mr smitty Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Hi there first time posting some thing like this. me and my wife have only been married less then a year but been together for 8 years, she's my first and i was her first. we have a 2year old son. couple of months back we had a talk where she told me that she hated me, resented me. the resentment comes from when she was pregnant we were living apart and i wasnt really around, i would go with her to her appointments. basically to sum it up when we found she was pregnant i changed i became distant with her and through out our time together we never we really talked we just let our problems stack up till we had that talk couple of months back. she said she no longer wanted to be in this relationship. I told her ok i will move out but she never really said ok yeah move out. couple of days passed since that night and i never moved out and that point i was trying to do/be what she wanted from me and then again we had the talk and the same thing again she resents me/hates me again i told her i will move out or if she needs time along i will move out. now it brings us today and were living together but it feels like were roomates more then husband/wife and i've noticed that lateley she's been texting some number in the late hours and sending mms messages late at night i feel like she has some thing going on with some one else and sending pictures of her self to that person i have no proof of the pictures and shes smart and deletes all her messages. im just confused i dont know if she still wants to be in this relationship or what. we havnt had sex for a couple of months now, what throws me off is that we some times talk about getting a house together. our anniversary is coming up soon and i asked her if i did some thing for us would she agree to come and she never said no. she said i was going to do some thing just to do it and not ask for suggestions. at this point i just dont know what to do...im sorry if the story does not make sense or if more info is needed im a little nervous writing this. thanks for your time.
Cinnamon777 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I don't get the sense that you are hurting too much from her pulling away, more that you are confused. I would get some clarification on what she wants to do, but it seems that she has told you how she feels. Since on more than one occasion she has told you how much she resents/hates you, it would seem that she no longer wants to be in this marriage. From what you have described, it doesn't seem like you have deep love for her. IMO, you are being roommates. If this works, then I guess you can stick with it, but I would not go out of your way to do something special for your anniversary since she doesn't seem very interested in you or your marriage. It might be time to put it all on the line with her. I would suggest counseling together to sort out the hurts from the past and see if you the both of you can move forward. Counseling for yourself might be good too. I would devote your time to your relationship if she is willing to work with you, otherwise focus on your son and yourself. If you are going to work on the marriage, I would check out marriagebuilders.com for some insights and guidance. There are lots of great people here at LS so keep posting as you need guidance or support. ~Good Luck!
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