broknhearted Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 hello all. its been a while since i've posted here. things have been going. thats about all i can sum it up as. i'm still married and with a MM for a year and a half now. although i dont know why. we work together, he is 14 years younger than me, but we just have this chemistry, i can't explain it. i am really in love with him. the last time we were together physically was back in january! he did say it would be a while before we'd be back together like that again, but 5 months!!! ok, so, since then, things haven't changed, he still flirts with me, calls and texts me just about every day, but no sex. the longest we've gone has been 3 or 4 months i think. i'm just wondering if he's losing interest in me? i finally asked him hey, whats up with this, you've had opportunities.... he replied something to the effect of the longer the wait the better it will be. WTF?!? ok, so, now there is this younger, but in my opinion, not prettier than me, lol, working on our shift now, she came from nite shift. i've noticed him spending more time talking to her. then i heard from a co worker thats why he was working nites so he could follow her around. and one day this week, i noticed that they walked out of the building together chatting after work. (thats how it all started between him and i, i'm seeing a pattern) he told me he wanted to work 16 hour days for more money not a woman. ok, i confront him, and tell him what i heard and asked if its true. he was like, 'noooo sweeetheart..... you shouldn't believe rumors like that, we are just friends, i help train her when she started', he actually laughed, thought it was cute and funny that i was jealous!!! ok, do i believe him? i don't know. he lies to his wife, why wouldn't he lie to me? he's only said he loves me twice in the last year and a half. i wonder if he really does? he always ends his texts 'xoxo'. probably means nothing. i need some guidance in a bad way. like i said, i love him, i wish i knew just where i stand with him and if he loves me, i shouldn't have to ask should i? last week, i told him that if he finds another, that he had better let me know because its bad enough im sharing him with his wife, i won't share him with another woman. i'm starting to think he's just toying with me, and is just a player. i'm seriously thinking of breaking it off. its hard to deal with mentally:(, especially now with his flirting:mad:. *sigh* i just don't know anymore. Don't bash me too bad, i know what i'm doing is wrong and need to make a choice. that will come in time.
ednadean Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 hmm...without knowing him and the full situation -- he sounds like a love rat. I mean -- he changed his shifts! And the other thing is - men want sex -- all the time (as a general rule). If he's not having it with you -- then he's either having it a lot with his wife, or with this new girl. Let the R go I say. It sounds like he's lost interest. With these things it's better take control of the situation, keep your pride in tact and go NC. At least then the tears of your own doing, not his.
Author broknhearted Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 yeah, i know. i've thought the same thing...either his wife is putting out more or he's getting it from the new girl:sick:. we went from at very least every two weeks to now 5 months! I'm sure no contact would be best. thats gonna be very hard to do seeing that we work close together. something else... i'm his boss. *shaking my head* i feel so damn stupid for falling for him. i knew he was smooth from the get go and just fell along with it all.
Author broknhearted Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 and if he's lost interest... why is he still calling me and texting me all the time? i don't understand.
quankanne Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 because you're pretty much a fish on a hook that he knows he can reel in any time he chooses. And that you are not going to do anything to release yourself from that hook. falling in love with this joker isn't the problem. Having that little respect for yourself that you debase yourself by your actions IS. Girl, your whole life hasn't led up to this, God's got much better things in store for you than some cheating, lying pendejo who doesn't give a rat's azz about you ...
Author broknhearted Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 you know, thank you for that last post... your right. im sure God does have better things in mind for me. that made me feel alot better hearing that. and i think your right, he does know im there when he needs me. maybe he's just keeping me at arm length for whatever selfish reason he has. that i fall for it makes me sad and sick at the same time.
Owl Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Why have you remained married if you're in love with this other guy? Why not free yourself up so that you can be with him (or someone else if that doesn't pan out)?
Author broknhearted Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 why haven't i left hubby? i guess cause im scared of change. change is never easy. i know he'd get violent if he ever found out about another guy in my life ever. we have 3 kids together, 3, 9, & 14 and im worried how divorce would effect them. and i don't want to be alone. i know i wouldn't be because i'd still have my children. i guess i've settled into a comfortable routine. i'm 35 and if it didn't work out with MM, then i dont want anyone else, i hated dating when i was younger, hated the drama. i know i sound confusing, im sorry, its cuz i am. lol. i mean, the more i think of my MM, the more im thinking he's just using me till something better came around anyway.
Lucky_One Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 i know he'd get violent if he ever found out about another guy in my life ever. You don't think a violent man won't beat the sh*t outta you AND your MM if he finds out you are screwing another man while you are still married? Let's face it - a 21 year old guy who has has been cheating for 2 years is still going to want LOTS of sex - unless he is getting it from somewhere else. He's either screwing the girl at work - or about to.
Mino Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 why haven't i left hubby? i guess cause im scared of change. change is never easy. i know he'd get violent if he ever found out about another guy in my life ever. we have 3 kids together, 3, 9, & 14 and im worried how divorce would effect them. and i don't want to be alone. i know i wouldn't be because i'd still have my children. i guess i've settled into a comfortable routine. i'm 35 and if it didn't work out with MM, then i dont want anyone else, i hated dating when i was younger, hated the drama. i know i sound confusing, im sorry, its cuz i am. lol. i mean, the more i think of my MM, the more im thinking he's just using me till something better came around anyway. Sweetie, Something better HAS come along.... open your eyes, he is a piece of SH*T. And you got to be kindding too, you have to question if your still in an A after 5 months of nc? He dumped you a long time ago, and you have not figured it out. He is texting you just because he is playing with your mind, and you still dont get it. Your 35?
Mino Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 and if he's lost interest... why is he still calling me and texting me all the time? i don't understand. oh your his boss, that explains the texting, dont want to make you mad, so snowing you is much safer.
Author broknhearted Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 thanks all. his wife is 37, guess he likes older women, lol. and yes, he was 19 when we started this... and no, i'm not telling her, its not my place, he will eventually hang himself, possibly with the next stupid woman thats gullible enough to believe his sweet words like i was. best thing i can do is just move on and break it off. seems he already has anyway, i guess i never really considered that 5 months of no sex may have been 5 months of no contact to him and that me being his boss he probably doesn't want his job in jeapordy, not that i would ever do that but in his mind he may think so. i will try to keep work business and thats it, i'm pretty sure i can do that. i'm gonna try my best to just have very little if any contact with him and try to work on my marriage. afterall, my hubby has been there for me when MM has not. hope u all don't mind my occasional postings here, i know this won't be easy and will need all the support i can get, even if its just venting on my part.
ednadean Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 yup, time to cut the cord. don't make a big dramatic deal out of it, keep your respect and just stop responding to ANYTHING that isn't work related. If he asks you why just say that you're moving on -- that you're refocusing on your marriage or something. I wouldn't show him that I care -- be civil but ignore any advances. He might become more persistent [the chase element] but remember that he's just playing you. the reason he keeps communication with you is as the other posters say -- he knows that he's got you where he wants to. You give him attention and sex when he feels like it...without demanding too much in return. That thing about waiting a long time for it to be better is a just a line he's using on you. You definitely deserve better. What about your H? Can you refocus on rebuilding that R? hugs! I know it's tough...but we all make mistakes -- and we can't help who we develop infatuations with...but once we open our eyes, we have to put measures in place to make things better.
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 change is never easy. i know he'd get violent if he ever found out about another guy in my life ever. we have 3 kids together, 3, 9, & 14 and im worried how divorce would effect them. So cheating isn't the answer..If your husband could be violent, don't you think you've put yourself in danger? What if he finds out on his own? He could find out the truth. As for MM, it sounds like the cat and mouse game/chase.
fooled once Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 He is 21 and not having sex with you? He isn't that into you anymore. Know why he started having sex with you in the first place? Because you are his boss. what better way to get preferential treatment than to screw the boss. Stop the nonsense and either focus on your marriage or get a divorce. And don't sleep with the jerk (MM) anymore. God knows what he has picked up from his 'friends'.
Author broknhearted Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 omg, i guess i was blinded to that little fact. preferential treatment? even though i haven't treated him like that (special treatment), maybe i was just part of him wanting to move up and since he hasn't, im not worth his time? thank you all for your posts, i appreciate them all.
sugarmomma Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 He sounds like a loser and a user!! I think he keeps texting just to have his ego stroked. Leave that young boy alone!! Besides you don't want to get hit with a sexual harassment claim!!! Kick his azz to the curb but do it professionally.
ednadean Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 yes..I've been thinking about it and the reason he keeps you on such a long leash is that he's probably scared that if he doesn't keep 'fooling' you you might fire him or cancel his shifts or something. He sounds like he's not into you -- but keeping up the pretence of it to make 'the boss' happy. you poor dear...
tami-chan Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 and if he's lost interest... why is he still calling me and texting me all the time? i don't understand. because you are his boss......
StoptheDrama Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Broknhearted - I understand all too well that you are in pain but you need to stop & think about yourself, especially your children and career. One move on your part and he could file a sexual harassment suit against you personally and your company. It really might be in your best interest to talk to a lawyer and find out the best ways to protect yourself from that. I know you're hurting now but he could introduce you to an entirely new level of pain, anxiety and shame. Please keep that in mind and do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children. Sending you tons of support!
Author broknhearted Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 well, today i'm gonna try to go n/c. any texts or calls i just won't respond to. he went to work and texted me while he was there. i finally just put it out there, 'hey, what am i to you, how do you feel about me?' i guess, i just needed to know before i went to n/c. i get a text back, 'your one of my best friends, i love ya, why?' i almost cried..... was more like a text a buddy would send. ok, so now maybe, if i'm lucky, i'm a friend with benefits??? geeeez! that kinda made up my mind. i just can't do this anymore, its taking its toll on me, so today, i plan on spending time with the kids and staying pre-occupied. i'm starting to see his games more now though and i thank all of u for that. after i sent that text and he asked me why, i told him i was just curious. then i quit texting and the very next text i got was, when can we hook up!
Author broknhearted Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 thats today n/c. he was texting me yesterday from work.
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