Trackends Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 This will be my first post since I registered here almost a year ago. I'll try to make this as short and to the point as possible, but it's complicated. I dated my girlfriend for a little over 10 months. I'm 19 and she's 16. I turn 20 in a few months and she turns 17 about a month later. Everything concerning us was just beautiful from the start. The relationship was effortless, we just got along so well up until March of this year. She started a job at a restaurant close to where she lives. Ever since then she's been bringing up all these new guys she met, especially one guy in particular. I mean, bringing him up about 20 times in conversation on this one day we hung out. Ever since she got her job, we spent less and less time together. That's when the problems started. She told me she felt distant from me. I told her I felt the same, but I can't do anything about it because it's her decision to work there. She likes the job and I tell her I'm happy for her, but inside I feel like I'm getting replaced by her job. I used to see her almost everyday. Once she got her job, maybe once or twice a week. I work and put myself through College, but I still put her as my first priority because I was in love with her. To me, love was first. I made so much effort to always keep her first in my life. Shortly after she got the job, problems start happening. I'm getting suspicious of this one guy she always talks about. He's 21, let's call him "Tom", and for some reason he's being all "buddy buddy" with my 16 year old girlfriend. It doesn't make me any more comfortable that within a few weeks of her working there she was already sexually assaulted by some dude. I tell her my concern about "Tom" and she just defends him. Soon after all this starts happening, she tells me she's not "in love" with me anymore and she's happy with her life, except for our relationship. Regarding "Tom", I've never met him. I work in the restaurant business too and from what she's told me, I already know what kind of guy he's like. I'm not dumb, mix a young, pretty, girl with a bunch of 20 year olds and guess what happens. She told me that the first day she met him he told her he had an "age limit". Why's he even saying that to her if she isn't doing something to provoke it? Anyways, I called bull on that. I tough it out for about two months, but one day she makes the decision to blow off plans with me to spend time with "Tom". When she gets home that night, out of anger, I break it off with her. I couldn't deal with feeling like the back-up guy anymore when I put my heart and soul into her. This is where it gets difficult. I regretted breaking up with her immediately. I asked her back within a few hours of doing it. She tells me she needs time to think it over. That was about two weeks ago. I've read over this forum enough to know about No contact and what not to do. I haven't begged or pleaded, but I've told her that I still love her and I would wait and be patient. She still spends almost everyday with "Tom", even out of work. I've seen her twice since I broke up with her. We still act like we're dating. We're still very affectionate, we've had sex, etc. She told me she's not doing this with anyone else and I believe her. I've worked on the problems I had since we've been broken up, and I've gotten stronger. I just don't know how long I should wait or if she'll ever seriously come back. I might just be fooling myself, I don't know.
LukeC Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Dude firstly my heart goes out to you because you won't like the truth. And the truth is that she's immature.. I'm almost 19 and my girlfriends 17 not as large an age gap but we are surely amongst the youngest and inexperienced guys on these forums! However I came to the realisation 2 days ago that she is 'too immature to handle' and that's when I called the split. I understand that you didn't initiate the split in this case but bare with me! Our split up involved cheating, and when I asked her in honesty if it would ever happen again she paused and said.. "I don't know I guess I like the attention from other guys and don't quite have the controll to stop it if someone hits on me but theress only a really small chance" I felt like saying what if he's fit enough or something you shallow ungratefull prick!!! Needless to say that ****ing killed me inside! A girlfriend of 3 years telling me this now ...! Followed by but I Love you so much I only want to be with you.. Is she on drugs I wonder!? Grrrrrrrrrrtrrrtggrhthdjthuvbdjvdtjdbfkynduootbdymrnrxdyjvtkfvdjrinfnfntn But it gets worse I found it so hard to accept and move on so I'm still ****ing and going for meals with her!! This probably has been of no help to you, I've just vented some anger :\ but your not alone mate! Chin up!! Luke x
Author Trackends Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Luke, brother, just reading that has been a big help to me. It's comforting to know that even across the world, there's people that go through exactly what I'm feeling. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did, I really can't imagine yet what kind of pain that causes. I don't want to badmouth her, but I feel like my ex is the same way. She just loves the attention from guys. When we were dating, in the later parts, she'd always tell me how all the guys at her new job thought she was cute, how she got hit on all the time, etc. I don't get how that's supposed to make me feel, other than lousy. It's even worse when she acts on the attention she gets. Luke, if you ever need to talk or vent about it, just let me know. I've read your thread and I'm here for you bro.
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