bubbleskeeps023 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Weve been over 2 years. and our affair is ok.. these past 2 weeks is his vacation from work, meaning no text and call from him so his wife will not be suspicious..but he texted me after the first week and told that everythng is ok. i understand that he will be not able to txt me from time to time, but i still expect that he have an effort to communicate with me..thru txt or email this last week. am i asking too much?
ednadean Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 welcome bkeeps! unfortunately the whole problem with an affair with an MM is that you're always going to be second best. I don't mean to sound negative..but the fact is that at the end of the day he's married and being the OW means you get crumbs by definition e.g. no calls when its not convenient for him. that being said-- it's all about mutual expectation and agreement...but if you want free and open communication -- it's just by definition quite difficult to get that out of a A.
Lyssa Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 welcome bkeeps! unfortunately the whole problem with an affair with an MM is that you're always going to be second best. I don't mean to sound negative..but the fact is that at the end of the day he's married and being the OW means you get crumbs by definition e.g. no calls when its not convenient for him. that being said-- it's all about mutual expectation and agreement...but if you want free and open communication -- it's just by definition quite difficult to get that out of a A. Agreed. Unless if you want something more than you will have to tell him that you won't be his second best anymore. That said - it could mean that he'd end it for good or do something about being with you. Depends on what you're looking for.
blinded Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I feel for ya. I feel the same way at times. I get irked by actions like that. I mean, it takes a couple of min to write something, right? I always let him know to at least give me some warning that I won't be hearing from him. It sounds like he gave you warning about the minimal contact. In this instance, I think you have no reason to be upset. If he is always like that, then I would rethink why you're still with this person. You should voice your concerns with him. Hopefully you could work it out where you both could be happy.
Author bubbleskeeps023 Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 yah on the first week he told me that he would try his best to communcate with me again before the vacation ends.. maybe i just missed him. im not xpecting to be his priority. i accepted the fact that i am the ow. in fairness to him, he always communicate me whenever possible. except this week. am i paranoid? laughs
Lucky_One Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Oh and is your self esteem that low that you are actually asking if you are asking too much from him???? Please if you think a phone call or communication is too much to ask from someone you are having an intimate relationship with then you need some counselling to learn to expect more and be treated better. To learn YOU matter and YOU are important. I have to agree with this. When I was in my EMA, there were basic boundaries that I needed, and I was plain about them. I was lucky in that he also wanted contact with me, but going a week with no contact was not acceptable to me. When I travelled overseas, I changed blackberrys to ensure that I could have global access, because he would have been as upset as I was to go 10 days with no tp contact, and made sure that my hotels had internet access for our emailing. Intimate relationships, IMHO, deserve more than no contact during weeks at the time.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 BK, I think in ANY relationship, friendship, family, intimate, that if you have to ask someone to care more than they do then probably the person you should be questioning is yourself. Have you accepted that you are more invested than the OP? Is that something you think you can change by asking someone to do the things that will make you feel like its something other than what it actually is? In my experience people rarely give less than they want to give to show love and respect, asking for more is like asking someone to tell you that it is what it isn't. "Hold me and tell me lies!" I've got the T-shirt.
fooled once Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 If he really cared about you he would be with you and not his wife.
Mino Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 mine bought me a laptop when I went on vac, so he could skype me while I was away. He called everynight, and there were no DAYS were he didnt call.
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