology we understand better what goes wrong in the brain to cause a person to have a certain illness. Once we understand it, scientist can develop a substitute for a specific enzyme or molecule that the brain may be missing resulting in a specific disorder. With DPD, there is no drug that is given. Psychotherapy is the main thrust of treatment. You teach a person to become less dependant on others.
CaliGuy Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 We all tell people "time will heal all, I promise." Or "It'll stop hurting, you'll get over it at some point." These are both lies. I don't know who has been telling you that but that has never been true. Time does not heal all wounds. It's what you *DO* with that time that determines when/if you heal. If you choose to live in the past, you will never heal. If you choose to live in the present and for the future, you'll heal in the shortest amount of time. The bottom line? Healing is a choice. You CHOOSE to move on with your life or you CHOOSE to wallow in self pity. Either way, the choice is yours.
BCCA Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I don't know who has been telling you that but that has never been true. Time does not heal all wounds. It's what you *DO* with that time that determines when/if you heal. If you choose to live in the past, you will never heal. If you choose to live in the present and for the future, you'll heal in the shortest amount of time. The bottom line? Healing is a choice. You CHOOSE to move on with your life or you CHOOSE to wallow in self pity. Either way, the choice is yours. Exactly. I know someone who got dumped years ago, and still feels sorry for herself about it. It doesnt matter if its been 10 minutes or 10 years, if you dont WANT to accept reality and move on, you never will.
BearPower Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I dont think this post is helpful at all. Not only is it unhelpful for you, as you are only reaffirming in your mind that you wont get over her, thus stopping you dead in your tracks to be open to meeting someone new, but I have to say after reading it myself, I started to doubt that I will ever get over my ex. Which is Horse*****. Of course I will, and of course you will too. Its also unhelpfull to a majority on here looking to get over their ex. Some people will be in such a fragile state that they will believe this and take as the truth. The mind is funny when your head isnt together. I hope for their sake that they are strong enough to know that this is BS, and THEY WILL get over them. To say you will never get over her is only a statement that will weaken your mind, and your heart, your will power, deflate your ego and self esteem. I think CaliGuy summed it up spot on to everyone.
Author Thomas X Forever Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Ah thank you all. I.. I have got to figure out how to accept your words and wield them.. I once was so strong.
pushforward Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Ah thank you all. I.. I have got to figure out how to accept your words and wield them.. I once was so strong. It starts off by not looking for mental disorders or personality defects to sum you up. It starts off with self love and improvement, helping yourself, helping others and understanding the bigger picture. Self defeating thoughts will get you no where and your life reflects the quality of your thoughts. For somebody who has an interest in psychology you should understand this most "mind over matter". Stop trying to self diagnose yourself with things to validate how you feel. You've experienced a tremendous loss and it will take time to rebuild your life. It's a normal feeling, so you don't need to come up with these reasons as to why you hurt other than a breakup. Emotions don't make logical sense, but neither does keeping your head down, ya dig?
BearPower Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 When you feel 'up' use that time to NOT think about your ex. And try to help other people. It will help YOU affirm things in your head as you write to others (at least for me it does anyway) Its hard to take your self outside the box in your own situation, but when you can do it to others, you gain some perspective on your own situation. SoulBear
Author Thomas X Forever Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 I am officially diagnosed with minor DPD, as well as Severe Depression, Dysthmia, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Let me tell you, it's a lot of fun having those all. I only wish God would've finished the job and made me have Antisocial PD so I could just be a flat out psychopath. I don't want to die but that doesn't mean I'm glad I was born.
pushforward Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Right now your mind is working against you, you need to retrain yourself and change your habitual thinking process. It's all about working on your inner self and your outer world will change to reflect on what you feel on the inside. It's hard work and takes time, but very rewarding. Try looking up neuro-linguistic programming books (NLP) for short. One of my favorite books is New Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. Lots of useful information and ways on to improve yourself. You will have to want to change your self image and the way you direct your energy towards this negative and emotional draining thoughts. It can be done, and there are lessons to be learned here. I've come out of a very rough situation but I'm doing better and I can see the progress I've made. Despite my past memories and upbringing, I beat the odds. Ain't no time like the present.
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