jessicasilver Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 my ex split up with me because he wasnt ready for a serious relationship wanted to just be friends,i found it VERY HARD because i still loved him, and i used to beg him to come back to me... but he kept pushing me away so i eventually agreed to the break up and i recently felt like i could act more of a friend to him... he told me about a date he was meant to go on yesterday (which hurt but i didnt show it), he ended up ringing me and asking me out instead and i asked him about the date and he said she was busy... so i told him i couldnt make it as i was busy too, he sounded upset and hanged up!!! he then texted me asking me what i was up to and i didnt reply until a few hours later as i was busy (NORMALLY I WOULD TEXT HIM BACK STRAIGHT AWAY) and he texted me back saying.... ''...you have kind of changed...'' WHAT DID THE TEXT MEAN?? i texted him and asked him but he hasnt texted me back is he angry at me or something?? even after all this i still love him
Excellent Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Upset? For what? Losing is right to having your attention whenever he wants? He lost it when he broke up with you. Don't give a damn if he is upset. He asked a girl out, and when she couldn't come he thought:"oh well, i guess i have to settle with my ex tonight". Sounds like a great guy. Keep doing what you are doing, eventually it'll feel good to have some sort of power. I'd cut him off completely, he's trying to keep you around as a backburner.
Lucky555 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 seriously, do you still want to be friends with this guy? Gosh, if its over then wow you need to go way less contact!
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I wasn't initially going to respond, because the answer to your question is obvious: he's jerking you around, playing mind games, and your best course of action is to go NC, immediately. Just out of curiosity, I checked out your previous threads and found a dozen essentially asking the same question and in which you recieved largely the same advice I spelled out in my first paragraph. You love him. He doesn't love you. All you are is a back-up plan (as amply demonstrated in your post). For your sake, go hard-core deep-cover NC. Period. Or continue to play his game and in turn get played like a fiddle. Your choice.
Author jessicasilver Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 thanks for your replies... one of the reasons i want to be friends with my ex is because he was my friend before we got in to a relationship and as we grew closer he became my best friend and when we split up i felt like i lost my best friend and my boyfriend too, i felt like something was missing!! to be honest i rather put up with his pathetic mind games then not have him in my life at all... the truth is his starting to push me away! i do love him but when he mentions other girls or acts like this it just makes me get just a bit more closure!! the other day he couldnt stop hugging me and telling me how much he missed me and the times we had, he grabbed me and made me sit on his lap but each time i rejected him because if he wants to be friends then thats all i will be to him.... just friends
Exit Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 to be honest i rather put up with his pathetic mind games then not have him in my life at all... Doesn't sound like you have a lot of respect for yourself. You shouldn't have to put up with anything like that. There are other boyfriends out there and other best friends too. If you allow him to play games then expect to keep getting played, and don't expect anyone at the forums to be able to help you.
boogieboy Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 thanks for your replies... one of the reasons i want to be friends with my ex is because he was my friend before we got in to a relationship and as we grew closer he became my best friend and when we split up i felt like i lost my best friend and my boyfriend too, i felt like something was missing!! to be honest i rather put up with his pathetic mind games then not have him in my life at all... the truth is his starting to push me away! i do love him but when he mentions other girls or acts like this it just makes me get just a bit more closure!! the other day he couldnt stop hugging me and telling me how much he missed me and the times we had, he grabbed me and made me sit on his lap but each time i rejected him because if he wants to be friends then thats all i will be to him.... just friends Dont worry, after a while you will heal a lil bit and realize that the torture will get old. So even though you want to hang on now and hope, you will stop hanging with him. Dont you have other friends to hang with???
Author jessicasilver Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 i do respect myself, i just care about him alot and dont really want to do anything to hurt him!! the fact is i have already accepted the break up and i no longer have hope that me and him will get back together. i dont mind being his friend really but its just it hurts sometimes when he talks about other girls or comments on how other girls are so hot in front of me and then turns around and tells me he still cares! im stronger then i once was and im not putting up with half the stuff he trys to do to me! i just dont understand why he said ive changed when his the one who wants to be friends? i guess he assumed he would have me wrapped round his little finger but his wrong! he still hasnt texted me back!! do you think i should call him see whats wrong???
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 i do respect myself No, you don't. If you did you would have hung up on him as soon as he suggested going out with you because the other girl couldn't make it. It's also crystal-clear he doesn't respect you. i just care about him alot and dont really want to do anything to hurt him!! You can't hurt his feelings. He'd have to have feelings for you in the first place. the fact is i have already accepted the break up and i no longer have hope that me and him will get back together. i dont mind being his friend really but its just it hurts sometimes when he talks about other girls or comments on how other girls are so hot in front of me and then turns around and tells me he still cares! im stronger then i once was and im not putting up with half the stuff he trys to do to me! i just dont understand why he said ive changed when his the one who wants to be friends? i guess he assumed he would have me wrapped round his little finger but his wrong! he still hasnt texted me back!! He DOES still have you wrapped around his little finger. You can attempt to argue the point but sorry, it's obvious. The reason you CANNOT be friends with him is because you still have feelings for him. If you didn't, him telling you about other "hot" girls wouldn't bother you at all. do you think i should call him see whats wrong??? Hell. No. Go NC.
Author jessicasilver Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 ok so i wont contact him then until he contacts me!! yes i still love him alot and its hard but im not focusing on trying to get back with him but more on moving on!!! i never call or text him anymore only if he calls or texts me first! i think he was lying about the girl he was going on a date with.... he only mentioned her after 2 guys asked me out on the weekend through facebook and he asked me about it!! but ill never know and i dont want to know... i know im not ready to date again so im just enjoying life getting to know myself more!!!
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Go one better: don't contact him even if he does contact you. Frankly, you sound like a mess, and the only way you're going to get better/heal is NC. Have I mentioned NC before? NC.
Author jessicasilver Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 ok ok!! i will go NC but i've done it before infact the last time was last week and he rang my phone continuously until i just picked up and i ended up seeing him out the blue that day!!
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 ok ok!! i will go NC but i've done it before infact the last time was last week and he rang my phone continuously until i just picked up and i ended up seeing him out the blue that day!! That's where self-respect comes in. Have enough of it to stick to NC, regardless of how many times he tries to contact you. After a bit, my guess is that he'll start to get "weird" on you: alternating between varying degrees of abusive to lovey-dovey schmaltz and back again. It'll be just another attempt to manipulate you. Stay strong. You can do this. Post here when you feel like responding to him.
Juno Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 my ex split up with me because he wasnt ready for a serious relationship wanted to just be friends,i found it VERY HARD because i still loved him, and i used to beg him to come back to me... but he kept pushing me away so i eventually agreed to the break up and i recently felt like i could act more of a friend to him... he told me about a date he was meant to go on yesterday (which hurt but i didnt show it), he ended up ringing me and asking me out instead and i asked him about the date and he said she was busy... so i told him i couldnt make it as i was busy too, he sounded upset and hanged up!!! he then texted me asking me what i was up to and i didnt reply until a few hours later as i was busy (NORMALLY I WOULD TEXT HIM BACK STRAIGHT AWAY) and he texted me back saying.... ''...you have kind of changed...'' WHAT DID THE TEXT MEAN?? i texted him and asked him but he hasnt texted me back is he angry at me or something?? even after all this i still love him My ex has done the same thing to me (and then some). I can relate whole heartedly with how you feel. My ex told me this week he went on a date with someone, and in the next sentence said how much he missed me. Of course I luv hearing it, but it doesn't change the fact that he has put himself back into the market and for whatever reason what he's looking for he could not find with me. It hurts like hell, but trying to remain friends in the hopes that he will come back is just asking for exactly the pain you are feeling now. It's tough, but you have to get to the point of who cares if he's mad, who cares what he means by his texts after he broke up with you. At this point whatever he wants, whatever he's doing, whatever he's thinking is immaterial to how you proceed with your actions. Don't allow yourself to be his "second best" option.
Recommended Posts