jmason2056 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Short version: My girlfriend and I began dating freshman year of college. Things were great until junior year when I had a rough semester with classes and work and other things. It was emotionally, mentally, and physically draining on me as well as her. I decided to go on a co-op to get away from it all and get myself out of my funk I was in. The long distance relationship was too much for her and she ended it because she was just to drained to continue fighting the rut we were in and she though I wasn't appreciating her. This was 2 days before our 2 year anniversary. It was a relatively clean breakup. No yelling or anger, just sadness that it had to end the way it did. She even wanted to stay friends. I was devastated and I tried pleading and begging her for another chance for the first week. We all know how that turned out. I was so desparate I agreed to stay friends so I could still be in her life. I then began smothering her and she said she needed space. Week 2, I began LC to start distancing myself and help with the healing process as well as give her space so she could miss me. I started reading on LS and I read how much NC could help me get over her and possibly even bring her back. So I began NC for 1 week and thats where I am now. I'm doing really well with it all and have made great progress. I still want to give us a shot but not in the near future. I feel we both need to grow and take things slow and not even consider getting back together anytime soon. My problem is she texted me tonight saying how upset she was that she hadn't heard from me in a week. She was obviously mad and I said I was just giving us the space we needed. My question is: do I tell her I need to go no contact and admit I need time away from her and admit I'm still too weak to patch things together or do I just continue with limited contact? I'm strong enough now to go limited contact but I don't want to be friends just yet for the fear of making her get over me easier. Likewise I don't want to admit I need no contact and give her back all the power that I just got. her frustration shows I'm getting to her and i think thats a good sign. I don't want to piss her off and completely shut her off to me though. Does anyone have any ideas? I'd like to go no contact for the rest of the summer while I'm away, but I want to know how to convey that without losing all the progress I've made.
BCCA Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Ignore her 100%. What your problem really is, is that youre affraid of making her mad and ruining any chance you have of her coming back. The truth is ignoring her will actually GREATLY improve your chances (not saying theyre good odds, but a lot better) that she would consider it. By accepting a demotion in relationship status, giving into her demands/needs while youre are unmet, and living in fear of angering her youre actually only making her feel like dumping you was a good idea. No self respecting person would let someone who dumps them call the shots, so dont. Youre not getting to her in a positive way, at least I dont think. Shes just being a selfish brat, and its almost working. She doesnt get to decide how/when youre in her life, but if you let her, she will. You dont want to be her friend or waste time with someone who doesnt want to be with you, so dont. Ignore ignore ignore. Youll thank me later
Author jmason2056 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 I'm definitely going that route. There's no reason she should be getting angry at me for trying to heal. I don't know why she thinks I can be completely over her in 3 weeks time after dating for 2 years. You said i wasn't getting to her in a positive way. Is there a way to do that or will sticking to my guns change the situation by itself?
NopeNah Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 My problem is she texted me tonight saying how upset she was that she hadn't heard from me in a week. though.. Ahhh... poor girl..That's oh so very sad that she's "upset" because the guy she broke up with isn't calling anymore. YEA RIGHT!!! How damn selfish is she trying to come off with that statement? That's f'n hillarious! Stay NC.. If she wants you she knows where to find you.
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