sean22 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I was going out with this girl for about a month. She was going overseas for 7 months and broke up with me early saying that the relationship was putting too much pressure on her. (She just left a few days ago, i've been NC for over a month, just broke it to send a goodbye text.) Anyways the day after she broke up with me she told my mate that she had lost her feelings for me and that the relationship wasn't going anywhere. My mate also said that she said some things about not liking my personality. I know i am pretty introverted and i am wondering if this could have had an effect on my relationship. I am also a little shy and know i took the relationship too slow, and i think i may have kept my feelings to myself and didnt show her my affection for her. I don't usually open up to people until i know them well. I was just beginning to open up to her and then she broke up with me out of the blue. I know i don't have a bad personality, i think people just don't see it until they know me and i think this may have been what happened. I just read this: http://livingintroverted.com/blog3/2009/03/04/can-being-introverted-hurt-your-relationships/ I have 7 months NC now that shes on the other side of the world, but was wondering if it was worth explaining to her if she ever breaks NC or will she just have to realise this on her own? I was really into this girl and its really bugging me that she probably hasn't seen the real me yet and now she may never. Hmm i don't know, if anyone else has any advice or insight on this id appreciate it.
Thomas X Forever Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 My only advice is, fix what you don't like about your self. I was introverted as a kid. Sometimes, introversion is a direct result of above average intelligence. Anyways, long story short, as I grew up, I applied that intelligence to understand social science, and fast forward to today, I know very how well to be social. I'm not bragging; the reason I'm telling you this is to give you hope that you can change this as well. But you may be asking yourself, "Why do I need to change?" Because too much introversion is a bad thing. I measure you having "too much" based on your description of the break up.
boogieboy Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Wait for her to contact you (but dont count on it) You cant explain to her about your introversion, you just have to act like the new you. They dont want to be told, they want to see it.
Author sean22 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Hey, thanks for the replies. I know i now have to change. This breakup only just made me become aware of it. I just wish i could have become aware of it earlier. It just kills me inside that i may have lost my only chance with this girl because i didn't express my true feelings towards her and show how much i appreciated her.I feel theres so much undone, and she may have made a mistake without realising it and that she just hasn't seen the real me yet... and now she may never. I guess it was just a bad time to ask her out with her going overseas. Then again i may not have got another chance. I wish she could have told me the truth after the break up, instead of the lame pressure excuse then maybe i could have understood this better. I've had other girls asking about the breakup and how we seemed so 'cute' and 'tight', and i told them i didn't know. We have a lot of mutual friends, im pretty sure ill see her again in the future. Im just worried if she'll ever try and reconcile or just treat me as if i don't exist. Judging by the way she treated me after the breakup, she just went completely cold as if she never wanted to see me again. The chances of a reconciliation happening look pretty small. I don't understand this because i know i never did anything wrong. If i ever try and reconcile with her im going to need the truth first, and i was just wondering if i should point out to her how i truly felt about her and appreciated her? I never tried to get her back after the relationship. I just went NC. I know that was probably the best thing to do, but now im thinking she may not know how i truly feel about her. I have 7 months NC now.. i guess ill just have to take this time to change and create a new me. Not nessecarily for her but for furture relationships. I guess if she fell for me once she could fall for me again? or once a girl is done is she done? I guess if we were meant to be, only time will tell and that shell just have to realise on her own. Maybe this was all just a lesson, and ill just have to open up more in the future.
boogieboy Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Dont worry, its a learning process. many people lose someone they love because they took them for granted. Youre not the only one.
Mike B. Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 "If i ever try and reconcile with her im going to need the truth first, and i was just wondering if i should point out to her how i truly felt about her and appreciated her?" I do not believe that this would have worked. Often, when someone breaks up with us, we think of every thing that might have caused it. Was it because I was too busy for her? Was it because I didn't send her enough flowers? Was it the way I dressed? You can drive yourself crazy thinking of the infinite possibilities and still never come to the answer. Relationships are so dynamic that this hunt for "the truth" is simply futile. There is chemistry between two people and there is the lack of it. Don't force it. It will only have the same result later. She lost feelings for you, didn't like your personality, and the relationship wasn't going anywhere because of this. It is over. Done. Sorry. You are in good company here. She said she didn't like your personality. Personalities are often complex and when someone doesn't like another's personality in a relationship, it is never one thing that cause them to end it because a personality cannot be summed up into one attribute. Telling her how much she meant to you will not change the way she felt about you. If this was the reason, she would have inquired about your feelings for her often. She lost feelings for you. It is time to move on and find someone who does. If you go and talk about feelings now, she will move even further from you. Resist the temptation to search for the time she started to lose feelings for you. It will drive you insane. Every insignificant event, word, or look would begin to seem like something huge and your mind will find many. Was it the time she didn't want to do any thing that weekend in March after we had the argument? Was it the time she stopped wanting to kiss as much? It can go on forever. Now, one thing you must resist now is asking your "mutual friends" about her. Let those friends that have divided loyalty between you two just be your ex's friends. The true mutual friends will only carry stories back and forth between you two and the one who was let go (you) will be the one really hurt by this process. Just hearing "oh, she is dating this super model in Italy" won't sit well with you initially so avoid the mutual friends for now. You need loyalty now so you should keep those friends close that has always been there for you and those who stood on your side of the fence more than hers. You need friends of your own, ones that will not betray you while you are going through this stage. You already know what your best strategy is. No Contact. This strategy will never get old and never die because it is the best thing you have and will always be. Give her time to wonder what you are doing. Sending texts lets her know exactly what you are doing...thinking about her! The problem with this is that she ended the relationship with you and what little chance she has to miss you is being destroyed with constant communication. Not to mention, it greatly slows down your recovery. On another note, it is time to work on the "introverted" part of your personality. This will only be a hindrance to you connecting with someone else. I would start off with talking to more people. Begin to strike up more conversation with more people. Strangers are the most important in this exercise. The old lady in line at the grocery store... just start talking to her about any thing. The guy sitting next to you on the bus...ask him about the shoes he has on. Be the annoying guy on the plane who can't seem to shut up. The more and more you do this, the more extroverted you become and after a while, people will have a hard time believing that you were once shy. They will invite you to hang out more and introduce you to their friends at parties (even the hot ones). So no contact. She is in another country and out of your reach and by the time she gets back, she will be out of your mind. Good luck!
Author sean22 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Thanks mike, i think that may have been the best advice i've ever been given. You just gave me a completely different perspective on this. Resist the temptation to search for the time she started to lose feelings for you. It will drive you insane. Every insignificant event, word, or look would begin to seem like something huge and your mind will find many. Was it the time she didn't want to do any thing that weekend in March after we had the argument? Was it the time she stopped wanting to kiss as much? It can go on forever.That's what i've been doing ever since the breakup and gah... it's horrible. I don't know what attracted her to me from the start if she didn't like my personality. I was friends wit her before i asked her and and went to school with her and all. I still think i held back my feelings but, i guess whats done is done and i just have to learn from this. Nothing i can do about it now but move on i guess. Thanks
Mike B. Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Thanks mike, i think that may have been the best advice i've ever been given. You just gave me a completely different perspective on this. That's what i've been doing ever since the breakup and gah... it's horrible. I don't know what attracted her to me from the start if she didn't like my personality. I was friends wit her before i asked her and and went to school with her and all. I still think i held back my feelings but, i guess whats done is done and i just have to learn from this. Nothing i can do about it now but move on i guess. Thanks Glad I can help, Sean. You made some good points above. What attracted your to her from the start if she didn't like your personality? I am sure, if you are willing to be honest with yourself, you will see that the relationship between you two probably was not the most romantic or intimate relationship you could have imagined. If someone did not like your personality, I am sure it showed. Many times we ignore read flags for our own personal reasons.
Author sean22 Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Late post sorry. To be honest.. yea i can see that, but i still cant see what her intentions were, there had to be some reason she went out with me. She just lead me on for a month. I guess if she wasn't that interested in me it also makes it her fault it didn't work out. I've been blaming myself. One of my mates asked last night why i bothered with her, said "go look at yourself in the mirror, realise how hot you are.. why did you go for her" Sure put a smile on my face. Made me realise i can do better than her. I do find her attractive though.
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