Prairie Starr Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I don't know exactly which forum this belongs in, but since it's about dating I guess I'll post it here. Recently I started seeing a guy. We're both in our 50's. Both looking for a long term relationship. We have a lot in common and the same basic values towards family, work, life in general. I met him through an online dating website, and his profile said he was single. During our first conversation, I found out he is still legally married, but separated from his wife. They live in the same town (I do not live in that town). When I asked him why they aren't divorced, he said it is because she allows him to claim her two children (from her previous marriage) as dependents on his income tax, which amounts to about $7000 a year. Those kids are 14 and 16. When I found all this out, I said fine then no dating. But since we have so much in common he asked if we can just be friends. We've gone to a few outings with other people (music jam, ball game) platonically....no touching, hand holding, etc. I find that I have a strong attraction to him and am wondering whether I should rethink my position. He has never lied to me and is very forthcoming with any questions I ask. The bottom line, though, is that he is legally married. Any advice?
prettybaby Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Well, are you looking to get married? No offense, but you're 50. So you're not in the same position that a 20-something year old would be; where marriage would go hand in hand with settling down, having babies and all that jazz. Whether his official status is an issue to you really depends on your own personal priorities and what goals you're looking at in a relationship. If your goals include cohabitation and marriage in the near future, then yes, I'd say that it would be a problem right now. Is he planning on filing for divorce after those kids turn 18? Because I don't think there will be any more use for him to remain married within 4 years from now. So that will make you both 54. Keep in mind that a divorce can take up to a year long, so potentially, we're looking at him being officially divorced by the age of 55 (soonest). Is that something that you think you can live with for the next 5 years? Personally, I think at your age there is no rush. You can take those 5 years to build a solid relationship with this guy and make sure that it's built to last, and solve those legal details later (although it is important for you to figure out now what he's planning to do). Right now, you're only getting to know him, so there's really nothing you can do about it at such an early stage, because pressuring him to file for divorce and lose 7,000 bucks/year on taxes is something you just cannot do to someone you're not even in a secure relationship with. I guess the main thing is for you to find out what he's planning to do after they turn 18 and then judge for yourself whether it suits you or not.
Recommended Posts