MACABC Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Hello everyone. I need some advice, if you can please hear out my story and let me know what you think, I'd appreciate it. I am a 28 year old who has been married to my husband for 6.5 years. He is 6 months younger than me. We have 3 young children (ages 6, 4, and 2). My husband works in construction and I am a stay at home mother and I'm going to school full time in order to make a good amount of money when I graduate and go back to work. I'm not going to give you a lot of background, I'm just going to lay out the major problems I see in our relationship. 1) We moved 1600 miles away from my family for his job. He wanted to rent a house that costs more than I thought we could afford, because he thought it was very nice.. And, for the last year, it has cost us financial stress. Also, he PROMISED me that he would keep our "nice house" looking nice. He doesn't do a darn thing. I really feel like he is lazy. I pick up after him, his mother (yes, she lives with us and I can't kick her out because we need her rent money every month), and our kids. I don't understand why he can't keep the lawn mowed and pick up his own dirty dishes and put them in the sink, his own trash...etc.... 2) There is NO, ABSOLUTELY NO romance in our marriage. He, for some reason, can't understand that I am a woman and need to be cuddled with and romanced. When he wants sex, I do what I'm supposed to and give it to him. I try to make it exciting, new, etc.. but I've been asking for romance for the 7 years we've been together and I still can't get it from him. He tells me it's because "I don't know how to be romantic." Once again, I get the feeling he is just too lazy to put the effort in. Which makes me feel not worth much. 3) The husband will go to work, come home and either watch TV or play video games and sits there on the couch until bedtime. I have to beg him to come and do stuff with the kids. I'm not sure I can live my life sitting in front of the TV/Video games ( I do play video games with him sometimes). So, here I am, considering divorce because my emotional needs aren't being met in our relationship. I have told him that I am considering leaving and he just says that's fine, I can leave, but I have to leave the kids with him. I feel very trapped with that, because he knows I can't get a job to support myself and the 3 kids, at least until I'm out of college. I really don't know what to do. Do I leave him and just make this work as best I can? Do I just put up with this forever? I don't see that it's going to change.....*sigh* I just don't know what to do anymore...please help! Thanks!
Gunny376 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Your going to have to plan your exit from the marriage methodicaly and meticiously down the finest detail. Think of the movie, "The Great Escape" filmed back in the Seveneties. If you've not seen it? You may want to go and rent it. First you've got to think about the three children and they're well being. They come first and foremost. Next you've got to finish your degree was (you didn't say what it was, and I hoping its nursing? Which is about the only thing that is really hiring when it comes to women? Be fore warned? I live in a college town, and I know of plenty of people that are working jobs that could have gotten without a college degree ~ that is to say, that they're working jobs that pay less than $10 an hour) You need a short range plan (as in five minutes or less) a mid range plan, and a long range plan. Right now with your going to college, it would seem that the best strategity for you and the children would be a mid-range and long range plan? (That is so that you can finish your degree ~ so you can eventually get a job and support yourself and the three children) And then execute (when your ready) a short range plan. Meanwhile? You save what you can, be it pennies, nickles, dimes, quarters? You save and hide them away. They add up over the course of time. If nothing else? You save enough for bus fare to the next town for you and the three children. Go to the Police Station and ask for help. They will direct you to a shelter for women if nothing else, if not drive you there? (House of Ruth) An option? Once you've got your degree? Look toward the military. They're hiring if noone else is? Damn good money for someone not use to having any! Good benefits, etc. They deal with single mom's everyday! POS STBXH? This is just off the top of my head? Keep posting and expound on your situation? By the way? Your not a VLSS! Vaginal Life Support System put on this Earth for your husband's pleasure! Scumbag! I ever found out my SIL treated my DD28 this way? I'd rip his arm off and beat him to death with it! Hang in there kid! It'll get better! You've just got to weather the Stroms of Life!
lkjh Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 try MC before divorce. You can always downsize a house
Gunny376 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 try MC before divorce. You can always downsize a house Were she married to me? MC might work? To this bone-head? Not a chance in Hell! He's not clue! As I didn't nineteen years ago ~ as most don't today!
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Have you tried throwing the coochie at him, and not shut down? things are very workable, maybe he's so obsessed with work he's forgotten about you, but that doesnt mean you cant show him how to open up again.
Ms. Red Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Have you tried throwing the coochie at him, and not shut down? Typical F$&*'n dood!
Author MACABC Posted June 12, 2009 Author Posted June 12, 2009 Thanks for replying. For the record, our sex life has just stopped. Completely. I stopped it because my husband has become to lazy to shower and shave. He won't take care of personal hygiene and I just can't stand that either. Anyhow.....thanks again for those of you with productive responses. I would love to try marriage counseling, but I know what would happen. We would go and he would sit there and do/say very little to nothing. He just doesn't seem to care about much of anything except going and working and playing his video games. I am going to visit my parents this summer for 2 weeks. I will have the kids with me. I'm hoping this time apart makes him see what he stands to lose? Thanks again!
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Typical F$&*'n dood! Really, So I'm sure that it might work that way, men are not freaking mind readers, you want something dont drop hints! be direct!!!
Cinnamon777 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Hang in there and finish your degree so you will have it to support you. He will have to pay you support if he doesn't have the kids half of the time, and maybe even if he does. Not that you have to take him to the cleaners, but if he's too lazy to help out with them then he might as well pay for you to take care of them. There is no way that you have to put up with the kind of life that you have right now. If you are talking with him about how you feel and he is not caring or wanting to do anything to contribute to your marriage then he doesn't deserve your efforts. Take care of yourself and the kids. It will be challenging to stick with it until you graduate, but it will be totally worth it. Make a plan like Gunny suggested and execute it when the time is right. You sound like a strong and smart women so I believe you will be just fine. Keep posting here and let LS help you along the way.
Gunny376 Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 He will have to pay you support if he doesn't have the kids half of the time, and maybe even if he does. He's a carpenter! I doubt she'll see a dime in child supprt. They can work under the table, do side jobs, etc, and the plead to the court that he doesn't have a job? OP you definately need to finsih your degee, and start making a plan, (just don't do it in writing where he can find it)
Author MACABC Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 I just thought I would update real quick. I think my husband saw this post. He mentioned to me something about how I am going online looking for divorce advice. But, we had a long talk and I think he realizes how serious the situation is. I've talked to him over and over about our problems and he never wants to work on them, but this weekend he finally did. So, maybe he's understanding that I mean business and that I'm not happy and that he will lose me if things don't change. There are also things that I am changing to try to make him happier too. Basically, we had a good talk, a good weekend and we are working on the marriage. Hopefully this can continue long term! Thanks!
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