drivesmecrazy3 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Helloo. I will be 23 years old soon, and am a really nice guy, and because of this fact, sadly, almost ALL of my relationships and their endings have had a really negative effect on me emotionally. Ive been filled with loving phrases by my partners, and then stabbed in the back, cheated on, emotionally abused, etc. Throughout all of my relationships, ive been referred to as very special and such a catch, but after a short time, has been abandonded, sometimes for other people. All of these experiences combined have really played a huge toll on my mind and self image and have created an enormous amount of anxiety in my life. It all stemmed from my first serious relationship, which was 5 years long, and which i was cheated on and left for another person. My last, the girl constantly claimed how much she liked me, called all the time, said she felt more open with me than anyone ever, and suddenly tells me to see other people because she didnt feel a connection anymore. These experiences, starting from the first, have caused me to have a very dependent personality, and when I am with nobody, I feel miserable. Not only am i dependent, but I now suffer from alot of anxiety, especially regarding the last girl i was seeing. I constantly wonder all day about what she is doing, and if she found someone else. I Have to keep my phone on silent all day, because if I dont, and dont get a text from her, I feel very, very anxious. Its like my entire day revolves around this, and because this is so, I always feel very withdrawn. I do not want to go out with friends, family, or do anything. There are certain days, like the weekends, where I purposly dont want to be out doing anything because I feel like I will have an anxiety attack thinking about where she is or what she is doing that night, and I just want to be alone. Not only that, i feel like im going crazy. Throughout these negative experiences I notice how I have sort of a supersticious personality. I refuse to ever wear certain clothing, eat certain things, drink certain things, go to certain places, etc, because i feel like if i do, I will get bad luck like in the past. I believe that this is because of extreme anxiety. I really feel like I need some sort of medical help with this, but I do not want anyone, especially my family to know about it. I cannot communicate with my parents about this, because they would think I was a psychopath, and really wouldnt understand. I really would like to see someone, because I really feel as if I need somthing to calm my thoughts and anxiety, but how can i do this? Medically, I am covered by my parents ensurance wise, and I do not want them to find out anything. Is there anyway for me to get help and be prescribed somthing in a confidential way? Please give me your thoughts/ideas about my situation, thanks.
Joker77 Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 My friend, you are not alone. I have been where you were. Being a nice guy is a double edged sword unfortunately. The women I dated claimed they all wanted a nice guy but when they got it (me) they cut me loose after a time. The key is finding the fine line between nice and letting yourself get walked on. I have been the latter. The last relationship taught me never to let it happen again. Once you figure out that there are other things in this world, the better off you will be. I joined a gym six months ago (a day or two after my last break) and I have been there ever since. I refuse to let someone use me as their personal doormat ever again. As you get older, you'll hopefully get tired of it like I have. Don't put someone on a pedistal. Most of the time, if not all, they don't deserve it.
BearPower Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 I am a really nice guy, and because of this fact, sadly, almost ALL of my relationships and their endings have had a really negative effect on me emotionally. Ive been filled with loving phrases by my partners, and then stabbed in the back, cheated on, emotionally abused, etc. Welcome to LS. This is how every one of us feels on here at some point. Listen to me here, I guarantee I can help your 'medical' issue... I will tell you, what you explained sounds like OCD. I used to be OCD. I would think unless I did this or that, something bad would happen. I finally had enough one day, as I realised this was silly, and crazy. I started doing all the things to PROVE to myself it wasnt bad luck. You make your own luck to a certain extent. I can see how this will have effected you, and your relationships with girls and yourself. So here iis what I want you to do. All the things that make you 'feel' like its badluck. You still have time to catch it. I used to be supersticious semi OCD too, and the only way to fix it, is by just doing it. I am not supersticious anymore AT ALL. Hope this helps you, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. I have faith in you. You dont need a DR or a shrink or anyone else. You just need to make that decision in YOUR HEAD. Dont stop being a nice guy, soon you will attract a nice girl to compliment your niceness. SoulBear
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 Look I know how you feel, I'm one of those Nice Guys too, and I have been walked on. It's until now that i'm putting my foot down. Next time go out with your friends and family because they'll take your mind off your problems. Dude you're missing some of the funnest times in you life. You should go and enjoy it. We have on one life so we should live it damn well and fun. And you never know you might find someone. You're better than a relationship and don't need to validate yourself through another person's life. You do not need a significant other to live life. Stop seeking something that isn't there and move on. And have fun! Hope this helps
CaliGuy Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 "No more Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover. That is all you need to read to get rid of your "nice guy" syndrome.
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