DollWelch Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Recently, I was at an event as it is held almost every week, and as I was about to leave, a man approached me. He started to talk, and graciously extended to shake my hand, and introduce himself. He and I talked for a while, then parted ways. I realized that not only he's handsome but also smart, and genuinely a nice person. He has luscious hair, lips, and physique. I'm certainly attracted to him. I hadn't seen him about for 2 weeks, and thought that he had forgotten about me. I kind of missed him in that time period. Then, a couple of days ago (at the same event), just as I entered the room, he looked straight in my direction, to my face, and into my eyes -and gave me a big smile. I smiled back. He and I didn't talk (for the rest of the time). Now, I'm wondering. Is he interested in me? And Why hasn't he asked me out yet? I'm about to give up on this man. I hope I made a good first impression. All and/or any thoughts are welcome.
Bejita463 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Is there a specific reason you refuse to ask him out? Playing this game might lose you your chance.
dunstable Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Is there a specific reason you refuse to ask him out? Playing this game might lose you your chance. I second that!
prettybaby Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Yeah, the "hoping he'll ask me out" technique has proved to be quite inefficient in this day and age, even if the guy is initially interested. Why would he ask you out anyway? Did you make it clear that you'd be interested? I'm pretty sure you didn't. You didn't even talk to the guy last time you saw him. So yeah, I think you need to make a move.
mogul Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 If only women made the first move, the world would be a happier place. Or atleast, guys would have alot less stress.
tinklebell Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I'm not saying women should always wait for the men to ask them out but wouldn't this guy have if he was really that interested since he doesn't strike me as a shy person with him initiating a conversation with the OP? This is probably what's confusing you, OP, if I'm not wrong?
prettybaby Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Yeah he walked up to her at first, and then when she saw him again, she didn't even reciprocate and go talk to him ... talk about giving bad signals to the guy. He was probably just testing the waters at first. It's her turn to do something.
tinklebell Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Yeah he walked up to her at first, and then when she saw him again, she didn't even reciprocate and go talk to him ... talk about giving bad signals to the guy. He was probably just testing the waters at first. It's her turn to do something. I missed that part. OP, were you waiting for the guy to initiate a conversation with you the second time you both met? Could you elaborate on why you guys didn't talk after exchanging smiles?
Left in a Lurch Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Yeah he walked up to her at first, and then when she saw him again, she didn't even reciprocate and go talk to him ... talk about giving bad signals to the guy. He was probably just testing the waters at first. It's her turn to do something. Wow prettybaby you're pretty awesome if you picked that up, I wish all women understood what you posted. He already made the first move and now probably figures she wasn't interested in talking with him again because, well, she didn't talk to him. It's hard enough for a guy to take the lead on everything and it's even tougher when we have to read a signal like she sent to mean she is extremely interested. What she did would make me think it's 80/20 that she's not interested. If she had walked over and just talked for 20 seconds it would have been reversed. The good news is that if he thinks she is not interested it'll probably make him want her more.
Author DollWelch Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 FYI: I'm not playing games. At all. With this man. Rather, I'm not the type of woman to ask a man out. (No IFs or BUTs). IF waiting around for him to ask me out, will get me a date someday, then so be it. IF he doesn't, then that's okay in my book. He and I can be friends. I'm not going to lie, I am hoping he'll man up for a date -or at least, to hang out. The reason why I didn't speak to him, last time he and I exchanged smiles, was because I couldn't; he couldn't. A written examination was being done, and there was no talking allowed. I'd like it if he'd ask me to join him in working out together; it'd be fun! Or perhaps, grab a drink. I might be asking for much, too soon, but it'd be nice to get to know him better. What should my next move be? I don't want to come on too strong.
prettybaby Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Walk up to him next time you see him with a big smile and show that you're happy to see him. Ask him how he's doing and develop some casual small talk. Ask him how that test went. Girl, if you're not gonna ask him out then you need to at least give him some positive signals that show him he's got the green light to ask you out. Because not asking him out + not talking to him + not giving him any good signals at all = major fail. The guy can't read your mind. And us girls have it easy: we can do more moves and actually not come on too strong in a guy's opinion. Men don't even think twice about details like us women do.
Author DollWelch Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 UPDATE I messed up. Badly. I got caught up in nerves, and everything just fell flat ! I saw him, again, yesterday and I was looking forward to conversing with him. I thought I was somewhat confident. BUT, I didn't perform. Rather, I ignored him. WHY? For the first time since he and I met (he'd alway sit far away from me; across the room), he walked and sat 3 or 4 seats away from me. Didn't say "Hi" or "Hello" or "How are you?" or "Good to see you again!". Nothing. I, on the other hand, didn't acknowledge his presence. I was busy writing some things down on paper, and didn't bother to look up and start making conversation with him. During the event, I happened to look at him for about 2-3 seconds, he was as well -and coincidently him and I locked eyes for a brief moment. I felt good, but at the same time, embarrassed. WTF? I don't get why he didn't bother to talk to me. Was he too shy to attempt? Or Was he waiting for me to make a move? The next scheduled event is this week, and I hope he attends. ARGH! I need effective solutions/baby steps.
neowulf Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 UPDATE I messed up. Badly. I got caught up in nerves, and everything just fell flat ! I saw him, again, yesterday and I was looking forward to conversing with him. I thought I was somewhat confident. BUT, I didn't perform. Rather, I ignored him. WHY? For the first time since he and I met (he'd alway sit far away from me; across the room), he walked and sat 3 or 4 seats away from me. Didn't say "Hi" or "Hello" or "How are you?" or "Good to see you again!". Nothing. I, on the other hand, didn't acknowledge his presence. I was busy writing some things down on paper, and didn't bother to look up and start making conversation with him. During the event, I happened to look at him for about 2-3 seconds, he was as well -and coincidently him and I locked eyes for a brief moment. I felt good, but at the same time, embarrassed. WTF? I don't get why he didn't bother to talk to me. Was he too shy to attempt? Or Was he waiting for me to make a move? The next scheduled event is this week, and I hope he attends. ARGH! I need effective solutions/baby steps. You do know that you're sending out crazy signals here. If I was a guy looking at your behaviour, I wouldn't know *what* to make of you. "Oh, she's smiling.. maybe she's just being friendly..." "Oh, she's igoring me? hmm... guess she was just being polite the first time.." "WTF? She's looking at me again... err.. I'm confused? She's looking at me? But she's ignoring me? I dont' get it? Does she like me at all?" See how that works? You have to be consistent in your approach. Give the *same* signals to the guy that makes it clear you *do* like him and *are* interested in him. Men are thick. Make is *obvious* what you want him to do and if he's keen he'll do it.
dressing up Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 DollWelch, I'm rooting for you, partly because I've been there. I've given off weird signals unwittingly before. I don't think another smile the next time you see the guy would cut it. Like what neowulf said, he's probably really confused already. You may need to smile and TALK TO HIM. You seem to like this guy enough on first glance so make it work. I'm assuming these scheduled events don't go on forever so please grab any chance you have to talk to this guy before he stops attending them!
Left in a Lurch Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 "I was at an event as it is held almost every week, and as I was about to leave, a man approached me." That was the first move. "For the first time since he and I met (he'd alway sit far away from me; across the room), he walked and sat 3 or 4 seats away from me. Didn't say "Hi" or "Hello" or "How are you?" or "Good to see you again!". Nothing. I, on the other hand, didn't acknowledge his presence. " That was the second move. "FYI: I'm not playing games. At all. With this man. Rather, I'm not the type of woman to ask a man out. (No IFs or BUTs). ..... I'm not going to lie, I am hoping he'll man up for a date -or at least, to hang out. " So you really like a guy and he has play by your dating rules and that's not playing games how? So he's not a man if he doesn't ask a stranger out? It sounds to me like he is just not desperate and he may be interested in you but that doesn't mean he pines away and is too nervous to talk to you. He might have 5 other women showing interest in him and I don't see where you've done anything to set yourself apart from anyone else. Personally I don't expect a woman to ask me out, but I do like a woman that is not timid and afraid to let on that she is interested, or even approach me. I do look for a response and after a couple of attempts if she won't give me a "hello" or make a little effort, it's a clear signal to move on. I have a feeling if you make a simple effort to say hello, and start a conversation with him you'll get what you want. I doubt you really messed up with him the last time, but if you keep doing it you will.
Island Girl Posted June 22, 2009 Posted June 22, 2009 It amazes me that you still have not said one word to him. IF there was an exam -- you still could have found a way. IF he sat 3 or 4 seats away then you could have made it a point to talk to him -- and I am sure that would not be lost on him. You are the one sending out signals that come from two different ends of the spectrum. INTERESTED means INTERESTED. That said -- you should be interested in talking to him or getting to know him further. He made a move. I am not one to ask a guy out - never have been -- and if you aren't keen to do that you do not have to. But give him open and definite signals that you WANT to talk to him and that you would say "yes" if he did ask you out. Open the conversation. Give him a lot of smiles and keep the conversation really light and friendly. You had the PERFECT opportunity when he was "missing" for a couple weeks. "It's good to see you! Did you go away on holiday?" That would CLEARLY tell him you notice when he is there and when he is not. AND it gives him the opportunity to have a topic of conversation. C'mon girlfriend. This guy hits the top marks in all of your attraction categories. It's worth it to find out if there is more there!!!
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