afgrl224 Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I want to start my thanking everyone for reading my post and offering some advice. I was with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. We recently broke up two weeks ago. My boyfriend is a drummer and has been working with his new band for the past five months. He is very passionate and dedicated to his music. He works with them everyday and for countless hours. He has always made time for me but I began to feel angry and resentful that he spent so much time with them. I asked for a break a month before we broke up because I wanted to collect my thoughts. When he broke it off, we were both sitting in the car crying for three hours. We realize that it is the right thing for the moment. I need to figure out who I am and things in life that make me happy outside of him. He said he wanted to stay in contact with me during our time apart. He said he still loves me and I need to give it time. He will send me texts saying "I want you to know I am always thinking of you". I know just as much as he does that it is not the right time. I want to move forward and get back to my old self because I somehow lost that towards the end of the relationship. We honestly adore each other and we don't want to lose contact. We decided to stay in touch and check up on each other but not daily because it is difficult for me. I realize that I spent so much energy being upset about his music when I should have been supportive. Its tough because he says he wants to be friends and evolve our relationship from there. He tells me not to worry about us because we will be fine and stronger than ever. I'm just scared I'm going to lose him. I was the first girlfriend he had after two years. He has dated other girls in the past but never committed to someone. I guess I'm scared that he will fall in love with someone and forget about me. I just dont want to lose him but respect our time apart.
Exit Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I wouldn't worry about him finding someone if he's so tied up in his music. Don't get down on yourself by thinking you should have been "supportive". Supportive is one thing, trying to be happy that he's paying more attention to his band than to you isn't right. If you are both being genuine about your feelings, it sounds like this may work out in the future. But if he did it for reasons that he didn't tell you, you may end up getting hurt. "Breaks" are always iffy. I can never decide if I think they're useful or not. Sometimes you just need time apart. On the other hand, in a problem that involves two people, how can you ever expect to fix it by being apart. Communication and hard work is the cure, not avoidance. Commitment means getting through problems together. Running away from the problem is not a healthy solution. My ex put me through two "breaks" during our relationship and I should have realized it wasn't going to work.
boogieboy Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 If you keep in contact with him, its not a break. You wont be able to collect your thoughts if you keep talking to him. But If you want to keep him, you have to accept his arrangement now, and let him give you the attention he can on his own terms. If you take a break now, you have to accept the risk of losing him, you cant have it both ways. If you want more attention than he can give, you have to get someone else. But if you want him, you have to share him with the music and accept it. Its your new life. If you will continue to resent him, then you cant get back together. He is in this band passionately, and now whatever issue you have, you will have to settle it with yourself, but while youre with him, not apart on a break...if you dont want to risk losing him. This isnt his problem, its yours alone. He'll be seeing alot of groupies...be careful.
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